GhostShark
CAGiversary!
Damn, Cody Rhodes and Drew Mac got no reception whatsoever from the crowd.
The Lance Cade Memorial Wrestling thread
- Thread starter Purple Flames
- Start date
- Status
Survivalism
CAGiversary!
Justin Roberts selling the tolling bells. Love it.
Uh-oh. Undertaker's wearing his awesome pissed-off gear.
Uh-oh. Undertaker's wearing his awesome pissed-off gear.
D
Dick Tracy
Guest
Ready for HBK to do a lame run-in?
Survivalism
CAGiversary!
Bret and Undertaker also had a three-way-dance vs. a fly at One Night Only.
Call me old-fashioned, call me easily-amused, but I never get sick of the old "lights off" trick.
Call me old-fashioned, call me easily-amused, but I never get sick of the old "lights off" trick.
D
Dick Tracy
Guest
Even lamer.
S
strongpimphand
Guest
I would have liked the segment more if it went like this...
Kane comes out first and UT starts beating him up.
*lights go out*
Kane is gone and Bret leaves the ring.
*lights go out*
Wade is standing there...ready to do his finisher. Does it, and then calls for his croonies to come
Kane comes out first and UT starts beating him up.
*lights go out*
Kane is gone and Bret leaves the ring.
*lights go out*
Wade is standing there...ready to do his finisher. Does it, and then calls for his croonies to come
basilofbkrst
CAGiversary!
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Why does Gabriel keep hurting himself with that 450. Makes me think he'll have to get a new move.
GhostShark
CAGiversary!
Alberto Del Rio is awesome. I want him on both shows.
Purple Flames
CAGiversary!
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[quote name='basilofbkrst']Why does Gabriel keep hurting himself with that 450. Makes me think he'll have to get a new move.[/QUOTE]
I think he's just trying to sell the move the same way RVD used to sell the Five-Star Frog Splash.
I think he's just trying to sell the move the same way RVD used to sell the Five-Star Frog Splash.
S
strongpimphand
Guest
I'll admit it - I didn't watch a grip of that match.....I was too busy gawking at Del Rio's awesome entrance
That guy = STAR. Sometimes you just...know.
And we get CM Punk too? Great Raw in my book!
That guy = STAR. Sometimes you just...know.
And we get CM Punk too? Great Raw in my book!
Purple Flames
CAGiversary!
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Please tell me The Rock is gonna come out.
S
strongpimphand
Guest
Kate vick??!?!?
Cm punk = my hero!!!
Cm punk = my hero!!!
Demolition Man
CAGiversary!
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Wow... I didn't expect Punk to mention Katie Vick and to tell people to YouTube it.
Survivalism
CAGiversary!
Aannnndd nobody in the audience gets "Katie Vick."
Something tells me Punk isn't going to mention Brian Pillman going after Austin with a gun.
Or Kane chokeslamming Undertaker into their mother's casket.
Or Edge's live sex celebration.
Or HLA.
Or TL Hopper.
Something tells me Punk isn't going to mention Brian Pillman going after Austin with a gun.
Or Kane chokeslamming Undertaker into their mother's casket.
Or Edge's live sex celebration.
Or HLA.
Or TL Hopper.
Purple Flames
CAGiversary!
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I SOOOOOOOOOOOO hoping for that fake-out 
Damn, that was a cold Take That to Brock Lesnar.
Damn, that was a cold Take That to Brock Lesnar.
Survivalism
CAGiversary!
Captain Insano shows no mercy.
pitfallharry219
CAGiversary!
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Punk with a Waterboy reference.
Survivalism
CAGiversary!
S
strongpimphand
Guest
it's 9:45CT and the champ is finally on TV....
damn.
damn.
GhostShark
CAGiversary!
CM Punk needs a title. Just give that guy the WHC.
Survivalism
CAGiversary!
Heath Slater pins the WWE champion with a neckbreaker. I don't wonder why the announcers didn't harp on this fact.
I love the look of incredible indifference that comes over Orton's face right before an RKO.
I love the look of incredible indifference that comes over Orton's face right before an RKO.
basilofbkrst
CAGiversary!
