How does an adult make friends?

If you don't want to hang out with barflies, your only real option for semi-regular dude bonding is to approach guys you work with and get a weekly poker game going. Or gathering to watch football on Sundays, Or an all male bikini carwash.
 
[quote name='VipFREAK']If you want to look like a dick go up to a guy, tell him you like your tie and where you got it, then ask him about where he works, then tell him your a financial annalist or realistate agent looking for people to sucker into with you. Then ask them for their number.[/QUOTE]Correct spelling, it's not just for school kids any more. :whistle2:s
 
[quote name='mykevermin']"Hey, bro, you look like a guy who collects model trains. lemme buy you a shirley temple."[/QUOTE]

Damn it, Myke. You cause me more "spit takes" than you'll ever know.
 
Sounds like your hell bent on there not being a solution to finding friends. you want to meet good people: go volunteer somewhere. You want to meet people that like what you like: go join organizations, classes, sports, whatever and don't be so judgmental. Friends will come easier if you stop being so negative and start being a little more easy going, then people might actually want to hang out with you.
 
Haha, I need to go to the off topic forum more often. These responses have been great.

Making friends is hard though. I'm a pretty isolated guy, but I always have people to hang out with. I'm in college though so obviously it's easier for me. Being lonely when I'm older is my number 1 fear and that's probably going to make me get married a lot sooner than I should. I was with my last girlfriend for 2 years before I was broke up with her. I can't imagine going through college and not having a lot of great friends and probably a serious girlfriend. I don't want to be alone.
 
This thread is both gold and good at the same time. I think adult friends will come easier for people with kids the same age....or at least I hope that's the case.
 
[quote name='dubbfoolio']Sounds like your hell bent on there not being a solution to finding friends. you want to meet good people: go volunteer somewhere. You want to meet people that like what you like: go join organizations, classes, sports, whatever and don't be so judgmental. Friends will come easier if you stop being so negative and start being a little more easy going, then people might actually want to hang out with you.[/QUOTE]

I'm not being negative. I just don't want to go out drinking. One reason for this is that I would have to drive back home and cannot afford a DWI. Another reason is that these people usually show up once and may be difficult to catch after the initial meeting. Third, it is hard to talk over the noise.

A lot of it is personality also. I've noticed the people who usually hang out at bars have a different personality and lifestyle than I do. That's great for them, but the best way to make new friends is to find people with similarities with your personality and lifestyle. It's nothing negative.

I'm not being judgemental. I just didn't know how to go about finding clubs and organizations or whether volunteer work actually pays off if your agenda is to make friends. The reason why people don't want to hang out with me is because they don't know I exist. Now I am more aware of ways to find those organizations and can try them out.
 
The best way to make friends as a dude is to facebook them, noone thinks that's weird. You could even start a group for your interests and ask people with similar interests to join. Just be like "I'll facebook you about that, whats your email". And if you do think it's weird, well f you.

OP, the best way to meet cool ppl is to go to an indie show (or any music sub-culture outside of generic hiphop and bad house music). Meetup is a good place to link up with a group that fits your tastes. Usually the people tend to be more intelligent and less pretentious. I am not a big fan of football, Michael Bay movies, or convos that begin with "so what do you do" and usually I can escape this by finding people that actively choose non-mainstream interests (ideally that line up with my own, but sometimes you need to stretch a little too, so I suggest going out even if you're not sure you'll have a good time).

Just recognize many cool bars are in depressed areas and the bands go loud, so bring some discrete earplugs.

As for playing games, the only way I've seen it work is afterparty Wii.
 
[quote name='StickyWaffles']Haha, I need to go to the off topic forum more often. These responses have been great.

