Nonsense. (for the record, I know you know that, so don't get high and mighty with your "deliberate absurdity" or whatever catchphrase you use)
Some of the best Raws will come once the average ratings drop below 2.5 or so. Vince is gonna freak out and throw everything at the wall he can. Most importantly, as long as Linda remains on her fool's quest for the CT Senate seat, they can't jump into trash-tv-town. Watching the show fall apart at the seams is gonna be awesome like watching someone have a slow nervous breakdown.
Once WWE goes below 2, they'll simply get rid of the wrestling ring and matches. It'll be two hours of John Cena posing with the kids and punch-in-the-in'-face subtle gay jokes from DX.
Goddamn what a great show that was. It had everything - Tony Atlas dancing, Zach Ryder fantasizing about skipping merrily down the backstage hallway with Rosa (which is up there with Dwight Schrute fantasizing about the world's smallest pay raise on the Office) in a cutaway gag. Those things desperately need the "Forever" wedding song playing during them to add to the comedy, and then there was Goldust-Birchill, which was great in that those two gelled well AND Goldust won! Then Regal-Christian...God what a great match. Lots of back and forth action, fighting on the knees, including a swank kick RIGHT TO THE FACE of Christian as he was on his knees. Lots of unique pins like a kind of reverse half-nelson leading to a near-fall.
I wanted Regal to win, but I had no problem with Christian winning because of how they did it, and man did the ECW Title seem important tonight. I also found the Hogan ad to be interesting - the fact that they'd run one at all surprised me, but they definitely threw some digs in there (like saying it's full of matches FROM HIS PRIME in the ad).
Screens -
DOES NOT APPROVE OF BIRCHILL!
BOOGIE DOWN, TONY!
Quotes -
(as Tony dances)Abe - GET DOWN, TONY!
Abe - Tonight is gonna be a monumentous evening - we’re going international. They done flew a pimp overseas! Tony, you having fun?
Tony - Yes, but the people here talk funny! HAHAHAHAHA!
Abe - They talk funny cuz they got jacked up teef! How come you guys get free health care and don’t go to the dentist?! Don’t get mad at me cuz your teeth look like Stonehedge!
Tony - HAHAHAHAHA! HAHAHAHAHA!
(fans boo)Abe - Sorry, I can’t understand ya cuz ya teef are jacked up!
Abe - Tony, do me a favor - SHUT UP!
Abe - You like Jackie Chan.
Yoshi - If I’m Jackie Chan, you’re Chris Tucker!
Abe - CHRIS TUCKER DOESN’T HAVE HIS OWN TALK SHOW!
Yoshi - HAHAHAHAHA!
Abe - DON’T MAKE FUN OF MY SIDEKICK! THAT’S MY JOB!
Regal - I know you’re upset about me getting an ECW Championship match without your consent, but think about how great it will be to have me representing ECW, because I’m like a god.
Vance - Who is Vance Archer? My opponent is about to find out!
Josh - Well, last week we did learn that he is intense.
Josh - Vance Archer was discovered by our GM Tiffany in Japan.
Crowd - RE-GAL! RE-GAL! RE-GAL!
Sexton - We don ‘t want to allude to anything here, but Christian did have trouble checking into his hotel - Regal does have connections…
Ad - This release has 29 MATCHES OF HULK HOGAN IN HIS PRIME!
Josh - Regal with an exploder to the ECW TITLE ON THE FLOOR!
[quote name='mykevermin']Once WWE goes below 2, they'll simply get rid of the wrestlingring and matches. It'll be two hours of John Cena posing with the kids and punch-in-the-in'-face subtle gay jokes from DX.[/QUOTE]
*gasp* It's a sports entertainment ring. You know that.
The color schemes he wears are very, very, very early 1990's. I know they're going for the Jersey/Long Island douchebag look, but it's simply not right the way they've done it. Totally slapdash work.