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[quote name='GhostShark']CM Punk needs a title. Just give that guy the WHC.[/QUOTE]
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qlGVKzV8y28
Also Siren is OP.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qlGVKzV8y28
Also Siren is OP.
S
strongpimphand
Guest
It was never explained how people determine who the OP is. Is there a secret meeting or just a grand poobah of CAG?
basilofbkrst
CAGiversary!
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Wait, what?
masked lemon
CAGiversary!
Damn, you guys are all over Del Rio... I just don't see it, yet. He's like a mexican JBL, but not fat.
He needs to do something more than just beat up Mysterio and Bourne. I was kinda hoping he was going to fight against Chavo, actually. That could end up being a good fued.
He needs to do something more than just beat up Mysterio and Bourne. I was kinda hoping he was going to fight against Chavo, actually. That could end up being a good fued.
[quote name='strongpimphand']It was never explained how people determine who the OP is. Is there a secret meeting or just a grand poobah of CAG?[/QUOTE]It's just whoever feels like making one when the current thread is about to hit 500 (or 1,000 for memorial threads). There is no "process."
And I liked JBL, too. I remember one time where he had an entrance that was like 10 minutes of nonstop pyro. That was pretty nice. ADR needs to come out in a Maybach 62 next.
And I liked JBL, too. I remember one time where he had an entrance that was like 10 minutes of nonstop pyro. That was pretty nice. ADR needs to come out in a Maybach 62 next.
masked lemon
CAGiversary!
Watching that CM Punk video reminds me of something:
Why did The Miz have to wait for Shanus to be standing before the match could start the first couple times he tried to cash in MitB?
Why did The Miz have to wait for Shanus to be standing before the match could start the first couple times he tried to cash in MitB?
basilofbkrst
CAGiversary!
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[quote name='masked lemon']Watching that CM Punk video reminds me of something:
Why did The Miz have to wait for Shanus to be standing before the match could start the first couple times he tried to cash in MitB?[/QUOTE]
Miz has honor?
Why did The Miz have to wait for Shanus to be standing before the match could start the first couple times he tried to cash in MitB?[/QUOTE]
Miz has honor?
masked lemon
CAGiversary!
I didn't like JBL at first either... He ended up being 
ing awesome, of course.
I see potential in ADR, but he hasn't really accomplished or proven anything yet.
ing awesome, of course. I see potential in ADR, but he hasn't really accomplished or proven anything yet.
JaytheGamefan
CAGiversary!
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Well, the first hour was largely bad. Bret came out and yelled shit, then the GM made a match with him against 'Taker a week after banning Bret from wrestling on the show. They kind of brought it up, but it was still stupid. Kaval and Danielson vs. Miz and Riley was short, but fine. I marked out seeing Team ROH on Raw, and they built up Danielson-Miz well for NoC. Then a bunch of other stuff happened. Video clips aired. King talked about Raw being on the air so long that Snooki will be in her 90s when Jersey Shore hits 900 episodes for some reason. Bret comes out dressed like Raven, but looks much younger despite being about a decade older and having had a stroke.
Kane plays with the lights allowing Bret to leave and Taker to get up on Barrett's shoulders for the Wasteland, then Gabriel hit the 450 on him. Somehow, this was supposed to be a big deal. Nexus as only 5 guys really doesn't work largely due to the five guys remaining - of them, only Barrett seems very imposing.
Bourne-Swagger might've been good. Couldn't tell because they focused on Alberto Del Rio, who got over nicely on Raw. It's a shame it had to come at the expense of Swagger and Bourne and also tease a match with Mark Henry that no one wants to see. Punk's promo was just awesome stuff all around, except for the petty digs at Rock and Brock. "Don't know who the other guy is" after the Brock-Show ring-breaking clip was just stupid. WWE's massive inferiority complex was in full effect here, but this was particularly absurd.
