(as Jericho climbs ladder)Cole - THIS IS SYMBOLIC OF WHAT WILL HAPPEN AT NO MERCY!
Fans - Y2J! HBK!
Jericho - Leave it to HBK to once again attempt to rewrite history. Last week, HBK in an effort to permanently disfigure me, convinced Adamle to make our match a WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP ladder match. And then, in another one of his lying statements that he likes to make, he claimed that he revolutionized the ladder match, and like the mindless sheep that you are, you all blindly believed what he said. Here’s a news flash for ya - just because he says something, doesn’t mean that it’s true, and conversely, when Jericho says something, you know that it’s real, because I am AN HONEST MAN, A GOOD MAN, AND I ALWAYS TELL THE TRUTH! I have won three separate titles in a ladder match - I have won more high-profile ladder match than Shawn’s ever appeared in, and at No Mercy, when the match is through, the last thing you will all see is this… (he grabs the belt) Chris Jericho - still the world heavyweight champion! Shawn wants to disfigure me? He’s already scarred my back forever. You like that didn’t ya? Right!? But at the end of the night, I still walked out as the champion! Because I’m too good and better than Shawn Michaels, and now, he’s trapped - in an effort to inflate his legacy, he made the ladder match and all that’s done is give me a weapon of destruction to put the final nail… (Orton comes out)
Jericho - Ah…Randy Orton, I knew it would only be a matter of time until you came down to talk to the world heavyweight…
Orton - Champion? Because if it wasn’t for me kicking Punk in the skull, you wouldn’t BE champion. And as far as your ladder match, it doesn’t matter who wins, whoever wins will be running on BORROWED TIME!
Jericho - You talk a lot of trash that you can’t back up - like these hypocrites, you’re a dreamer, and you’ve got a big mouth, and what’s to stop me from punching you in the mouth right now. When I gave Rebecca a fat lip, it was an accident, but with you, it’ll be on purpose.
Orton - You are not gonna do a damn thing to me, Jericho, and I’ll tell you why - I talked to Adamle earlier today, and the truth is that I am a third generation star and I need o be protected, so he ruled that I could not hit anybody, and more importantly, he ruled that THEY CANNOT HIT ME, or they are suspended immediately. In other words, Chris, I AM UNTOUCHABLE! When you’re a third-gen star and the most valuable commodity on Raw, you tend to get what you want.
Jericho - The most valuable commodity on Raw is the world champion, and as the best in the world and in a league of my own, I also tend to get what I want, and now I want to get away from you. Good luck - get well soon.
Orton - Walk away, Chris, but know this - I will be champion once again! Long after your days in this industry are over and done! And Chris, take your ladder with ya! (he throws it out, Punk comes out and slaps him)
Adamle - KNOCK IT OFF! STOP IT! STOOOP ITTTT! KNOCK IT OFF! I’M THE GM OF RAW AND I SAY STOP IT! CALM DOWN! CALM DOWN! YOU JUST! PUNK, YOU JUST DIRECTLY DEFIED ONE OF MY EDICTS! AND I can’t let that go. As a result of your actions, you are suspended! Indefinitely! Immediately! CALM DOWN! (Shane comes out)
Lawler - LOOK AT THE STANDING OVATION FOR SHANE-O-MAC!
Shane - Surprised to see me? It’s okay. Mike, step back just a little bit. I know you’re doing a lot of on-the-job training - one, what Punk just did - that’s what we call in our business a receipt. Normally, I’d respect your edict, but not tonight. So, I am officially overruling your suspension of CM Punk.
Orton - YOU CANNOT MAKE THE RULES AS YOU GO ON!
Shane - Yes, I can, and you’re a third-gen star, and I expect more out of you. YOU WILL DARN SURE RESPECT MY POSITION! As for Adamle’s edict about you, that will star…right now. Mr. Orton, I respectfully ask that you leave the ring. Punk, since you’re ready to go, we’re gonna start the show off with you. You’re gonna go against another generational superstar - Cody Rhodes! (fans boo) And Mike, I can see it coming out of your brain, there’s something about the main event… tonight, it’s gonna be… THE WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION, Chris Jericho, teaming up with JBL against their opponents, the ANIMAL BATISTA and SHAWN MICHAELS!
Lawler - Shane McMindreader! IT’S GREAT! WHAT A WAY TO KICK OFF THE 800th EPISODE OF RAW!