[quote name='neocisco']Does it still get pre-empted by the dog show?[/QUOTE]
If I remember correctly, the last time the dog show came on RAW moved to syfy for a "One Night Only Event".
[quote name='mykevermin']
Feast or Fired match returns.
Oh, TNA. If only you knew how ridiculous your booking was.[/QUOTE]
After that motivational speech they aired on TNA recently, there may be a couple of ppl willing to volunteer for that match. Maybe they will include Suicide in the match and ditch that gimmick.
[quote name='bornrunnin31']Not to mention that RAW follows the same pattern ever since they started the guest host thing (tho not like it has changed much ever) - guest host comes out announces big main event with same people always in it, squash match, santino in something, maybe another match, chavo gets beat up by host, hornswaggle shows up, dx, john cena. That's how it always plays out.[/QUOTE]
Damn bornrunnin31, thats uncannily accurate.
You're spot on but may I humbly suggest the following. If guest host is male, skit with Bella twins not-so-subtly implying post show threesome.
[quote name='darkdaze73']After that motivational speech they aired on TNA recently, there may be a couple of ppl willing to volunteer for that match.[/QUOTE]
I can imagine Homicide getting the pink slip and gripping it while smiling and in tears like Shawn Michaels after his WM12 title win.
And, like, Chris Sabin getting an X-div title shot and throwing it down while dejected.
[quote name='darkdaze73']If I remember correctly, the last time the dog show came on RAW moved to syfy for a "One Night Only Event".
After that motivational speech they aired on TNA recently, there may be a couple of ppl willing to volunteer for that match. Maybe they will include Suicide in the match and ditch that gimmick.[/QUOTE]
That's what they did with Daniels when he was Curry Man they fired him then shortly after he returned as Daniels. I guess they could do that again with Kaz.
[quote name='mykevermin'] I can imagine Homicide getting the pink slip and gripping it while smiling and in tears like Shawn Michaels after his WM12 title win.
And, like, Chris Sabin getting an X-div title shot and throwing it down while dejected.[/QUOTE]
Homicide tearfully holds it up talking about how TNA gave him the greatest opportunity he could ever ask for.
Last year was great with Curry Man wondering who the "fired" champion was so he could challenge him.
I actually remember playing that Dark Side Of The Moon game they did for the PC. It wasn't too bad. Needed more Pink Floyd in it... and cowbell. Most certainly more cowbell.
They appear to be a publisher of miscellaneous shit that profitable publishers wouldn't touch with a ten-foot pole. TNA is a perfect fit for them.[/QUOTE]
DS AND PSP? WTF!!!! give me next gen.. section 8 wasnt completely bad either
i was just thinking about the license earlier today and how absurd it was that no one had picked it up...
[quote name='ZForce']Hey they DID publish NInjatown and Big Bang Mini....[/QUOTE]
And RooGoo is one of my favorite Arcade games.
That AAA game looks wonky as hell...the animations look really bad and the move sets look like they lack quite a bit. "All the extreme action!" --shows atomic drop and a running clothesline, and "the fair tecniqos"= a lot of dancing. That being said the gameplay could save this one. If it's more strategic and timing based like Firepro this might be good.
[quote name='pimpster4183']wow, is it just me or is lacey von erich horrible in the ring? I think Jay Leno at WCW Hog Wild looked more "real" in the ring than her.[/QUOTE]
If I could find a clip of that awful chokeslam of hers on Christy Hemme, then I would.
So the show starts with a big recap of the Hogan deal and the first guy on-camera is...Super Dave Osbourne. And he's the guest host. Christ. Thankfully his bit with JB about social networking sites was great, but man did TNA ever look second-rate here.
Kinda odd to have a possible retirement match as the first one on the show, but whatever - Raven's return was good and Daffney's tiny little hat was awesome. The wacky post-match deal with him um mounting Daffney ruled, and the promo with Raven all over JB and JB looking creeped out amused me a lot. I don't know what they're doing with Raven in the future, but I like what they've done so far.
