Ad guy - At Lockdown, FANS WITNESSED HISTORY! (followed by)
DW- ROXXI LEVAUX IS THE QUEEN OF THE CAGE!
Tenay - TONIGHT ON IMPACT, THREE CHAMPIONSHIP MATCHES!
Joe - TNA FANS, WE ARE THE CHAMPIONS! Kurt, when you wrapped that vise-like grip around my ankle, I’ll admit, I started to lose - I began losing my will, but there’s one big difference. I looked up into the eyes of TNA fans. KURT, WHEN I LOOKED UP, I KNEW ONE THING, THAT THERE WAS NO SURRENDER, THERE WAS NO QUIT, AND IW OULD BE THE NEW TNA WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION! You see Kurt, that’s why I’m here tonight, because this, my first TNA championship run, is dedicated to you, the TNA fans! To all you fans at home, this belt will be defended with respect, with honor, and with the blood on my fists!
Tenay - THAT’S COMING FROM THE HEART OF JOE!
Joe - Here we stand in the Impact Zone, where it all began. It’s real, it’s damn real.(Steiner’s theme hits)
Tenay - WHAT’S THIS!?
Steiner - I have to break up this love fest with all your redneck fans, but I’m here to talk about Sacrifice. What Sacrifice really means. Little Petey Pump, when you were going through all my initiations, you sacrificed your honor and your dignity just to get my respect, so in return, I’m gonna give you the X division title shot. You can use it at any time. As far as my world title shot at Sacrifice, when I look at you, and I look at me, I see that Sacrifice has a totally different meaning. I’ve sacrificed my whole life to become a star athlete at Michigan and that’s why I’m a genetic freak! I look at you and your fat ass, and the only thing you’ve sacrificed is that when it’s time to eat 4 twinkies, you ate 5. When it was time to eat a burger, you ate one with cheese and mayo. You are the first person I can say this about - bigger isn’t better. You need to curb your eating habits before you have to borrow a bra and girdle from the knockouts. YOU ARE GENETIC JUNK! I’ve been a champion in WCW, the WWF, Japan, the only place I haven’t been a world champion is right here in TNA, and that all changes at Sacrifice. At Sacrifice, you’re gonna be my sacrificial lamb.
Angle - Joe, first of all, no excuses - man to man, you beat me at Lockdown. Now being the champion that I am, I always learn from my mistakes. Whenever I have a match, even if it’s a classic like we had a Lockdown, when that match is over, win or lose, I always learn from it. I never make the same mistake twice. Now as far as you Mr. Steiner, you have a title shot at Sacrifice, and quite frankly, you have earned it, even though your last big win was in 1975 with your idiot brother against the Road Warrior. No offense. You have a title shot at Sacrifice, but that doesn’t mean you’re gonna wrestle Joe.
Tenay - WHAT?!
Angle - Joe, I guess you didn’t read my contract - there’s a title rematch clause! Which means I can have my rematch for the title anytime I choose. So with that, I have decided to have my match right here on Impact next week!
DW - WHOAH!
Angle - It’s gonna be Angle vs. Joe for the TNA World heavyweight championship, live, FREE ON SPIKE TV! THAT’S REAL, THAT’S DAMN REAL!
DW - KURT ANGLE HAS JUST INVOKED A REMATCH CLAUSE!
Tenay - CAN YOU IMAGINE!? ANGLE-JOE - TNA WORLD TITLE NEXT WEEK! ON THAT NOTE, LET’S GO TO THE BACK WITH LAUREN AND RHINO AND CHRISTIAN CAGE!
Cage - They say that anything can happen, and me and Rhino are proof that it’s true. We grew up in this business, had a blow-up, but going forward, going singles or tag team - who know what the future holds?
Rhino - We’ve been through hell together…
Ray - Hell? Who let this skank in here?
Devon - Christian, whether you screw Rhino tonight, or in a month, he will screw you.
Ray - Rhino, what happened to the animal in ECW? You’re nothing but a big puss. You wanna fight me, Rhino? I wanna fight you! But not now! Guys!
Tenay - Oh, they’re BEATING THE HELL, BEATING THE HELL OUT OF RHINO AND CHRISTIAN!
(to J.B., about Devine)Black Machismo - As far as Repo Man goes, he tried to take my belt before!