The 5-on-5 elimination tag started at 11 PM, which sure seemed weird until they Edge and Jericho actually act like heels and basically say " it" and leave the rest of the team high and dry. So after Nexus loses at the PPV, they're able to win here - after most of the opposing team throws the match. The quick Orton eliminations were great at making him seem like a world-beater, and Barrett pinning Orton was a nice way to have him pin a main eventer. Still, the booking of this group as a whole is shot to hell. Aside from a few bright spots, this show sucked. There was maybe 30 minutes of wrestling throughout the whole thing, and the non-wrestling stuff wasn't exactly golden either.
Screens -
Quoth the Hitman, Nevermore
Quotes -
Kane plays with the lights allowing Bret to leave and Taker to get up on Barrett's shoulders for the Wasteland, then Gabriel hit the 450 on him. Somehow, this was supposed to be a big deal. Nexus as only 5 guys really doesn't work largely due to the five guys remaining - of them, only Barrett seems very imposing.
Bourne-Swagger might've been good. Couldn't tell because they focused on Alberto Del Rio, who got over nicely on Raw. It's a shame it had to come at the expense of Swagger and Bourne and also tease a match with Mark Henry that no one wants to see. Punk's promo was just awesome stuff all around, except for the petty digs at Rock and Brock. "Don't know who the other guy is" after the Brock-Show ring-breaking clip was just stupid. WWE's massive inferiority complex was in full effect here, but this was particularly absurd.
The 5-on-5 elimination tag started at 11 PM, which sure seemed weird until they Edge and Jericho actually act like heels and basically say "
it" and leave the rest of the team high and dry. So after Nexus loses at the PPV, they're able to win here - after most of the opposing team throws the match. The quick Orton eliminations were great at making him seem like a world-beater, and Barrett pinning Orton was a nice way to have him pin a main eventer. Still, the booking of this group as a whole is shot to hell. Aside from a few bright spots, this show sucked. There was maybe 30 minutes of wrestling throughout the whole thing, and the non-wrestling stuff wasn't exactly golden either.Screens -
Quoth the Hitman, Nevermore
Quotes -
Cole - IT IS A LANDMARK NIGHT IN TV HISTORY! WE WELCOME YOU TO THE 900TH CONSECUTIVE WEEK OF MONDAY NIGHT RAW!
Cole - Many would say that Bret’s out here stealing the spotlight.
Cole - Raw has surpassed the Simpsons - SO LONG BART!
Bret - Hello Boston - long time no see. 17 years ago, a new show debuted called Monday Night Raw. I have to confess, even then, I wondered if Raw would even catch on. But thanks to you, 17 years and 900 episodes later, it looks o me like it’s doing pretty damn good! In fact, Raw has the most shows of any show in prime time history. I was there for the first episode, and there’s only one other wrestler who was here for that first show - the Undertaker! So I thought it might be appropriate… (Kane comes out)
Kane - THERE IS NO UNDERTAKER! ANYMORE! Thanks to me physically decimating him and leaving him to rot in a vegetative state, the Undertaker is a phenom no longer. HE’S NOT PHENOMENAL IN ANYWAY! He’s just a man. A man you once knew, Bret. He’s like you, Bret. Weak. Feeble. Scraggly. Over the hill. Irreversibly damaged. The last time he was truly the Undertaker was at ‘Mania, when he ended the career of Shawn Michaels. You must’ve loved that, Bret. Seeing Shawn, a man who you had made amends with, but who you utterly despise. HOW YOU MUST HAVE SAVORED SEEING HIM FINALLY LAID TO REST.
Bret - The only thing I’m gonna savor is when the Undertaker gets his hands on you and beats you ike he always does!
Kane - NOW YOU EVEN SOUND LIKE MY BROTHER. THE ONE THING I’VE WANTED IN LIFE MORE THAN ANYTHING ELSE IS TO BREAK OUT OF HIS SHADOW AND PROVE THAT I’M THE DEVIL’S FAVORITE’S DEMON. ‘Taker took out an icon in HBK, and I need to take out one of my own. I need to take out… you, Bret.
Cole - I HAVE RECEIVED AN E-MAIL! AND I QUOTE! I see this iconic moment taking place. And in honor of Raw’s 900th episode, and despite my reluctance in the past, we will have a main event befitting this historic occasion. Bret Hart vs. the Undertaker!