Traci-Alissa was highlighted by Traci's big career highlight graphic being that she's an original TNA Knockout, and Tenay bringing up some vague handicap to Traci's right arm. Alissa attacked the weakened limb to win, which is somehow wrong here despite being fine in every other match. And then instead of doing like a stretcher deal or having her taken out by trainers due to it, they have Traci get her revenge right after the match.
Then it was TO THE BACK for the Black Machismo Invitational as pink and white boots were shown, then Neidhart and his gut come out. Holy crap is pink not slimming. Facially, Neidhart hasn't aged a day in 20 years, but that gut...my God. And then he beat Lethal in like 2 minutes. So let's see here, they put Neidhart, who probably won't be back in the future, over, and had their guy, who will in fact be back in the future, lost to a guy who even back in '92 was a low-end WWF guy. Just amazing. And then Neidhart pulled the straps down and his gut looked even bigger. No part of this segment was good.
The Steiner video segment with Lashley was wacky - why would the crew, who is supposed to care about the health of Kristal here, NOT JUST TELL LASHLEY THAT STEINER WAS AT HER HOTEL instead of bringing him into the truck and making him wait to see the video? That was weird, but Lashley's mad dash was amusing since he had to carefully walk out in order to not trip on the steps.
The deal with Sting talking about Hogan next week was amusing - largely due to a graphic on-screen that seemed to have about 100 words on it along with two giant photos of Hogan and Sting that made it impossible to read the text. The six-girl knockouts tag somehow went longer than two minutes, which shocked me. I didn't pay much attention to it though, as I was too distracted by Taz's line about wonder what Lacey does with the Ugly Stick and where she puts it to focus on the match.
Super Dave's pep talk to the X Division made them look like goofs, and the video with Angle putting over Vince and WWE to put TNA and Dixie over by association was weird. The Desmond-Angle thing was a mixed bag - the video of Desmond looking all slick and high class was great, except for Angle talking over him, which reminded me of the horrible bit from last week, and then Desmond got beaten up before lucking into a DDT on the floor. This didn't do much for me, but it was worlds better than last week's thing.
Steiner's attack on Lashley ruled. He beat him with a pipe, a lamp, and then said that Bobby's kid has his eyes - THAT WAS AWESOME and I'm looking forward to their match on PPV. The X division match was fine, I guess. It really overshadowed by Super Dave's commentary and Taz and Tenay trying to somehow turn it into a way to put the guys in the ring over.
The 3D/Morgan-Hernandez deal was fine. Ray is usually awesome on the mic and he was great here, while Morgan and Hernandez just kinda stared. Those guys have no chemistry together and both guys have had their stock plummet over the past month. Hernandez used to be a huge star on the rise - now he's just a dude in a makeshift team, and doesn't even look like a star since he's back to wearing his LAX street clothes as ring garb. THE POPE! coming out was great. He looked awesome, talked about being pimpin, the art of pimp slapping, and added himself to the Morgan/Hernandez team despite them not wanting him on their team AND pronouncing their names in an awesome way. Awesome.
Then the British Invasion said that being forced to wrestle while being suspended was somehow unfair, but brought up skullduggery and reprimanded Beer Money for their slovenly antics, so yeah, I loved this. Then EY pointed out that TNA's stips mean nothing and that Hulk Hogan was so old that EY was a huge fan of his when he was three. Biggest signing in history. Very weird. At this point, we're over AN HOUR AND A HALF INTO THE SHOW and the WORLD CHAMPION and his top challengers haven't been seen at all. Meanwhile, Dixie's Twitter page has gotten a few plugs and Super Dave Osbourne has been all over it. At 10:39, he was FINALLY shown - doing an interview with JB, the same kind we've seen about 1,000 times on this show. And all he did was bitch and moan about shit during it. I want him to lose - I don't care to who, I just don't want this whiner as world champion.
