J.R. - Thanks for the memories, for the man known as the Rembrandt of the wrestling canvas.
Lawler - You say that like he’s going somewhere - he said it himself - he is never, EVER going to retire!
Flair - Last week, Shawn Michaels looked me in the eyes and said he did not want to face me at WrestleMania. He said that he did not want to be the one to end my career. He had the audacity to say that the showstopper would stop my show. With all due respect, I need him to come out right now, cuz I’ve got something to tell him face-to-face! (HBK’s theme hits) You know, that is the best entrance in professional wrestling today. I love that music! But I got something I gotta tell you - when I started in this business, the word sympathy did not exist. In my vocabulary, the word pity doesn’t exist now. Last week, I felt a little sympathy. Here’s how you used to like to watch me - WOO, I’M THE NATURE BOY RIC FLAIR, AND IF I CAN’T COMPETE WITH THE BEST, like you, then I don’t want my career to continue. I don’t want to have someone save me, I want to stand on my own two feet, I want respect because I’ve earned it - not pity, not sympathy. If I win at WrestleMania, it’s because I’M THE MAN! If you beat me at WrestleMania, you have BEATEN THE MAN, and I’m not delusional, I’m not dreaming, I know that my career could come to an end, but if I have a good day, I could catch one on ya, and my career could go on forever. I’m asking you, in front of the world, to give me the showstopper Shawn Michaels at his very best, I want 100% commitment from you right now!
HBK - I never meant to show pity when I told you that I loved you, I meant it. There’s no pity in love. Let me put it to you like this, Naitch, I am Mr. WrestleMania, at that event, I revolutionized the ladder match, I wrestled for over an hour, and I’ve been in the greatest WrestleMania moments in history. You said “to be the man, you’ve gotta be the man”, well at WrestleMania, I AM THE MAN! I don’t have control over it - when that day rolls around, something happens. I can’t control it, it just happens! So guess what Naitch, whether your show gets stopped or whether your show goes on, there’s one thing I can tell you will without a shread of uncertainty is that the show is gonna get stolen! Let’s do it! Before I leave, it’s come to my attention that on SmackDown, you’re involved in a 3-on-1 handicap match with Edge and his two Edge guys. My Fridays are usually reserved for Dora’s the Explorer and Higglystown Heroes, but for you, I can make sure that it’s 3 on…both of us! (Orton’s theme hits)
Orton - What a touching moment! I wish I could just leave it with that, but I can’t. It’s not just WrestleMania Rewind, it’s also part 2 of the triple threat takeover. This week, it is my turn. So two things - first, HHH will face, in a WrestleMania rematch, one of his good old friends, KANE! Second, well Shawn, that’s why I’m out here. You’ve done many things at WrestleMania, but last year, you didn’t do something - you didn’t win. I’m gonna give you your chance to redeem yourself, Ric, Shawn can be beat, just ask his opponent - JOHN CENA!
Lawler - I think I’d rather have my head slammed into a casket than be thrown inside one!
J.R. - Mark Henry might’ve suffered some internal injuries due to that triangular choke from the Undertaker!
HHH - I live to be WWE Champion. Last year, it was supposed to be the REMATCH OF THE CENURY - HHH vs. Cena, but that couldn’t happen due to an injury. When I came back, he was gone, and I became an 11-time WWE Champion, then Randy Orton beat me and I never got a rematch! I will fight for the WWE Championship at WrestleMania as if my life depends on it, because in a way, IT DOES! GAME ON!
JBL - Hold on, don’t start that match. I’ve got something more important - JBL is about to speak! Finlay, you accepted my challenge for a match at WrestleMania. You want a Belfast brawl? Terrific. That means that I can beat you at your own game, and put you in a hospital next to that pathetic little mutant son of yours.
(as Hardy comes out)J.R. - This won’t be a WrestleMania rewind night.. Rewind match, I’ll get it right.
Lawler - Everyone wants to be Intercontinental Champion.
J.R. - Well, it is one of the most prestigious titles in history.
Lawler - Jeff Hardy is a hard man…to beat!
J.R. - Tonight, it’s a rematch of one of the most physical matches in WrestleMania history - HHH vs. Kane!
Lawler - Nikolai Volkoff and the Iron Sheik are headed to the ring!
J.R. - Good lord…
Lawler - This rematchh is 24 years in the making! These guys really hold a grudge
J.R. - It’s a deep-seated grudge.
Lawler - You remember the U.S. Express?
J.R. - I certainly do.
Lawler - I bet a lot of your memories in black and white.
Jillian - I wasn’t even born when you guys fought at WrestleMania 1, but I’ve done my history, and I know that you came out to “Born in the U.S.A.”. Well, unfortunately, you guys can’t even afford the rights to the song now because you’re has-beens, but that’s why I’m here - I’M GONNA SING IT FOR YOU! BORN IN THE U.S.A! (Rotunda airplane spins her out of the ring)
J.R. - Well, I think we can agree that this feud between the U.S. Express and the Iron Sheik and Volkoff can continue at a later date. I nominate it for 24 more years.
J.R. - Triple H’s win over Kane was one of the biggest in his career!