Cole - The team made in internet heaven - Daniel Bryan and Kaval. Combined weight is about 160 and their height is 5’9”.
King - That’s your opinion, and opinions are like…noses - everyone’s got one.
Cole - LOOK AT WHAT BRYAN’S DONE TO MIZ. TAKING HIM OUT OF TEAM WWE AND THEN EMBARASSING HIM WITH THE LABELLE LOCK LAST WEEK.
Cole - This show has been like a who’s who of sports and entertainment.
King - And tomorrow night, two men will go from who knows to WHO CARES.
Cole - If Kaval and Daniel Bryan win, it’ll put a big damper on this celebratory night.
Cole - MIZ WITH THE CASE TO THE FACE!
(to the fallen ROH brethren)Miz - THERE’S THE INTERNET - AND HERE’S WWE! (himself and Riley stand tall)
(after Miz lays out Bryan)Cole - That was awesome! That was awesome!
Cole - LayCool refers to Melina as Lady Wawa.
McCool - Melina, you’re FORGETTABLE.
McCool - At Night of Champions, let’s unify the diva’s and women’s titles. WHADYA SAYA, CHICA WAWA?!
King - I CAN’T THINK OF A BETTER CITY TO HOST THE 900TH EPISODE OF RAW THAN BOSTON!
Josh - You’ve been a part…
Jericho - STOP WITH YOUR USELESS PLATITUDES. Do you think I say I’m the best in the world for a gimmick on the back of a shirt? NO. I AM THE BEST IN THE WORLD. I AM THE GREATEST PERFORMER OF THIS GENERATION OR ANY OTHER. If I don’t win the WWE Title at NoC, then that’s it - Jericho’s gone. It’s the last you’ll see of Chris Jericho in WWE.
Josh - You’ve been kicked off Raw and left at least a dozen times…
Jericho - Think I’m joking? Want to see how much confidence I have? Watch what I do tonight and see me prove that I am what I say I am - the best in the world at what I do.
TRUTH - WHAT’S UP!?
Cole - We get it! WE GET IT!
Cole - As legendary Raw announcer J.R. would say - THIS MATCH IS GONNA BE A SLOBBERKNOCKER!
Cole - There have been many great teams on Raw. Hardy Boys, Edge and Christian, Patterson and Brisco.
King - And King and J.R. Think of how many times I got to say PUPPIES!
Cole - Better not.
(after HBK-Bret Jan 4th clip airs)Cole - That was something we thought we’d never see. And now…something we never thought we’d see. (regarding Bret-Taker tonight)
Cole - THIS IS THE 900TH ANNIVERSARY OF RAW!
King - WE’VE HAD MORE EPISODES THAN THE BEVERLY HILLBILLIES!
Barrett - Hold your horses, gentlemen, this match is NOT gonna happen! Cuz when people talk about the 900th episode of Raw, they don’t wanna talk about two legends, they wanna talk about the future, and the future is Nexus. And leader of the Nexus is me Wade Barrett, and I said I was gonna do something unforgettable. And I’m gonna do that right now by delousing Bret and proving to the world that the Undertaker is indeed a DEAD MAN.
Cole - THE PHENOM IS LOOKING PHENOMENAL!
Cole - WASTELAND TO THE UNDERTAKER!
King - Undertaker held his own against Nexus. More than held his own, actually.
King - KANE’S GOT UNDERTAKER POWERS!
Swagger - All hail the returning, conquering AMERICAN HERO! When I left Raw, I was an all-American, American, American - now I return a former world champion. I can understand why Johnny Damon doesn’t want to come back to Boston, but I have no problem bringing a little Swagger back to Raw!
Alberto - MY NAME IS ALBERTO DEL RIO - But you already know that. Thanks to me, that little chiuaua , Rey Mysterio, is not gonna be here tonight. The only place you can see him is the hospital. What I did to Rey last week was phenomenal, just phenomenal. INCREDIBLE. But I’m gonna be onest with you, I’m not completely happy, because you, my audience from Raw, didn’t see it. You didn’t see what I did to Rey Mysterio. So tonight, I’m gonna recreate that magic moment - JUST FOR YOU. But with a different chiuaua .
