Cole - THE AGE OF ORTON HAS BEEN PUT ON HOLD!
Orton - First off, as you can tell, I’m still injured. I didn’t want to come back until I’m 100%, but there’s something I need to get off my chest - I believe a brand is only as strong as its champions. When I was WWE Champion, Raw was at its peak, now, RAW IS AN ABSOLUTE JOKE! Take the women’s champion, Beth Phoenix - she runs around like a lovesick teenager - newsflash Glamazon, this isn’t 90210, this is RAW, AND YOU’RE EMBARASSING YOURSELF! And who are you supposed to be in love with? Only the weakest IC champion in history - Santino Marella! Even with a broken clavicle, I could beat him, but at least he has a title! Cody Rhodes and DiBiase, you call yourself priceless? HOW ‘BOUT WORTHLESS! If a couple of thugs took my belt, I would take back what was mine! But that is not the real problem here on Raw… No, the real problem is we got a guy disgracing the world heavyweight championship… And his name is CM Punk! Four years ago when I won my first world title, he was wrestling in no-name towns for a no-name organization - he was a nobody! UNTIL he climbed a ladder, grabbed a case, had a lucky title win, and found himself able to stand in this ring and call himself world champioN! I TAKE OFFENSE TO THAT - THAT INSULTS EVERYTHING I STAND FOR! I would love to challenge him tonight and take back what is mine! But, I’m not medically cleared. But when I am, I will reclaim this show, and I will make everyone forget about the sorry history of Raw known as CM Punk…(Punk comes out)
Punk - What I got is a headache from you talking! I prefer not to live in the past - not everyone has granddaddy and daddy behind ‘em to usher them into WWE - there’s some that have to work very hard to get there! It doesn’t matter how I got there, the fact is I’M THE WORLD CHAMPION! I don’t drink, I don’t smoke, you know what else I don’t do? I don’t take joyrides on a motorcycle at 3 AM AND DELAY MY RETURN FOR 3 MONTHS! You went from the Age of Orton to a complete afterthought, and I don’t blame you for running down every champion Raw has, because if I was in your shoes, I’d be jealous too!
Orton - You think I’m jealous!?
Punk - This is as close as you’re getting to the World title for the foreseeable future, so yeah, YOU’RE JEALOUS! What I want you to do is walk that aisle one more time and tell me who the joke of a champion is - there’s only one person in this ring who is pathetic, and it’s not me…
Orton - You know, Punk, I can see that this conversation is going to have to continue at a later time…
Punk - We’ll talk later, but I’m gonna do everything in my power to hold onto this so you can see what I’m all about… (JBL comes out)
Cole - PUNK HAS AN 80% CHANCE AT LOSING THAT TITLE ON SUNDAY!
JBL - You don’t get it, do ya? Fairy tales aren’t real, and in 6 days, it’s gonna strike midnight Cinderalla, and this fluke of a title reign? BALLGAME OVER! There’s an 80% chance, that all these people in the ring, that you lose the championship, I believe the odds are higher because there’s ONE MOVE, ONE CLOTHESLINE FROM HELL! A NEW CHAMPION, A TRUE CHAMPION WALKS OUT KNOWN AS JBL! As much as I would love for that to be you, it doesn’t have to be… Ya see, it could be Batista, Kane, or my pal, Rey Mysterio! (Kane comes out)
Kane - Clothesline From Hell, huh? You know I’ve been to Hell, and I didn’t see your clothesline anywhere, but you know who I did see? REY MYSTERIO! Little Rey Rey is NOT GONNA BE THERE ON SUNDAY, AND HE’S NOT HERE TONIGHT - I MADE SURE OF IT! Which means there is on less person in the scramble match, which means I am one step closer…(Batista comes out)
Chena - JOHN CENA MIGHT BE OUT OF ACTION TONIGHT, BUT DON’T WORRY, THE HAAS IS HERE AND YOU CAN’T SEE ME!
(on Haas’ impressions)Cole - I…just don’t get it…
Cody - WORTHLESS!? I don’t know who you think you are, but we’re the WORLD TAG CHAMPIONS!
Orton - Do you remember when we first met? How I slapped your father in the face!? (he then slaps the shit out of Cody) YOU’RE BOTH THE MOST TALENTED GUYS IN THE LOCKER ROOM, and yet you lose to Cena in a handicap match and get your belts stolen by thugs, GROW A SET! Until you do, I’m gonna stand by EVERYTHING THAT I SAY!
Adamle - This could be like a Jerry Lewis telethon, but without the sick kids?
Long - What’d you say!?
Kane - MIKE, WHY WOULD YOU ANNOUNCE THAT REY IS COMING BACK? MIKE!