Lawler - You ever wonder what the NFL players are watching on Monday nights?! IT’S RAW! THEY’RE HERE WITH US TONIGHT!
Shane - Mike, I think you’re doing a fantastic job.
Kane - HI SHANE-O, LONG TIME NO SEE! I appreciate you serving me Evan Bourne tonight, but I WANT REY MYSTERIO!
Adamle - Done - I’ve made the match, one-on-one, you versus Rey Mysterio and No Mercy.
Kane - Good - by the way, Shane, say hi to your mom.
Adamle - HE KNOWS YOUR MOM!?
Shane - Yeah, he tombstoned her onto a steel grate and tried to electrocute my testicles with a car battery. We’re real tight.
(to Kelly about Batista)Santino - HE ALMOST BROK-ED MY FACE! (on Kelly laughing last week)Don’t play innocent with us, Kelly Kelly…Kelly, what else could you have been laughing at? Something Batista said? He was probably going to go BOOM BOOM BOOM, I FIRE LIGHTNING OUT MY ASS LIKE AN 8 YEAR OLD!
Batista - Hi.
Santino - (screams like girl) (theme plays) OH THANK GOD! I mean, you’re lucky they’re-a playing my theme for…MY MATCH!
Santino - THAT’S NOT FUNNY! PUT UP THE HONK-A-METER! He was champion for 64 weeks, I have been champion for…7 WEEKS! If you do the math-a… (Deuce’s theme hits) I was not finished!
Hold on, before we start this match, these is one thing I’d like to say - BATISTA, IF YOU MESS WITH ME, I’LL BEAT YOU UP, JUST LIKE FONZIE OVER HERE! THE HAPPY DAYS ARE OVER!
Cole - On Santino’s Casa, he called the Honky Tonk Man the king of trans fat.
Cole - DEUCE HITS THE TARGET!
(after every blow)Santino - OW!
Santino - THAT’S JUST ONE VICTORY FOR GLAMARELLA TONIGHT! KELLY KELLY KELLY, YOU ARE GOING TO LOSE TO THE MOST BEAUTIFUL WOMAN IN THE WWE UNIVERSE WHO ORDERS ME TO BUY THE CONTRACEPTIVES! AND THE WOMEN’S CHAMPION, BETH PHOENIX!
Cole - Evan Bourne is like Spider-Man scaling Kane’s body.
Cole - THE WASHBUCKLING STYLE OF BOURNE MAY HAVE PUT HIM IN CONTROL OF THIS MATCH!
Kane - YOU’RE A COWARD REY, HIDING BEHIND A MASK!
Cole - KANE IS HELL-BELT ON DISHING OUT PAIN!
Orton - Shane, we’re the most powerful third-generation superstars in WWE - it would be really unfortunate if something happened to you…
Shane - Yeah, but Randy - I’m fourth-generation.
Cole - Earlier today, you wrote a blog on WWE.com about the 800th edition of Raw - minding telling us about it?
(after Kelly shows up)Lawler - After I say WOW one more time. Yeah, I’m quite a blogger.
Cole - Kelly’s got the women’s champion all discombobulated!
Morrison - I met your dad, Shad - he wears a sweater vest.
Lawler - What did Lilian say the Miz weighs? 234 pounds? That’s 234 pounds too much.
Cole - I learn a new word every week on WWE.com - I learned buttas - it means butt-ugly!
Lawler - Shad told me he started off life as an unwanted child…and now he’s wanted in 10 states!
Cole - WELCOME TO THE LONGEST-RUNNING SHOW IN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA!
Cole - 800 episodes of Raw - THAT’S OVER 4 TIMES THE AMOUNT OF EPISODES OF SEINFELD! FOUR TIMES!
Lawler - DID YA TELL THEM THAT THIS IS THE 800TH EPISODE OF RAW!?
Cole - IT’S THE LONGEST RUNNING SHOW IN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA!
Cole - Can you believe that there have been over 4,500 pyrotechnic displays over the past 15 years!?
Cole - Tonight, the Dirt Sheet got one up on Word Up!
Lawler - AND ECW GOT ONE UP ON RAW!
Haas - You might call this…a PERFECT tribute! (Haas then screws up everything at Dave and Busters)
Lawler - I’m sure if you asked HBK what kind of match he’d like to be in on the 800th edition of Raw, THIS WOULD BE IT!
Cole - CADE HAS PINNED MICHAELS!