Cole - WE WANT TO THANK YOU, THE WWE UNIVERSE, FOR HELPING US GET TO 900!
Punk - Do ya know who I’m better than? THE ROCK. I don’t drink. I don’t smoke, or make crappy movies like the Tooth Fairy. Do you people like the Rock? Do you miss the Rock on Raw? I don’t miss the Rock, and I’ll tell ya why - he epitomizes this septic tank of a show that is Raw. 900 shows is a milestone, but for 900 shows, RAW HAS BEEN PROMOTING POOR FAMILY VALUES. Don’t believe me? I got two words for ya - Katie Vick. Just Youtube it. It’ll drive you to drink it and I WILL SAVE YOU. Tonight, I’ve taken it upon yourself to show you the four most atrocious acts ever committed on Raw. I am Raw’s judge, jury, and executioner. Exhibit A - PROPERTY DAMAGE! IT’S PEOPLE ACTING LIKE ANIMALS. Exhibit B - irresponsible and reckless behavior. I for one would never throw a competitor into any body of water. Ever. It’s just poor sportsmanship. But I digress. Exhibit C - trespassing! And last, and certainly least - D for Dumb. EXCESSIVE USE OF ALCOHOL VIA FIREHOSE! I can’t even find the words to describe the shame I feel for you people to cheer a man like that! I don’t put it past anyone of you. You would all empty your pockets and put a second mortgage on your house just to see Austin come down the ramp and spray CM Punk with beer via a firehose. THAT’S THE KIND OF…(Austin‘s music hits)
Cole - As J.R. would say - STONE COLD STONE COLD!
Punk - DID YOU FALL FOR IT!? You fell for it, obviously. I see It on your faces. BOOO WWAHHH! Are you disappointed Boston? Are you upset with me? GOOD. BECAUSE THAT’S HOW DISAPPOINTED I ALWAYS FEEL WHEN I SEE EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOU. I’m not sorry, I’M HAPPY YOU’RE DISAPPOINTED. This is a clip from a really good show - SmackDown! I could watch that over and over. Again and again, because it represents everything I could never be. Being criminally obese. I don’t who the other guy was, but Show’s so big he breaks an entire ring. WHY DO I ALWAYS GET INTERRUPTED!?
Show - 900TH EPISODE OF RAW BABY, WOOO!
Punk - You get Austin’s music, but no Austin, and we play Show’s music and get Captain Insano.
Show - You try to embarrass me and you go with a fat joke? I’ve lost weight! Okay. I found it. If you want to embarrass me, bring up something really embarrassing. Like the time Eddie gave me a tainted burrito and I had the runs for five days! Or the time I had 40 yards of silk wrapped up…everywhere when I did the sumo thing. Or when I got caught on video…um…kissing Vickie… BUT A FAT JOKE!? Punk, I like to entertain. I do impersonations It’s what I do. AN SES IMPERSONATION. AND WE’LL MIX IT UP. LET ME TELL YA SOMETHING BROTHER, THAT SES DUDES, THEY’RE RUNNING WILD BROTHERS. SAY YOUR PRAYERS, TAKE YOUR VITAMINS, STRAIGHT EDGE SOCIETY DUDE. High Five.
Punk - I thought you said something about being entertaining. THAT WAS BORING AND NOBODY LIKES YOU!
Show - THAT WAS MEAN!
Punk - High five? THERE IS NOTHING HIGH ABOUT THE SES AND THAT’S WHAT MAKES US BETTER THAN YOU!
Show - I’m not high I’m just tall.
Cole - WE’VE HAD MORE ORIGINAL EPISODES THAN EVERY STAR TREK SERIES COMBINED!
King - WE’RE A JUGGERNAUT!