The Matt Morgan PSA was interesting - it made Morgan really come off like a man who'd overcome a lot, and made me wish that he was actually doing something of note. Beer Money versus TBI was an awesome, if a bit short, match. Somehow, TBI is cowardly according to Tenay for BEING SUSPENDED. WHAT!? Storm was just on fire here and made this match great, as did Taz on commentary with his rants about England and tea bagging. Then Beer Money gets their shot at the tag champs...in a triple threat with the Guns, which I'd completely forgotten about. Perhaps they should have, you know, DONE SOMETHING WITH THE GUNS AND THE TAG CHAMPS to put that match over since it was apparently on the card before tonight.
I liked how the next five or so minutes were spent just putting over PPV matches. Pope was awesome in his promo, and Daniels was great in his, even if he came off AS A WHINER. That's it - put the belt on Joe, I don't want this whiner to be champion either. At 10:55, the MAIN EVENT began - with a 20 minute time limit. Awesome. At this point, I'd completely forgotten just what the main event actually was. Turns out it's a match with the world champion. It wound up being a really good one, too. Joe's matches have been pretty disappointing for a while, but this one wound up being quite good. And then AJ, the world's biggest dipshit, lost because he got distracted by his buddy and got choked out. So let's see here, two of the guys in the world title match are complete losers and Joe, the heel, is the only one who comes across as cool. How can anyone not want him to win this?
Screens -
THIS GRAPHIC NEEDS MORE WORDS!
Power of the Paunch
Quotes -
Ad Guy - LAST WEEK, DIXIE CARTER LAID DOWN THE LAW TO THE ENTIRE TNA ROSTER! CHANGES ARE COMING! CAREERS ARE IN JEOPARDY!
Lethal - Who’s that guy?
JB - Super Dave Osbourne…
Lethal - MARTY FUNKHOUSER! Who’s my opponent? WHERE’S HOGAN!?
JB - Do you follow my tweets?
Dave - What?
JB - Tweeting on Twitter. 140 characters or less.
Dave - I don’t twitter. I talk. I call people!
JB - You have a face book?
Dave - NO I DON’T HAVE A FACEBOOK!
Tenay - If Dr. Stevie loses, he’s gone from TNA.
Foley - Yes, but Dr. Stevie is free to practice medicine anywhere in the United States.
Foley - I was never a Hulkamaniac, but I was a fan.
Raven - Foley, the last time you got between me and one of my playmates, your idol Terry Funk felt the fire. Abyss, it’s good to be back! WE’RE LIKE TWO OLD GUYS SHARING WAR STORIES ON A PARK BENCH REMINISCING ABOUT THE TASTE OF OUR OWN BLOOD THAT IS EROTICALLY STIMULATING!
Tenay - Traci didn’t want this revealed on-air, but with that right arm, she’s been handicapped since birth.
Taz - What? I didn’t know dat! Wow!
(after Neidhart does a backdrop)Crowd - YOU’VE STILL GOT IT! YOU’VE STILL GOT IT!
(after Neidhart does something resembling a clothesline and falls down)Tenay - NEIDHART EXPLODES WITH A CLOTHESLINE!
Taz - WHO’S NEXT!? One of the Executioners? Mil Mascaras?
Tenay - LET’S LOOK AT WHAT THE BOSS SAID TO LAUREN EARLIER!
Tenay - Think there’s any way TBP can co-exist with their partner Awesome Kong?
Taz - I don’t know. But they do look hot.
Taz - What does Lacey do with the Ugly Stick? Where does she put it? I have a plethora of questions about the ugly stick.
Taz - I’ve never met Lacey. She’s a schmohawk. A hot schmohawk.
Tenay - THERE’S NO REVERSE IN TARA’S TRANSITION!
Taz - WHERE’D THAT COME FROM!?
Tenay - I just made it up!
Taz - Well keep it in the vault!
(as Lacey enters)Tenay - There’s your best friend.
