I’ve been trying to figure it out for months, and I think I’ve got it. I don’t hate the Sheamus character because he’s a good guy acting like a bad guy. Being an “asshole” or whatever. A lot of good guys do that, and I like them anyway. I don’t hate the character because he’s racist or offensive, despite how much as I hate that stuff. I hate the Sheamus character because he’s trying to be the voice of a common WWE fan who wants to live vicariously through their favorite superstars, doing what they can’t do and saying what they can’t say, but is missing that completely and acting like a five-year old.
That’s it. He’s a f**king five-year old. He responds to questions and situations like a kindergartner would if he’d pulled a Big and gotten his brain put into the body of an albino gorilla, or whatever. That’s why he says “si senior” when he answers Ricardo’s questions and snickers about it, because a five-year old hasn’t learned what a f**king piece of shit that makes you yet. A five-year old thinks Jeff Dunham is funny. He thinks a jalapeno in a sombrero going “ay yi yi” is hilarious, because Mexican people aren’t like him. A five-year old would hear “do you swear” and think it means “say curse words”. What living grown-up with a functioning f**king brain makes that joke? It’s like writing “yes please” under “sex” on a job application.
Sheamus is the guy who thinks the last name “Lipschitz” is funny because “schitz” sounds like “shits”. And he SAYS IT, on national television, and is cheered as an hilarious hero. David Otunga is being a pushy “ambulance chaser” or whatever, and that’s fine. He’s supposed to be the bad guy, and you’re supposed to want to see him get his comeuppance. But where’s the joy in seeing him get his comeuppance if he ONLY EVER GETS COMEUPPANCE? He tries to take this guy to court, has to listen to his f**king Jew jokes in 2012, listen to his Hispanic client be ridiculed for the language he speaks, then watch the guy he’s suing for assault and negligence (or whatever) destroy a court camera and/or whoever was behind it with a kick.
So the end of the story is that this childish, asshole five-year old bully thinks he can live his life without consequences, breaks a bunch of shit in court to show how tough he is and gets PUT IN PRISON because you CANNOT LIVE YOUR LIFE LIKE THAT and CANNOT RIDICULE JEWS AND BREAK SHIT AT COURT, right? Oh, I’m sorry, the end of the story is “Sheamus beats up Otunga and Rodriguez easily and he’s tough and great”. It’s infuriating on like 30 levels, and if you’re the type who reads this and thinks “you just don’t know how to LAUGH and ENJOY WRESTLING and HAVE FUN”, take your ECW GM Tiffany ass as far away from me as possible.