Josh - At NoC…
Sheamus - Lemme stop ya, what an event. 900 eps of Raw and everyone’s here to celebrate. Everyone except one man - HHH. He’s not here cuz of me! HE’S NOT COMING BACK, AND I guess that’s why I’m being punished at NoC. How’s that fair!? YOU THINK THAT’S FAIR.? You’re all a bunch of plastic patties. The only real Irishman in this city is me! In spite of the six pack challenge, I’ve found I have to tag with 4 of my PPV opponents, one of which includes Randy Orton - WHO TRIED TO END ME CAREER! NEVER HAS A CHAMPION BEEN TREATED SO POORLY. THIS IS DISCRIMINATION!
Edge - You’er giving me a headache, fella. I came out to inform you since I debuted on Raw, I’ve been thrown into the long island sound, deranged ex-employees come through the crowd and been thrown through tables. I’ve been through many atrocities, but I’m proud to say that I’ve given back three times as many. I’ve won 29 championships in WWE. I’ve won King of the Ring, and was the first MITB winner. I’m gonna win the six pack challenge. You can go back to the lab, Beaker. I’m gonna become the new WWE Champion.
Cole - THANK YOU WWE UNIVERSE FOR MAKING 900 EPISODES HAPPEN!
Cole - Many would say that Bret’s out here stealing the spotlight.
Cole - Raw has surpassed the Simpsons - SO LONG BART!
Bret - Hello Boston - long time no see. 17 years ago, a new show debuted called Monday Night Raw. I have to confess, even then, I wondered if Raw would even catch on. But thanks to you, 17 years and 900 episodes later, it looks o me like it’s doing pretty damn good! In fact, Raw has the most shows of any show in prime time history. I was there for the first episode, and there’s only one other wrestler who was here for that first show - the Undertaker! So I thought it might be appropriate… (Kane comes out)
Kane - THERE IS NO UNDERTAKER! ANYMORE! Thanks to me physically decimating him and leaving him to rot in a vegetative state, the Undertaker is a phenom no longer. HE’S NOT PHENOMENAL IN ANYWAY! He’s just a man. A man you once knew, Bret. He’s like you, Bret. Weak. Feeble. Scraggly. Over the hill. Irreversibly damaged. The last time he was truly the Undertaker was at ‘Mania, when he ended the career of Shawn Michaels. You must’ve loved that, Bret. Seeing Shawn, a man who you had made amends with, but who you utterly despise. HOW YOU MUST HAVE SAVORED SEEING HIM FINALLY LAID TO REST.
Bret - The only thing I’m gonna savor is when the Undertaker gets his hands on you and beats you ike he always does!
Kane - NOW YOU EVEN SOUND LIKE MY BROTHER. THE ONE THING I’VE WANTED IN LIFE MORE THAN ANYTHING ELSE IS TO BREAK OUT OF HIS SHADOW AND PROVE THAT I’M THE DEVIL’S FAVORITE’S DEMON. ‘Taker took out an icon in HBK, and I need to take out one of my own. I need to take out… you, Bret.
Cole - I HAVE RECEIVED AN E-MAIL! AND I QUOTE! I see this iconic moment taking place. And in honor of Raw’s 900th episode, and despite my reluctance in the past, we will have a main event befitting this historic occasion. Bret Hart vs. the Undertaker!
Cole - The team made in internet heaven - Daniel Bryan and Kaval. Combined weight is about 160 and their height is 5’9”.
King - That’s your opinion, and opinions are like…noses - everyone’s got one.
Cole - LOOK AT WHAT BRYAN’S DONE TO MIZ. TAKING HIM OUT OF TEAM WWE AND THEN EMBARASSING HIM WITH THE LABELLE LOCK LAST WEEK.
Cole - This show has been like a who’s who of sports and entertainment.
King - And tomorrow night, two men will go from who knows to WHO CARES.
Cole - If Kaval and Daniel Bryan win, it’ll put a big damper on this celebratory night.
Cole - MIZ WITH THE CASE TO THE FACE!
(to the fallen ROH brethren)Miz - THERE’S THE INTERNET - AND HERE’S WWE! (himself and Riley stand tall)
(after Miz lays out Bryan)Cole - That was awesome! That was awesome!
Cole - LayCool refers to Melina as Lady Wawa.
McCool - Melina, you’re FORGETTABLE.