Taz - BUSINESS JUST PICKED UP!
Tenay - That’s a famous line!
Taz - I don’t think ODB’s ever been referred to as fresh.
Tenay - I think that’s all she’s been referred to as!
Taz - I think you missed my point.
Tenay - IT’S THE BRONCO MUNCHER!
(after the Implant Buster)Taz - I don’t know where Taylor stands in the implant category, but she got beat by it.
Dave - I WANT YOU TO DONATE THIS MATCH TO MICK FOLEY!
Angle - Vince McMahon has made a monster with WWE, and I think that Hulk Hogan and Dixie Carter can make another monster.
Steiner - BOBBY! LOOK AT YOUR BABY! IT HAS MY EYES!
Angle - DESMOND, I SPENT THREE DAYS LAST WEEK IN TRACTION! YOU KNEW WHAT MY WEAKNESS WAS! AND YOU WENT AFTER IT! BUT WHADYA KNOW!? TWO WEEKS LATER - I’M BACK IN MY WRESTLING RING!
Desmond - I’m not here to beat you - I’ll leave that to the Matt Morgans of the world. I’m here to hurt ya. I’m not in TNA to play. I’m not here to be better than you - I’m here to take your place!?
Angle - DESMOND! CAN YOU HEAR ME!? WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON!? (Desmond tries to attack Angle, but Angle beats him up and the video plays on a loop)
Taz - You’ve been shot out of a cannon into a brick wall - how did you survive that?
Dave - I learned how to put myself into an immediate coma so I could go to the hospital and not feel what they did to me.
Taz - I wish I could do that after working with Tenay sometimes.
Dave - Is this guy a relative to the Iron Sheik? He doesn’t speak English! What’s he speak?
Tenay - It’s Farsi.
Dave - I didn’t know what the hell he was talking about!
Tenay - That doesn’t put you in an elite group.
Dave - My stunt coordinator Fuji is related to Kiyoshi.
Taz - Not the Fuji who threw salt.
Dave - IT’S THAT THIEF!
Crowd - HE’S AMAZ-ING! HE’S AMA-ZING!
Dave - I just saw the Sheik say “crap”! IT’S THE FIRST ENGLISH I’VE EVER HEARD HIM SAY!
Taz - Thanks for joining us, Super Dave…
Desmond - I’ve followed Angle since day one - amateur, Olympic, professional. Every step he’s taken, I’ve taken with him. What you’re looking at is a younger, better looking, and healthier version of him. I’m not here to take him out, but I may end up doing that. He’s going to bow to my howl! Like that?
Dixie - Let’s show them what we’re all about! (a shot of ODB’s panties airs)
Ray - They say life is about a couple of things - change and choice. Last week, Dixie said that there’s gonna be a lot of changes in TNA. She told the locker room that they had to make a choice if they’re on board or not on board. Devon and I are on board! As far as choices go, I had a choice last week, and I chose to wrap a chair around Morgan and Supermex’s head. I wasn’t very proud of myself when I made that choice and I’ve had some time to think and after doing that, I’m glad I made the choice that I did. For a while now, Rhino has told us that the younger talent here has been trying to take out the veterans of this company! Rhino, right here, right now - I’m telling you face to face, man to man - I’M SORRY! I’m sorry I didn’t believe you. You were right, they were wrong. You had had me and Devon’s back for the past 15 years! 15 YEARS, AND WHAT HAVE THEY DONE!? STAB US IN THE BACK! So, to you younger talent here in TNA WHO‘S TRYING TO TAKE US OUT - I THINK NOT! WE’RE GONNA HOLD YOU DOWN! NOW! HERNANDEZ AND MORGAN! GET OUT HERE RIGHT NOW!
Tenay - WHAT A CHANGE OF HEART FROM TEAM 3D!
Morgan - Ray, that ain’t the way things work here anymore! YOU WANT US? WALK YOUR FAT ASS UP HERE!