Making friends is hard though. I'm a pretty isolated guy, but I always have people to hang out with. I'm in college though so obviously it's easier for me. Being lonely when I'm older is my number 1 fear and that's probably going to make me get married a lot sooner than I should. I was with my last girlfriend for 2 years before I was broke up with her. I can't imagine going through college and not having a lot of great friends and probably a serious girlfriend. I don't want to be alone.[/QUOTE]

Be very, very careful with marriage. Make sure she's the right girl. Which of these future scenerios do you want to be in:

scenario A: single, never married and free to do whatever you want, whenever you want with no baggage to announce to a woman when you find her, and no emotional pain

scenario B: married and divorced with monthly alimony payments up to 50% of your income and a kid who you would love to visit with more, but can't - not to mention the heart break of possibily marrying the wrong girl who is going to cheat on you - I'm sure there are other complications I am not even aware of because I've never been married

Make your decision carefully, and do it for yourself. People get married for the purpose of happiness. If you think you won't be happy, don't do it.
 
So you're that creepy guy who's always by himself at the bar or club, dressed in black and unapproachable....is that you!?

Here's an idea.....when you go out, try to smile more. It works wonders.
 
I met most of my adult friends through work but I see some possible places recommended by others. I'll have to check out meetup.com and maybe look for a gym to join. I've never been interested in sports or bars so those probably won't work.
 
[quote name='VipFREAK']If you want to look like a dick go up to a guy, tell him you like your tie and where you got it, then ask him about where he works, then tell him your a financial annalist or realistate agent looking for people to sucker into with you. Then ask them for their number.[/QUOTE]Go up to a guy and tell him you like *your* tie and tell him where you got it?

Me (even though I'm not a guy, I still think this is a funny scenario to try): *walks up to random man* Hi!
Random Man: Hello.
Me: I like my tie!
Random Man: (this could be any number of a different reactions)
Me: Let me tell you where I got this tie. Oh, I'm a financial annalist, by the way.

:lol:

[quote name='HeadRusch'] Here's an idea.....when you go out, try to smile more. It works wonders.[/QUOTE]Only problem being the smiling approachable person is that one always gets the wierdos. Unless that's just me.
 
[quote name='guinaevere']Go up to a guy and tell him you like *your* tie and tell him where you got it?

Me (even though I'm not a guy, I still think this is a funny scenario to try): *walks up to random man* Hi!
Random Man: Hello.
Me: I like my tie!
Random Man: (this could be any number of a different reactions)
Me: Let me tell you where I got this tie. Oh, I'm a financial annalist, by the way.

:lol:[/QUOTE]

And he'd say (still assuming you're a guy) "Anal is in your job title. Lets hang out", and he'd out-creepy you.
 
[quote name='BattleChicken']And he'd say (still assuming you're a guy) "Anal is in your job title. Lets hang out", and he'd out-creepy you.[/QUOTE]
:rofl:


I was still thinking this would be fun to try.



I'm chatting with Marten right now, as I'm depressed over having no one to take me to see the zombie movie. So I'm considering going out, getting hammered and then see the movie. Because if I were drunk, I wouldn't feel how odd it is to go see a movie by myself. The only reason I mention this is because the only adult friend I have has no interest in my kind of movies. Or entertainment. Or fun...
 
analrapist.jpg
 
[quote name='steve_k']Be very, very careful with marriage. Make sure she's the right girl. Which of these future scenerios do you want to be in:

scenario A: single, never married and free to do whatever you want, whenever you want with no baggage to announce to a woman when you find her, and no emotional pain

scenario B: married and divorced with monthly alimony payments up to 50% of your income and a kid who you would love to visit with more, but can't - not to mention the heart break of possibily marrying the wrong girl who is going to cheat on you - I'm sure there are other complications I am not even aware of because I've never been married

Make your decision carefully, and do it for yourself. People get married for the purpose of happiness. If you think you won't be happy, don't do it.[/QUOTE]


False Dichotomy. I read much of this thread, and it seems like you're just afraid of getting hurt. There are no guarantees in any relationship, married or otherwise.. the act of just BEING in a relationship - especially a bad one - leaves you with emotional scars that are important to make you more aware of what you need (as opposed to want) in your friends OR lovers. It hurts, but it serves a purpose.