McCool - At Night of Champions, let’s unify the diva’s and women’s titles. WHADYA SAYA, CHICA WAWA?!
King - I CAN’T THINK OF A BETTER CITY TO HOST THE 900TH EPISODE OF RAW THAN BOSTON!
Josh - You’ve been a part…
Jericho - STOP WITH YOUR USELESS PLATITUDES. Do you think I say I’m the best in the world for a gimmick on the back of a shirt? NO. I AM THE BEST IN THE WORLD. I AM THE GREATEST PERFORMER OF THIS GENERATION OR ANY OTHER. If I don’t win the WWE Title at NoC, then that’s it - Jericho’s gone. It’s the last you’ll see of Chris Jericho in WWE.
Josh - You’ve been kicked off Raw and left at least a dozen times…
Jericho - Think I’m joking? Want to see how much confidence I have? Watch what I do tonight and see me prove that I am what I say I am - the best in the world at what I do.
TRUTH - WHAT’S UP!?
Cole - We get it! WE GET IT!
Cole - As legendary Raw announcer J.R. would say - THIS MATCH IS GONNA BE A SLOBBERKNOCKER!
Cole - There have been many great teams on Raw. Hardy Boys, Edge and Christian, Patterson and Brisco.
King - And King and J.R. Think of how many times I got to say PUPPIES!
Cole - Better not.
(after HBK-Bret Jan 4th clip airs)Cole - That was something we thought we’d never see. And now…something we never thought we’d see. (regarding Bret-Taker tonight)
Cole - THIS IS THE 900TH ANNIVERSARY OF RAW!
King - WE’VE HAD MORE EPISODES THAN THE BEVERLY HILLBILLIES!
Barrett - Hold your horses, gentlemen, this match is NOT gonna happen! Cuz when people talk about the 900th episode of Raw, they don’t wanna talk about two legends, they wanna talk about the future, and the future is Nexus. And leader of the Nexus is me Wade Barrett, and I said I was gonna do something unforgettable. And I’m gonna do that right now by delousing Bret and proving to the world that the Undertaker is indeed a DEAD MAN.
Cole - THE PHENOM IS LOOKING PHENOMENAL!
Cole - WASTELAND TO THE UNDERTAKER!
King - Undertaker held his own against Nexus. More than held his own, actually.
King - KANE’S GOT UNDERTAKER POWERS!
Swagger - All hail the returning, conquering AMERICAN HERO! When I left Raw, I was an all-American, American, American - now I return a former world champion. I can understand why Johnny Damon doesn’t want to come back to Boston, but I have no problem bringing a little Swagger back to Raw!
Alberto - MY NAME IS ALBERTO DEL RIO - But you already know that. Thanks to me, that little chiuaua , Rey Mysterio, is not gonna be here tonight. The only place you can see him is the hospital. What I did to Rey last week was phenomenal, just phenomenal. INCREDIBLE. But I’m gonna be onest with you, I’m not completely happy, because you, my audience from Raw, didn’t see it. You didn’t see what I did to Rey Mysterio. So tonight, I’m gonna recreate that magic moment - JUST FOR YOU. But with a different chiuaua .
Cole - WE WANT TO THANK YOU, THE WWE UNIVERSE, FOR HELPING US GET TO 900!
Punk - Do ya know who I’m better than? THE ROCK. I don’t drink. I don’t smoke, or make crappy movies like the Tooth Fairy. Do you people like the Rock? Do you miss the Rock on Raw? I don’t miss the Rock, and I’ll tell ya why - he epitomizes this septic tank of a show that is Raw. 900 shows is a milestone, but for 900 shows, RAW HAS BEEN PROMOTING POOR FAMILY VALUES. Don’t believe me? I got two words for ya - Katie Vick. Just Youtube it. It’ll drive you to drink it and I WILL SAVE YOU. Tonight, I’ve taken it upon yourself to show you the four most atrocious acts ever committed on Raw. I am Raw’s judge, jury, and executioner. Exhibit A - PROPERTY DAMAGE! IT’S PEOPLE ACTING LIKE ANIMALS. Exhibit B - irresponsible and reckless behavior. I for one would never throw a competitor into any body of water. Ever. It’s just poor sportsmanship. But I digress. Exhibit C - trespassing! And last, and certainly least - D for Dumb. EXCESSIVE USE OF ALCOHOL VIA FIREHOSE! I can’t even find the words to describe the shame I feel for you people to cheer a man like that! I don’t put it past anyone of you. You would all empty your pockets and put a second mortgage on your house just to see Austin come down the ramp and spray CM Punk with beer via a firehose. THAT’S THE KIND OF…(Austin‘s music hits)
Cole - As J.R. would say - STONE COLD STONE COLD!