Ray - Hey golden boys, THE DNA OF TNA! Listen big boy, I’ve spilled more DNA in TNA than you’ve got shower time in the back. And Supermex, as far as you’re concerned, well, you’re just an educated Mexican with no green card!
Hernandez - YO! I’M ONLY GONNA SAY DIS ONCE! EVERYTHING WE GOT, WE TOOK! AND YOU KNOW WHY, BUBBA!? BECAUSE WE CAN, COMPRENDE!?
Ray - No, I don’t comprended, cuz I’m in the U.S. Listen, earlier this week, we issued a challenge - a six man street fight at Turning Point! DO YOU HAVE A PARTNER YET OR ARE YOU WAITING FOR TNA MANAGEMENT TO GIVE YOU A PARTNER!?
Morgan - Blubber Ray, better yet, Team Triple D - does it look like we need help? We’ll do the job by ourselves.
Devon - Morgan, you better pray real good to the God above that somebody answers your call because TNA’s future isn’t you, it will be no more due to Rhino and Team 3D!
Taz - I think the Pope took your jacket.
Pope - Did I hear you say find a partner? Look no further for that third man! Morgan is the futaaaa, Hernandiii is the futttaaa, and the Pope is PIMPIN! Hey man-beast, slow ya roll cuz I got a pimp slap for you. Devon, I hope you all can line up and testify to that cuz POPE HAS SPOKEN!
Morgan - My name is Matt Morgan, and while I’ve accomplished a lot in wrestling, I’m most proud of overcoming ADHD! If I can graduate at the top of my class, so can you!
Williams - WE WERE SUSPSENDED UNTIL TURNING POINT! WE SHOULDN’T HAVE TO WRESTLE BEFORE THE PAY-PER-VIEW! IT’S JUST ANOTHER EXAMPLE OF THE BIAS AGAINST US! IT’S SKULLDUGGERY!
Brutus - WE WILL MAKE SURE THAT BEER MONEY DOESN’T DARKEN A RING WITH THEIR SLOVENLY ANTICS!
EY - What kind of company doesn’t uphold their suspensions!? Hulk Hogan, the World Elite has no problem with you. I was a huge fan of his - when I was three. If you understand that we earned our spots…let’s go guys.
AJ - I’VE BEEN JUMPED THREE WEEKS IN A ROW! DON’T THINK I’VE FORGOT ABOUT THAT!
Taz - Gotta go back to the weight room, Rob. You’re not big enough.
Tenay - IF YOU WANNA STAY ON TOP OF WHAT’S GOING ON WITH TNA PRESIDENT DIXIE CARTER, FOLLOW HER ON TWITTER!
Taz - Gotta toast your tea bag to that one. Wait a minute…
Tenay - Can you say that on Impact!?
Hernandez - I don’t think we can trust him - he wears shades all the time.
Pope - Pope wears shades because his future’s so bright!
Pope - Boys, hop aboard the Pope-Mobile, cuz at Turning Point, we gonna be pimpin!
(as AJ gets beaten down in the corner)Taz - If you’ve never seen him before, AJ is indeed phenomenal. Well, not right now.
Taz - STF - Stepover Toehold Facelock. I’m sure you knew that, right Mike.
Tenay - Yeah - Submission Through Fear as well.
Taz - Wow. I didn’t know that.
Joe and AJ's sets are $5 apiece - I got them as part of the big Labor Day sale, but this is a great way to fill out some holes in my TNA DVD collection - it's just a shame their awesome summer of '05 ones aren't on the site. I think I'll pick up some of the early '07 ones though just for the Wrestlecrap-ish stuff on them.
Oh, and according to today's Figure 4 Daily, Sean Mooney could be going back to WWE.
in'-face subtle gay jokes from DX.
I can imagine Homicide getting the pink slip and gripping it while smiling and in tears like Shawn Michaels after his WM12 title win.