Playing it safe all the time results in shallow friendships -- people need to put themselves out there and be willing to take a risk, and get hurt in order to have a connection to another person that's worth having.

Marriage is ultimately a contract.. it has historically been a business arrangement.. the idea of marriage for love is a very new idea. Like any business arrangement, understanding the fine print in a marriage is important.. don't jump into any contract without thinking it through.

Connections with other people, though, are often thought about much, much too hard -- stop fearing rejection, and you'll start making friends.
 
[quote name='BattleChicken']False Dichotomy. I read much of this thread, and it seems like you're just afraid of getting hurt. There are no guarantees in any relationship, married or otherwise.. the act of just BEING in a relationship - especially a bad one - leaves you with emotional scars that are important to make you more aware of what you need (as opposed to want) in your friends OR lovers. It hurts, but it serves a purpose.

Playing it safe all the time results in shallow friendships -- people need to put themselves out there and be willing to take a risk, and get hurt in order to have a connection to another person that's worth having.

Marriage is ultimately a contract.. it has historically been a business arrangement.. the idea of marriage for love is a very new idea. Like any business arrangement, understanding the fine print in a marriage is important.. don't jump into any contract without thinking it through.

Connections with other people, though, are often thought about much, much too hard -- stop fearing rejection, and you'll start making friends.[/QUOTE]

The guy said he might rush into marriage before he was ready out of fear of being alone. Rushing into a marriage before you're sure is not a good idea. If you know she is the right girl, go for it. However, if you are marrying a girl you are not sure about just because you're in a rush to get married, you could be making a mistake.

I'm not saying to puss out and avoid marriage all together. I'm just saying to be careful about and not to risk marrying the wrong girl just because you're in a hurry. There's a big difference.
 
Buy a pool table. Put an ad in the paper. "WANTED: Guy looking for dudes for a pool party. Reply if interested."
 
[quote name='steve_k']I'm not being negative. I just don't want to go out drinking. One reason for this is that I would have to drive back home and cannot afford a DWI. Another reason is that these people usually show up once and may be difficult to catch after the initial meeting. Third, it is hard to talk over the noise.

A lot of it is personality also. I've noticed the people who usually hang out at bars have a different personality and lifestyle than I do. That's great for them, but the best way to make new friends is to find people with similarities with your personality and lifestyle. It's nothing negative.

I'm not being judgemental. I just didn't know how to go about finding clubs and organizations or whether volunteer work actually pays off if your agenda is to make friends. The reason why people don't want to hang out with me is because they don't know I exist. Now I am more aware of ways to find those organizations and can try them out.[/QUOTE]

It's presumptuous of you to think that:

- you will be intoxicated enough to get a DWI. It's fine to nurse a single beer and then follow it up w/ water to dilute the effect. You'd be surprised how much people don't give a shit. They're busy socializing.

- everyone you socialize with you must interact with later. You only need to find one friend at any social event. Just one. Why? Because there will be more later - both social events and friends. In addition, the individual friend you meet will most likely (surprise) have friends of their own that they will introduce you to. Friends will eventually accumulate exponentially.

- bars are THAT loud that you need to yell into the ear of the person sitting next to you. There ARE bars out there that keep the noise level down so that you can have a reasonably audible conversation at your table. You're not searching hard enough.

- just because people hang out at a bar, they're incapable of having interests similar to you. I'm an unapologetic clubber and bar-hopper yet I still play video games and watch anime. I meet so many people (yes, both genders) who are of similar mind so it's strange to me that you're incapable of the same.

You really are being judgmental. You just need to go out into places where people socialize, be it club, bar, shows, church events, satanic rituals, conventions, etc. Having the mindset that you're not gonna meet someone of similar interests at a particular place is a self-fulfilling prophecy - you won't meet someone simply because you believe so. I'm not talking down to you but try having a more flexible mindset and you can meet anyone anywhere.
 