Punk - DID YOU FALL FOR IT!? You fell for it, obviously. I see It on your faces. BOOO WWAHHH! Are you disappointed Boston? Are you upset with me? GOOD. BECAUSE THAT’S HOW DISAPPOINTED I ALWAYS FEEL WHEN I SEE EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOU. I’m not sorry, I’M HAPPY YOU’RE DISAPPOINTED. This is a clip from a really good show - SmackDown! I could watch that over and over. Again and again, because it represents everything I could never be. Being criminally obese. I don’t who the other guy was, but Show’s so big he breaks an entire ring. WHY DO I ALWAYS GET INTERRUPTED!?
Show - 900TH EPISODE OF RAW BABY, WOOO!
Punk - You get Austin’s music, but no Austin, and we play Show’s music and get Captain Insano.
Show - You try to embarrass me and you go with a fat joke? I’ve lost weight! Okay. I found it. If you want to embarrass me, bring up something really embarrassing. Like the time Eddie gave me a tainted burrito and I had the runs for five days! Or the time I had 40 yards of silk wrapped up…everywhere when I did the sumo thing. Or when I got caught on video…um…kissing Vickie… BUT A FAT JOKE!? Punk, I like to entertain. I do impersonations It’s what I do. AN SES IMPERSONATION. AND WE’LL MIX IT UP. LET ME TELL YA SOMETHING BROTHER, THAT SES DUDES, THEY’RE RUNNING WILD BROTHERS. SAY YOUR PRAYERS, TAKE YOUR VITAMINS, STRAIGHT EDGE SOCIETY DUDE. High Five.
Punk - I thought you said something about being entertaining. THAT WAS BORING AND NOBODY LIKES YOU!
Show - THAT WAS MEAN!
Punk - High five? THERE IS NOTHING HIGH ABOUT THE SES AND THAT’S WHAT MAKES US BETTER THAN YOU!
Show - I’m not high I’m just tall.
Cole - WE’VE HAD MORE ORIGINAL EPISODES THAN EVERY STAR TREK SERIES COMBINED!
King - WE’RE A JUGGERNAUT!
Josh - At NoC…
Sheamus - Lemme stop ya, what an event. 900 eps of Raw and everyone’s here to celebrate. Everyone except one man - HHH. He’s not here cuz of me! HE’S NOT COMING BACK, AND I guess that’s why I’m being punished at NoC. How’s that fair!? YOU THINK THAT’S FAIR.? You’re all a bunch of plastic patties. The only real Irishman in this city is me! In spite of the six pack challenge, I’ve found I have to tag with 4 of my PPV opponents, one of which includes Randy Orton - WHO TRIED TO END ME CAREER! NEVER HAS A CHAMPION BEEN TREATED SO POORLY. THIS IS DISCRIMINATION!
Edge - You’er giving me a headache, fella. I came out to inform you since I debuted on Raw, I’ve been thrown into the long island sound, deranged ex-employees come through the crowd and been thrown through tables. I’ve been through many atrocities, but I’m proud to say that I’ve given back three times as many. I’ve won 29 championships in WWE. I’ve won King of the Ring, and was the first MITB winner. I’m gonna win the six pack challenge. You can go back to the lab, Beaker. I’m gonna become the new WWE Champion.
Cole - THANK YOU WWE UNIVERSE FOR MAKING 900 EPISODES HAPPEN!
masked lemon
CAGiversary!
Oh yeah... where the is Sheffield?
is Sheffield?- Status
bread's done