Chavo - Edge, you are like the brother I never had - you’re a perfect fit for the Guerrero family. You’ve got that wild side, but don’t worry Vickie, he won’t even turn off his cell phone because he might miss a call from you. You’ve got the greatest love of all - that’s the kind of thing they only have in movies, and I feel honored to watch it blossom and grow.
Edge - Finlay, I see you and your son blatantly cheating each week - Hawkins and Ryder are too smart to fall for that. I’ll tell you another person who’s too smart to fall for it - me! I’ll be right back, baby.
Foley - I can’t believe this - Hawkins and Ryder are wrestling in their street clothes. How indignant - a wrestler wrestling in street clothes!
J.R. - Imagine that.
Foley - This isn’t as nonsensical as it may seem - it’s not the first fight I’ve seen break out at a wedding.
Foley - Hawkins of course in the lavender cummerbund.
Foley - J.R., you’re doing a good job - without their names written on their ring attire, I can’t tell these guys apart.
(after a double butt drop from Finlay and Hornswoggle)Foley - ME SO HORNY!
Foley - Spear by the groom.
J.R. - Referee groom.
Foley - Not since Charles and Diana has a wedding captured the public’s attention like this.
(Show dances with Vickie)Edge - CUT THE MUSIC! YOU KNOW WHAT?! I DON’T BLAME YOU FOR WANTING TO DANCE WITH MY BRIDE, AND YOU KNOW YOU HAVE A MATCH COMING UP NEXT, BUT YOU DON’T KNOW WHO YOUR OPPONENTS ARE, SO WHY DON’T YOU GET YOUR BUTT DOWN TO THE RING AND FIND OUT NOW!
Foley - It’s Vickie Guerrero-Edge. I wonder if since they’re wedded, Edge can take on some GM responsibilities.
Foley - Tonight, shades of the Civil War - Matt Hardy versus Jeff Hardy.
Vickie - As everyone knows, it is wedding tradition…(fans boo) EXCUSE ME, THIS IS MY DAY! I HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY, PLEASE BE QUIET! It is wedding tradition… IT IS WEDDING TRADITION… HOW RUDE! IT IS WEDDING TRADITION TO GATHER ALL OF THE ELIBIBLE BACHELORETTES AND SEE WHO CAN CATCH THE WEDDING BOUQET! EXCUSE ME!
(after Cherry is attacked and covered)Vickie - YOUR WINNER, THE BRIDE!
J.R. - That large man with Kendrick is named Ezekial. I’m not sure what their relationship is, but I’m sure we’ll find out more over time.
Foley - I think it’s safe to say that he’s a trusted advisor now.
Foley - It’s about time Kendrick lost those horrible shorts.
Foley - In my dealings with him, he’s always been a jerk - I think we’re seeing a truer version of Brian Kendrick.
J.R. - One of the veterans told me that Kendrick reminds them of HBK during the Attitude era.
Foley - Kendrick with some leopard skin attire - like Mick Foley there.
Kennedy - I MAY BE FROM GREEN BAY, WISCONSIN, BUT TONIGHT, WE’RE KICKING IT IN NORTH CACILAKI! I AM MISTERRRRRR…..(crowd says “Kennedy!)COME ON I KNOW YOU CAN DO BETTER THAN THAT! KENEEDDDDDYYYY! KKKENNNEEDDYYYY!
Foley - Burger King - Have it your way, YEAH!
Foley - I can’t believe how Kennedy was pandering to our fans, right here, in North Carolina!
J.R. - Can you imagine that? Pandering!
J.R. - Kennedy’s trying to man up and stay vertical, while Umaga’s down on one knee!
Foley - HE’S DOWN ON ONE KNEE!
Foley - You don’t think that Umaga’s upset he wasn’t invited to the wedding party?
J.R. - I have no idea - I haven’t seen his sensitive side yet.
J.R. - Umaga using the nerve hold, just like men like Gorilla Monsoon.
Foley - As I understand it, Vickie’s wedding gift to Edge was letting him become the spokesman for Slim Jim.
Foley - I’ve hitched a ride on the biscuits and gravy train!
J.R. - Can you imagine like Brangelina if Edge and Vickie had children how much the photos would go for?
Foley - The sky’s the limits for them.
J.R. - And don’t think they wouldn’t sell those photos, either.