[quote name='crunchb3rry']Buy a pool table. Put an ad in the paper. "WANTED: Guy looking for dudes for a pool party. Reply if interested."[/QUOTE]If I read about a pool party, I would think this:
pool_cake.jpg


Not this:
cake537.jpg
 
[quote name='guinaevere']
I'm chatting with Marten right now, as I'm depressed over having no one to take me to see the zombie movie. So I'm considering going out, getting hammered and then see the movie. Because if I were drunk, I wouldn't feel how odd it is to go see a movie by myself. The only reason I mention this is because the only adult friend I have has no interest in my kind of movies. Or entertainment. Or fun...[/QUOTE]

Nothing odd about going to a movie by yourself.

I usually go with friends and/or my girlfriend, but I've also went a lot by myself. Especially if you catch a matinee, there are generally several people in there by themselves. You're going to see a movie not chat anyway.
 
[quote name='dmaul1114']Nothing odd about going to a movie by yourself.

I usually go with friends and/or my girlfriend, but I've also went a lot by myself. Especially if you catch a matinee, there are generally several people in there by themselves. You're going to see a movie not chat anyway.[/QUOTE]Yeah, I don't see anything wrong with going to the movies alone. I may do that soon because there's some movies I want to see, but don't have anyone to go with yet.
 
[quote name='guinaevere']If I read about a pool party, I would think this:
pool_cake.jpg


Not this:
cake537.jpg
[/QUOTE]

That's what I was going for...except where do you get cake from, lol?
 
[quote name='The Mana Knight']Yeah, I don't see anything wrong with going to the movies alone. I may do that soon because there's some movies I want to see, but don't have anyone to go with yet.[/QUOTE]

Yep, and I go odd times sometimes--like weekday morning etc.

Perk of the flexible schedule of an academic job, so I'm sometimes going at times my friends are working.

I work a butt-load of hours (still at the office) but I can take morning off and work late etc. as it's totally flexible outside of teaching and meetings.
 
As a social experiment (and to see if anyone was a loser like me), I posted an ad on my local Craigslist PLATONIC ONLY section. I stated that I was married, unavaible, and into games and horror flicks. Here is a solid gold response (word for word!):

"hey this is mike. i like some games too. im also into womens feet, so we should hang out:)"

WHAT?!?!?!

How is a gal supposed to get some dudely friends that are NOT creepers??!?!
 
OP, just try this fool proof plan:

[Walks up to a fun looking man]
You: Hey, whats up?
Him: Not much, you?
You: Same, just chillen. Hey, you suck cock man?
Him: ...... No
You: Cool. Me either. So whats up? Where ya from?

And you then continue to become friends without being gay.

However, if the man answers "Yes", get a BJ. You have nothing to lose but semen.
 
[quote name='mykevermin']Hey buddy, we're not exactly bangin' down your door to get you to hang out either.

Have fun with your coins.[/QUOTE]

And the "mykevermin being a dick for no reason" streak continues.
 
[quote name='Goonie85']As a social experiment (and to see if anyone was a loser like me), I posted an ad on my local Craigslist PLATONIC ONLY section. I stated that I was married, unavaible, and into games and horror flicks. Here is a solid gold response (word for word!):

"hey this is mike. i like some games too. im also into womens feet, so we should hang out:)"

WHAT?!?!?!

How is a gal supposed to get some dudely friends that are NOT creepers??!?![/QUOTE]

That's just.... wow... I mean wow... If we're ever in your neck of the woods you can hang with my wife.. she digs horror movies and games. :) That's why she's a keeper.
 
[quote name='steve_k']The guy said he might rush into marriage before he was ready out of fear of being alone. Rushing into a marriage before you're sure is not a good idea. If you know she is the right girl, go for it. However, if you are marrying a girl you are not sure about just because you're in a rush to get married, you could be making a mistake.

I'm not saying to puss out and avoid marriage all together. I'm just saying to be careful about and not to risk marrying the wrong girl just because you're in a hurry. There's a big difference.[/QUOTE]

Rushing because you're lonely surely is a bad idea. I skimmed his more than I should have, it seems. Just the same, you can never be sure enough to shield yourself from being hurt.