Orton - Kane, I picked you because HHH has handed you some of the biggest defeats in your career. He made you unmask on TV…(Kane throttles Orton)
Kane - When it comes to HHH, I don’t need a history lesson, I REMEMBER EVERYTHING!
J.R. - Kane has mighty big feet!
Cena - I’ve often been asked the question “what does WrestleMania mean to me?” - it means everything. I wasn’t supposed to be back for this one - I was sidelined with an injury that should have taken me out for a year, and in January, I risked it all for one shot. I’ve seen experts say that I should hate Randy Orton for tearing my pec, but I should thank him, because I’d become complacent. The injury made me hungry again! I respect Randy Orton and HHH for their contributions in this business. At WrestleMania, my time will come again!
Santino - DESE ARE WOMEN!
(after counting cash)Mayweather - I can’t tell you who the current President is, but I can tell you who Ben Franklin is!
Shane - Allow me to introduce the only man to win the ECW, World Heayweight, and WWE Championships - the largest athlete in the world, the Big Show! And the Big Show’s opponent at Wrestle Mania (fans boo), he is the current WBC featherweight champion (fans boo more), Floyd “Money” May weather (fans boo even more).
J.R. - Floyd “Money” Mayweather IS boxing. He’s carrying boxing on his back! (Mayweather comes out with dollar-sign jeans and a “Philthy Rich” necklace”
Show - Floyd has brought along his posse, well now I’d like to bring out my posse!
Lawler - Show has a posse? Did you know about this?
J.R. - I did not. (WWE roster comes out, Mayweather goes insane)
Show - You see, I told you last week that NO ONE IN THE LOCKER ROOM LIKES YOU! And when they found out that we had a weigh-in, they wanted to see the 20 million dollar man! Now you’re in the shark tank, now. 20 million dollars is a lot of money. Maybe you can throw it out into the crowd so they don’t hate you so much. Maybe you should take it and give it to this pack of dogs so they can pretend to be your friends. Is the risk really worth it? There’s only gonna be TWO scenarios. The first, if I decide to take pity on you, I’ll just embarrass you and you’ll live to fight another day. Scenario two - if you continue to disrespect me, then I’m gonna guarantee that you never box again! (fans cheer wildly) So it is entirely up to you. So what do you have to say, little runt?!
(fans chant “you suck!)Mayweather (counts money) - Yeah. You right. I am the 20 million dollar man. (he throws money in Show’s face) It’s Money Mayweather. I respect, I respect, what you have done in the WWE. (Fans chant what), but I don’t respect you as a human being. And it’s possible, like I said, it’s possible, you may hurt me, but you gotta catch me first (he throws more money at Show, and the roster) WrestleMania 24 - the biggest and the best ever - I WILL BREAK YOUR JAW! (Show picks up Mayweather and tosses him onto roster)
Mayweather - THAT’S BULLSHIT! BULLSHIT! (Mayweather’s posse and roster get into a shoving match, Shane gets knocked down, fans go insane)
Orton - You wanna know why I’m the perfect champion? Because you could take the strength of John Cena, the intelligence of HHH, the desire of Cena, the athleticism of HHH, the determination of Cena, the ruthlessness of HHH, and if you combine those attributes into one person, you get Randy Orton. The only difference is that I have one thing that neither Cena nor HHH has - the WWE Championship.
J.R. - The WWE Champ is humble as well.
J.R. - Ryder with the cap, Hawkins…the other gentleman.
J.R. - Edge can hit the spear at anytime on anyone and win - that’s the bottom line!
JR.R - Regal is not folically impaired.
Regal - At WrestleMania, it will be SmackDown versus Raw in a battle for brand supremacy. I must apologize because battle isn’t the right word for it, as that implies that it will be a back and forth contest. How can it be when the man representing Raw is THIS MAN!? (Umaga video package airs) Ladies and gentlemen, representing Raw at WrestleMania - YOUMANGA!
Lawler - You say Youmanga, I say Umaga. Either way, he’s a Samoan Bulldozer.
J.R. - Umaga’s an SUV on three feet!
Regal - I really pity SmackDown’s Batista. I mean Batista needs to know that NO ONE CAN STOP THIS MAN! Youmanga leaves a path of devastation wherever he travels, and at WrestleMania, Batista is going to find…(Batista comes out)
J.R. - Mr. McMahon will be honored with his own star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame on Friday.
J.R. - We have the unfortunate duty to inform you that Floyd Mayweather’s elbow was injured during the weigh in with the Big Show.
J.R. - Wherever Cena goes, he gets a passionate reaction, to say the least!
J.R. - This WrestleMania 23 rematch is probably the biggest one that I can think of that would be feasible.
J.R. - Let’s not forget that HBK beat Cena in a near-60 minute match last year in London.
Lawler - Iron man match, wasn’t it?
J..R. - It was a remarkable match!
HHH - You’ve gotta admit, it’s been a very entertaining couple of weeks, with Orton in charge last week, and Cena in charge this week. Next week, it’ll be Cena and Orton - you might be saying ‘OH NO, CENA AND ORTON ONE ON ONE!” - they’ll be tag partners, fighting for the common good. They’ll be facing THE ENTIRE RAW ROSTER!