Adamle - I announced that Rey is back to accept the invitation for Unforgiven and maybe tonight as well…
Kane - HIS BODY IS MANGLED AND HIS SOUL IS BURNED! BY ALL MEANS, KEEP HOPE…
Cole - What ramifications is this battle royal gonna have when ECW hit’s the SCI-FI tomorrow night!?
Noble - I’ve asked my lovely Layla to come out here one more time so I can show her that I have what it takes…
Cole - It is Labor Day and Jillian is LABORING a performance of “Take Your Clothes Off”!
Cole - Six-person diva match…
Lawler - Close - six-diva tag match…
Cole - The non-melodious Jillian Hall comes in.
Lawler - Last week, Beth got a bloody nose thanks to Santino.
Cole - And Kelly Kelly…
Cole - Santino said on Santino’s Casa that if he were President, he would make manscaping, IE, the unibrow, mandatory.
Santino - I hope you’re-a satisfied, Mr. Orton, YOU SUN-UM-A-GUN! You insulted my girlfriend, and you insulted me! I’m going to prove to be the GREATEST INTERCONTINTAL CHAMPION EVER! PUT UP-A DA HONK-A-METER! Honka Donk Man held the title for 64 weeks, I have held it for TWO WEEKS! That means I only have to hold it for 62 more weeks to become THE GREATEST! THAT IS NOTHING FOR ME!
Cole - Can Santino hold the title for another year and ten weeks?
Lawler - If this was a title match, I wouldn’t bet on him holding it for 10 minutes!
Lawler - Santino calls the Glamazon his girlfriend, but he wishes he had a split personality so he could marry himself.
Cole - That’s the shining wizard - taught to D’Lo by the Great Muta during his time in Japan.
Santino - I WILL BE NUMBER ONE, BECAUSE I’M ITALIAN! I HATE YOU!
Cole - Last week, Rhodes and DiBiase called Cryme Tyme DELINQUENTS!
Grisham - Batista, what’s your gameplan tonight and at Unforgiven?
Batista - DESTROY. EVERYONE!
Cole - His gameplan? DESTROY EVERYONE!
Cole - In WWE Magazine, Batista tells about how his entrance is a tribute to SUMO WRESTLING!
Cole - PUNK ELIMINATED BATISTA! HE TOOK ADVANTAGE OF A SITUATION AGAIN! HE ELIMINATES JBL, TAKING ADVANTAGE AGAIN!
Jericho - Enough, what I want to ask you Shawn is why so much security? Did you think I’d throw away my chance to end your career for good at Unforgiven?
HBK - They’re not mine - if it was up to me, there wouldn’t be anyone out here but us?
Jericho - I’ve got something to say to Shawn one-on-one…
Shawn - I don’t see any reason for them to be here…
Jericho - You heard Shawn, leave! Lawler, please! Now Shawn, I want to tell you that I did something you’d never do for me - I followed your advice. Remember at Summerslam, before I punched your wife, and you told me to sit my wife and kids down? I told them that I’d never be an egomaniac like Shawn Michaels, and then I forbade them from watching Unforgiven. I want to be very clear about something - if you think I’m gonna go easy on you because of what happened to your wife, I’m not! I’m gonna end your career for good, Shawn, and I’m gonna show the world what happens to a man who lives his life like you do. Remember at WrestleMania when you told Flair that you put him out of his misery? Well, at Unforgiven, I’m gonna put YOU out of your miser - but I’m not gonna say “I’m sorry”. I’m not sorry about what I did to you or your family - I’m proud of it. I’M GOING TO PUT YOU OUT FOREVER. Do you understand me, Shawn Michaels? You ASKED for this match, so when you’re a broken man in your house with a disappointed wife and children, and a forgotten memory to your fans, the only man to blame for this is yourself!
HBK - I take comfort in knowing that you wife and children won’t be watching - mine won’t either, but one day, I’ll tell them about this - the day that their father was THIS close to walking away, and while it’s considered a strength to turn the other cheek, sometimes you’ve gotta look evil right in the face and SPIT IN ITS EYE! ALL THE PAIN AND SUFFERING YOU HAVE PUT ME THORUGH IS GONNA RAIN DOWN ON YOU AT UNFORIGEN! IT IS GONNA RAIN DOWN ON YOU WITH ABSOLUTELY NO REMORSE! I WILL NEVER APOLOGIZE FOR THE MAN THAT I AM or the life that I have lived! And I’m going to have no regrets about what happens to you. Unforgiven… it’s an appropriate name, because I will never FORGIVE YOU FOR WHAT YOU’VE DONE TO ME! My only hope is that someday God can forgive me, for what I. DO TO YOU!