Cole - JOHN CENA JOINS US TONIGHT TO ADDRESS THE WWE UNIVERSE!
Punk - AWW, I’M SORRY. Your tag team title match has been rescheduled for a later date! Ever since Nexus first made its Impact on Raw, they have been the most dominant force the WWE has ever seen. And now, we’re even stronger! Nexus, listen up - each one of you has the ability to shine brighter than any other superstar in history. I can give you the tools to succeed. I’ve already set the example to follow, unlike your previous leader, who failed to provide any example at all. Two weeks ago, I took Cena out of the equation. Your hero in all of his broken down glory will appear here tonight. Cena will, what I’m hoping, deliver a tear-jerking encore farewell speech. His days of HUSTLE, LOYALTY, AND RESPECT ARE OVER! While mine are just beginning! Later tonight, in an act of selfless leadership, I CM PUNK Will make the ultimate sacrifice when I initiate myself as the new leader of the New Nexus! But I’m getting ahead of myself. Mine won’t be the only initiation tonight - you all must prove to the group, me, and THESE WORTHLESS PEOPLE that you have what It takes to belong in the new Nexus. If you accept and pass, then the Nexus will be at its apex of power. We will not just take over Raw, BUT THE WWE ENTIRELY!
Otunga - I think I speak for everyone here - we would be honored to be initiated Into the new Nexus tonight.
Punk - Otunga, the honor will all be mine! Let’s begin, shall we. MICHAEL MCGILLICUTTY - you’re up first. Nexus is famous for these group beatdowns. You’ve beaten down hall of famers and the chairman of the board… (fans chant Cena) AND YES, WE’VE BEATEN DOWN CENA TOO! Your initiation is to be on the receiving end of a beat down. Husky, get it started.
(as Nexus attacks Hennig)King - THIS IS THE STRANGEST THING WE’VE SEEN ON RAW!
(as Truth raps)Cole - I WISH HE’D DISAPPEAR!
Cole - THERE ARE ONLY 1,000 OF THESE BENTLEYS AVAILABLE IN THE WORLD!
Ricardo - HEY, WHAT’S UP WHAT’S UP, WHAT’S UP! (Truth attacks him and gets counted out)
Alberto - ANOTHER VICTORY FOR ALBERTO DEL RIO. BUT YOU ALREADY KNOW THAT. You also know that my destiny is to win the Royal Rumble and headline WrestleMania! TONIGHT, WE’RE IN NASHVILLE! The music city? You silly AMERICANOS! YOU DON’T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT MU-SIC! YOU DON’T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT CUL-TURE! ALL YOU KNOW IS ABOUT YOUR JUSTIN BEIBER, YOUR AMERICAN IDOLS, AND YOUR HIP-HOP. AND THAT HORRIBLE AND BORING COUNTRY MUSIC! But hey, in Mexico, we know about music! WE KNOW ABOUT CULTURE! (USA chant breaks out) Hold on, come on, now please allow a man with many attributes to show you THE REAL MUSIC. THE MARIACHI MUSIC!
Cole - I had mariachis at my wedding.
King - I wouldn’t admit it.
Alberto - RICARDO! DO IT FOR ME!
Ricardo - LA CUCARACHA!
Cole - SUPERBIO!
Ricardo - VALIZ NAVIDAD!
Cole - WHY DON’T YOU APOLOGIZE TO THE MIZ? I HAVE JUST RECEIVED AN E-MAIL, AND I QUOTE!
Fans - WE WANT JR! WE WANT JR!
Cole - RECENTLY, MICHAEL COLE HAS BEEN ON THE RECEIVING END OF A LOT OF CRITICISM, HOWEVER, I SUPPORT MICHAEL COLE IN EVERY WAY. Even though he’s a conceited…pompous…arrogant... SELF-CENTERED!? PRETENTIOUS JERK!/ Okay - Just kidding! Cole has done a phenomenal job and is the epitome of manhood! I wish we had more people like him with the guts to stand up to POPULAR OPINION. HE IS AN AWARD-WINNING JOURNALIST, A TWO TIME SLAMMY WINNER, WITTY, HIGHLY-INTELLIGENT, AND HANDSOME! The highest honor one can achieve is to call themselves a COLE MINER.
King - Hold on. I HAVE JUST RECEIVED A MESSAGE FROM THE WWE UNIVERSE! AND I QUOTE! WILL YOU PLEASE SHUT UP!? Cole, nobody in their right mind would ever think, say, or type that you are handsome! What you really are is a coward!
Cole - YOU CAN’T TOUCH ME OR YOU’LL BE FIRED! THE GM ORDERED IT! IT STILL WORKS, AND I QUOTE! I assure you that Michael Cole is NOT a coward. And King, neither are you. That’s why I know that even though your body hasn’t recovered, you can’t wait to exact revenge. Tonight, WWE Champion the Miz and Alex Riley will take on the team of Jerry Lawler and RANDY ORTON!
Punk - Husky, your initiation is in my left hand. You will willingly take three lashes from everyone here.
Husky - I accept.
Punk - Husky - take the shirt off.
Punk - HOLD HIS ARMS AND GET HIM UP! (whips him half a dozen times)
King - This is the stupidest thing I’ve ever seen.
King - This isn’t an invasion - It’s a friendly visit from Big Show.
Cole - At least he isn’t dressed as Santa. He’s had a weird Santa fetish for a few weeks.