Marrying because you fear being alone is a bad, bad thing.. no better way to be sure you'll be unhappy in the long term than that.
 
OP, straight up, you need to stop being so presumptuous about everything, or seriously, you will never have any friends.

[quote name='JolietJake']Adultfriendfinder?[/QUOTE]
This is at least the third time someone has made this joke. It keeps getting deleted, so I think we're really not supposed to mention that site.

If I say the word "craiglist casual encounters," will that get modded, too?

[quote name='Squall835']And the "mykevermin being a dick for no reason" streak continues.[/QUOTE]
He has a reason, actually. The simple formula is superiority complex + ego × anonymity = dick.
 
I agree with what jaykrue said. Nurse a beer and follow it up with a water. You can even tip the bartender a extra couple bucks to make it look like a real drink if you're afraid to look like a girl (or whatever you're really afraid of). Neighborhood bars (and not the noisy loud downtown or theme bars) are really a good place to meet people our age and I had a blast when I was a bar goer. Grab a drink and have a chat. Just realize that sometime you gotta say something to start the action. You can't always expect other people to want to chat. At the very least, chat up the bartender. They usually have friends or acquaintences coming in and out that you can also chat to.

I just checked out meetup.com because I saw it on the the first or second page of this thread and I found a meet up in Greenwood, IN. I literally live ten minutes from something that's on the site! I'm not really into card game but I might check out the place to hang out with people that probably like video games.

EDIT -- Just found a home brewers club! Thanks to the CAG that posted about meetup.com.
 
[quote name='Goonie85']As a social experiment (and to see if anyone was a loser like me), I posted an ad on my local Craigslist PLATONIC ONLY section. I stated that I was married, unavaible, and into games and horror flicks. Here is a solid gold response (word for word!):

"hey this is mike. i like some games too. im also into womens feet, so we should hang out:)"

WHAT?!?!?!

How is a gal supposed to get some dudely friends that are NOT creepers??!?![/QUOTE]

LOL just like roadtrip.
 
[quote name='camoor']LOL just like roadtrip.[/QUOTE]


It's only funny when it's someone else, though. I felt so dirty. Like I should put 2 pairs of socks on, so this guy couldn't get to my feet, wherever he was....

Seriously, who sends a message like that? was he expecting "oh yeah, great, I have feet, so let's go play Skeeball." ?!?!?!
 
[quote name='dmaul1114']Nothing odd about going to a movie by yourself.[/QUOTE]
It's fine for guys. It isn't for girls. Or at least, for me.

[quote name='crunchb3rry']except where do you get cake from, lol?[/QUOTE]Something different, that's all.
 
I see girls/women in the theater by themselves. Just have to get it out of your head that going to the movies has to be a date or social outing. Vs. just a movie lover going to see a film.
 
But you haven't seeng girls/women that are as good looking as I am. It's different. It's hard being me.
















yes. that was a joke.
 
[quote name='depascal22']I agree with what jaykrue said. Nurse a beer and follow it up with a water. You can even tip the bartender a extra couple bucks to make it look like a real drink if you're afraid to look like a girl (or whatever you're really afraid of).[/QUOTE]

Just order a coke. No one can tell the difference between a regular coke and a jack + coke. Or a Sprite from a gin and tonic. It's no big deal, plenty of people in the car just drink coke (notably, the drivers)

Neighborhood bars (and not the noisy loud downtown or theme bars) are really a good place to meet people our age and I had a blast when I was a bar goer. Grab a drink and have a chat. Just realize that sometime you gotta say something to start the action. You can't always expect other people to want to chat. At the very least, chat up the bartender. They usually have friends or acquaintences coming in and out that you can also chat to.
Click to expand...

Really good advice. Notably, the bartender thing. Bartenders are going to at least acknowledge what you are saying, and possibly going with a small conversation depending on how busy they are. Whether they are really interested or not, it's good for your self esteem and getting you into the mood to talk to others.