Foley - Festus is like the Incredible Hulk - transforming into a different human being.
J.R. - Only he isn’t green.
J.R. - Can you imagine the celebration at the trailer park if Jesse and Festus won the tag titles?
Foley - I think you’re making a bit of an assumption there..
J.R. - Double-wide, with air conditioning.
J.R. - Morrison reminds me of the late Ravishing Rick Rude, with the amazing physique.
Foley - Yes, the abs are definitely a part of the Rude and Morrison physique.
Foley - When you take the subject of the Miz out of a conversation with the Miz, there isn’t much left.
(Festus hicks up)Foley - THE RAILS HAVE COME OFF THE GRAVY TRAIN!
J.R. - Brother versus brother - this could be a crash and burnathon if Vickie and Edge have teir way.
J.R. - One of the greatest U.S. champions ever, Roddy Piper, competed here in North Carolina many times.
Foley - I talked with another great U.S. champion, Magnum T.A., was backstage today.
Foley - Hawkins and Ryder had a little trouser trouble earlier.
J.R. - I hadn’t noticed that.
Foley - The Hardys are in their backyard - they growed up, grew up here in North Carolina.
J.R. - Jeff Hardy skins the cat like the legendary Ricky “the Dragon” Steamboat.
Edge - They say that your wedding day is the happiest day of your life, and up until now, I never really understood that. But now, now I can vouch for that - NOW I UNDERSTAND! Words cannot express how much I love you. I love you from the bottom of my heart! You know, I can’t show you physically, at least not right now, but I can show you another way. I’ve had the great SmackDown production team put together a little package - they haven’t even slept, just so I could present this to you. (package airs, HHH comes out)
HHH - I can tell by the looks on your faces that you’re not happy to see me out here - that’s understandable, and I’ll be the first to admit that I have a…reputation for these weddings, but I can promise you this - I am NOT out here to tell you that I’m secretly married to Vickie. I’m here for the same reason everyone else is here for - we’re here to celebrate true love! (fans boo) The true love that you feel for each other, it just warms my heart, and with that in mind, I’ve brought some gifts to show you how I feel. I know you just showed a very impressive video, Edge, and while I didn’t have the time that you had to make that, I have made one of my own, and I do feel that my video is special in its own way and I think it truly, just expresses the love Edge that you feel for Vickie. Let’s take a look at “True Love”. (video airs of Edge and the wedding planner) Hang on, Edge isn’t pleased. I’m sorry, I should’ve looked at it first - the wedding planning part is boring, let’s get to the good stuff.
Edge - What are you wearing? It’s like angels harmonizing on a winter’s morning.
Planner - I’m not wearing anything…thank you.
Edge - Oooh, my trap…it locks up. It does. Could you just… it’s locked.
Planner - I think it’s getting looser…
Edge - Actually, I think it’s getting stiffer.
Edge - Honey, you know I have a bad neck - it tightens up, I get knots.
HHH - Vickie, that’s a personally reasonable explanation - lots of guys bring women up to their rooms and get massages when their wives aren’t around - it means nothing.
Edge - I’M SICK OF THIS, GUYS, GET THIS!
HHH - This leads me to gift number 2, It’s 1 size fits all and there’s plenty for all of ya (sledgehammer is pulled out) No? Okay then, “True Love”.
Edge - There’s a knot there - I could really get to it if you…weren’t wearing a bra.
Edge - I went to Frederick’s to get some stuff for Vickie, and they said they didn’t have anything in her size, so they sent me to some place called Lane Bryant, and it takes a lot of material for that stuff…
HHH - This is awkward… I feel a little uncomfortable. I’m embarrassed. I didn’t watch this before I made it, and, you know, this part just completely kills gift number 3 (he pulls out giant panties) I guess you won’t be needing these since Edge has ya covered. Hell, I can always park my car under it. Anyway, let’s cut to the chase, okay here folks. Let’s get to the final chapter of this… love saga. Once again, “True Love”. (Edge is shown kissing the wedding planner)
Vickie - I HATE YOU! I HATTTEEE YOUUUUUUU!! AHAAAAHHHHHHHH! I HATE YOU!!!! NOOOOOO! MY WEDDDDIINNNNNGGGG! I HATTTEEEEEE YOUUUUUUU!!!