Show - It’s great to be back on Raw. I wanna thank the GM for letting me discuss a couple issues. Number 1 - WADE BARRETT. I find it funny that last week, he gets knocked out of Nexus, and on Smack Down - I’M GONNA KNOCK WADE BARRETT OUT. Item 2 - the Royal Rumble. I’m letting everyone know that YOU’RE ON NOTICE. The Big Show is coming and I’m not playing games. I’m gonna go onto the WrestleMania main event! (Nexus comes out, Otunga slaps Show)
Crowd - KNOCK HIM OUT!
Cole - Here’s the man they’re now calling THE MASTER OF PARKOUR!
Cole - SHEAMUS SMELLS BLOOD.
Punk - I’m not gonna hit you with these kendo sticks…you’re gonna hit each other. I EXPECT HOME RUNS FROM MY SOLDIERS, SO SWING FOR THE FENCES! DO IT! You’re gonna hit me? Do it! (Heath and Gabriel leave)
Cole - SHAWN MICHAELS IS HERE!
Crowd - HBK! HBK! HBK!
Crowd - ONE MORE MATCH! ONE MORE MATCH! (Alberto comes out)
Alberto - MY NAME IS ALBERTO DEL RIO! BUT YOU, YOU ALREADY KNOW THAT! And you, YOU’RE SHAWN MICHAELS. THE LEGEND! THE ICON! THE SHOWSTOPPER! Not anymore! You see, these people used to cheer you. Hey, BUT NOW THEY CHEER ME! (Fans boo) IT’S SIMPLE - THEY KNOW I’M THE PRESENT AND FUTURE OF THE WWE. AND YOU, you’re just history man!
Guy - SHUT UP, PRICK!
Alberto - After I win the Rumble, I’m gonna win the heavyweight title or the WWE Title, and after that, I’ll be known as the new Mr. WrestleMania! (Sweet Chin Music hits)
Riley - YOU’RE THE MIZ AND YOU’RE…
Miz - NO, CATCHPHRASES ARE FOR CLOSERS!
Cole - WE ARE ABOUT TO BE JOINED BY JOHN CENA! You may recall that 2 weeks ago, he was incapacitated by THE NEW NEXUS.
Punk - COLE, UP HERE! I’M ON TOP OF THE TRON!
Cole - PUNK!
Punk - WE ARE THROUGH TALKING ABOUT CENA, THIS IS THE CM PUNK SHOW NOW! What I wanna talk about is the new Nexus. What tonight has shown is that Harris, McGillicutty, and Otunga are strong enough to be in the new Nexus. They sacrificed themselves, and now I’m prepared to do the same. Mine will be the ultimate sacrifice. Through my sacrifice… IT WILL PROVE THAT NOT WAS I A MEMBER OF NEXUS, BUT I WAS THEIR LEADER!
Josh - DON’T DO IT!
Punk - SHOULD I DIVE OFF THIS TRON!? SHOULD I BREAK EVERY BONE IN MY BODY!? SHOULD I RUPTURE EVERY MUSCLE!? (fans cheer) There’s one more question I have. And the question is exactly how gullible are all of you people!? I’M WEARING A HARNESS. I’M SAFER UP HERE THAN ANY OF YOU SITTING IN YOUR SEATS. WHAT KIND OF AN IDIOT JUMPS OFF THE TRON! (crowd says you) CONGRATS, YOU’RE ALL THE BIGGEST GROUP OF MINDLESS SHEEP I’VE EVER SEEN!
Cole - HE FOOLED ALL THE GULLIBLE PEOPLE HERE IN NASHVILLE!
Punk - AHAHAHAHAHA! If anybody out there watching actually thought I was going to jump off the tron YOU ARE STUPID. As you can see, I’m wearing a harness. Anyone who would do that, is mentally challenged, AND I AM MENTALLY SUPERIOR! I don’t need your approval, or initiations - I AM THE LEADER OF THE NEW NEXUS! (crowd chants Cena) John Cena? HE’S NO LONGER HERE.
Cena - I’M RIGHT HERE. WE JUST SAW THE ACT OF A DELUSIONAL PHONY. Your cronies are gutless, classless, AND pantless. You’re uncool, unprofessional, and low-rent. YOU ARE WASTING EVERYONE’S TIME. Why would you give the new Nexus a physical initiation? I said I would get my hands on them, and I did… Well, there is a new member that I haven’t had a chance to initiate - that’s you, CM SUX!
Punk - I will not STAND IN MY RING ON MY SHOW AND BE INTIMIDATED BY YOU.
Cena - Prove it - next week, CM Sux faces John Cena in a match.
Punk - I ACCEPT!
Cena - Good, I was hoping you would… Ya see, all those things you’ve said…they’re right. If you provoke me, I’m the most animalistic, brutal, violent physical man on the planet. THAT MEANS NEXT WEEK, YOU GET DEALT WITH. AS SURE AS I WEAR PURPLE AND THE SUN RISES IN THE MORNING, YOU GET DEALT WITH! IT AIN’T ABOUT T-SHIRTS OR ARMBANDS, IT’S ABOUT ME WHOOPING YOUR ASS!
Cole - My broadcast partner, Jerry Lawler, HAS TO STEAL THE SPOTLIGHT AGAIN!
Josh - ORTON HAS THE EYES OF A VIPER-LIKE SNAKE!
Cole - WE’RE GONNA CONTINUE UNTIL THIS MATCHES ENDS!