Women in particular, they will notice you a mile away if you go in and are doing nothing. You will be noted for being the creep. Talking enables you to fit in, and FFS learn to fake a smile it works wonders.
 
[quote name='BigPopov']Just order a coke. No one can tell the difference between a regular coke and a jack + coke. Or a Sprite from a gin and tonic. It's no big deal, plenty of people in the car just drink coke (notably, the drivers)[/QUOTE]Going off topic, but this is the off-topic forum. Do you care if other people are drinking alcohol or not?
 
[quote name='crystalklear64']go to an arcade[/QUOTE]
I'd love to do that, but all of them in my area have gone out of business. I finally get a good job and have money to do things, and the thing I always wanted to do, frequent an arcade, isn't something I can do anymore solely because of the economy and the way arcades have been going for the past couple decades.
 
And the bowling alley near me closed, too. There are others around, but they're a pain in the ass to get to.

fuck my life.

I've seriously thought about buying a small plot of land, building a glorified shed, and rigging up a bunch of MAME cabinets just to run my own arcade, but I hate business stuff. I dropped out of business school because it depressed me so much, and the recent CEO insanity has really destroyed whatever was left of my wanting to run my own arcade. I hate greedy rich bastards.
 
This thread is pissing me off, but in a semi-positive way. Man, I could have been playing MVC2 in this one arcade near me every Saturday night, meeting some cool dudes, forming rivalries and friendships, and that was taken away from me right when I was able to do so.

*grumble grumble*

And I hate online gaming. Haven't liked it since Daytona USA on the Dreamcast, and even that wasn't as good as Chu Chu Rocket, so it's not like I can enjoy MVC2 on PSN or XBLA.

This decade is perhaps the worst decade in the history of everything.
 
[quote name='Chuplayer']This thread is pissing me off, but in a semi-positive way. Man, I could have been playing MVC2 in this one arcade near me every Saturday night, meeting some cool dudes, forming rivalries and friendships, and that was taken away from me right when I was able to do so.

*grumble grumble*

And I hate online gaming. Haven't liked it since Daytona USA on the Dreamcast, and even that wasn't as good as Chu Chu Rocket, so it's not like I can enjoy MVC2 on PSN or XBLA.

This decade is perhaps the worst decade in the history of everything.[/QUOTE]

Emo much? LOL.
 
[quote name='Chuplayer']This thread is pissing me off, but in a semi-positive way. Man, I could have been playing MVC2 in this one arcade near me every Saturday night, meeting some cool dudes, forming rivalries and friendships, and that was taken away from me right when I was able to do so.

*grumble grumble*

And I hate online gaming. Haven't liked it since Daytona USA on the Dreamcast, and even that wasn't as good as Chu Chu Rocket, so it's not like I can enjoy MVC2 on PSN or XBLA.

This decade is perhaps the worst decade in the history of everything.[/QUOTE]

You're onto something here. Plenty of things suck now:

- the economy collapsed, which means finding a job is like winning the lottery
- no more arcades
- cost of college continues to skyrocket while benefits of having a degree continue to dwindle
- gold is so outrageously expensive ($1,038 per ounce) that owning any is more difficult than ever
- everyone is afraid of losing their jobs because of all the layoffs and growing unemployment rate
- FM radio now sucks (no more rock or heavy metal stations like back in the 1990's)
- Gamestop has gotten rid of nearly all the best video game stores
- the Internet dominates everyone's life, making some simple tasks now overly-complicated or dangerous
- everyone is afraid everyone else is some kind of rapist, con-artist, or child molester (maybe that's just because I'm in Houston)
- hardly any new 2D video games


Getting back to the orignal subject, it looks like Meetup is probably the best way for an adult with no kids to attempt to meet other people. I went to the site and found about 3 organizations I might be interested in here in the tiny town of Houston, Texas. I made my first attempt to contact the P90X (exercise) group earlier today. Now I'll just wait a couple of days and see if I hear back from them.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
bread's done
Back
Top