DW - WHAT WAS SONJAY DUTT DOING IN THE BATHROOM WITH SO CAL VAL!?
Sadler - I don’t know, but without Sonjay and Val, I think Devine could become X division champion.
DW - Devine is crucifying the Black Machismo!
(as Devine dominates)Sadler - It looks like Johnny Devine merchandise is gonna be hot in a couple days!
Sadler - The X division isn’t about no limits…
DW - LITTLE PETEY PUMP JUST HIT LETHAL WITH THE CASE!
Tenay - WHAT THE HELL’S GOING ON AROUND HERE!? (show goes to commercial)
Tenay - During the break, Petey hit a tornado DDDT on the case, then closed it on his head and stomped it!
Petey - THE MATCH STARTS RIGHT NOW!
Sadler - What a smart move by Petey - he’s got a one in a lifetime opportunity to win the title! SCOTT STEINER HAS DONE WONDERS FOR PETEY WILLIAMS!
Tenay - THIS IS SICK! WE’VE GOT A NEW CHAMP! TO THE BACK WITH LAX!
Morgan - Now it’s pretty much a foregone conclusion about what my relationship with Jim Cornette was. He was like a father to me, and he taught me that timing is EVERYTHING! Matt Morgan is gonna make his time NOW! To hear guys complain about their pay, or their spot on the card for Sacrifice, that’s a joke! To get my foot in the door in TNA, I had to be a bodyguard for TNA management - that’s not just a sin, that’s a sacrifice. To have to wear a suit at seven feet tall, THAT’S A SACRIFICE. My name is gonna be remembered for years, not as a prototype, but as the BLUE PRINT FOR BIG MEN! I’m gonna prove why I’m the most athletically stacked, genetically-jacked big man in wrestling today!
Ad guy - TNA Impact is brought to you by Harold and Kumar go to Guantanamo Bay.
Lauren - Joe, as expected, you’ve got a big red target on your head - if you can get through Kurt Angle next week, you face Scott Steiner at Sacrifice.
Joe - Lauren, it comes with the territory. Boys, you have to ask yourselfs that after everything I’ve sacrificed that you can take this belt from me? The belt have wanted me to have this belt more than you wanted anything, Kurt. This belt is the standard of this business. Fans pay to see this belt defended with their skill, not their politics. Kurt, you wanna know who the undisputed champion of the world is, and I will make it apparent that I AM THAT MAN!
(show then deals with glitches, as a black screen and an ad for a movie are quickly shown during a TNA video package)
DW - At Lockdown, Super Eric dove off the top of the cage, and allowed he and Kaz to become the champions!
DW - Team Tomko vs. Team Cage was one of the greatest matches I’ve ever seen in Lethal Lockdown!
Tenay - WHERE DID ERIC GO!? YOU DON’T THINK IT’S TIME FOR ANOTHER APPEARANCE OF YOU KNOW WHO!?
DW - I DON’T KNOW!
Tenay - Eric Young headed TO THE BACK!
(after a plancha)DW - HERNANDEZ IS SUPER-MEXICAN! IT’S AMAZING!
Tenay - IT’S TNA’S SUPERHERO! SUPER ERIC!
Tenay - NEW CHAMPS! NEW CHAMPS!
Tenay - WE’RE BACK ON IMPACT, AND THERE’S CONTROVERSY STEMMING FROM THE TAG TITLE MATCH!
AJ - WHAT HAPPENED OUT THERE!? OUTSIDE INTERFERENCE!
Cornette - GET YOUR BUTT OFF MY DESK, HOW CAN SUPER ERIC INTERFERE IN A MATCH HE WAS ALREADY IN!?
AJ - Super Eric had no idea who Eric Young was - IT’S INTERFERENCE! ASK HIM IF HE’S TWO DIFFERENT PEOPLE! HE’S TWO DIFFERENT PEOPLE!
Cornette - So you want me to ask a guy if he’s two different people? OKAY! FINE! LEAVE ME ALONE!
Tenay - Boy, TNA management’s Jim Cornette seems flustered!
DW - But ya gotta wonder if AJ has a point!
(on 3D-Cage/Rhino)Tenay - STAR POWER GALORE - BIG NAMES HERE ON IMPACT! This is the first of what Jim Cornette has labeled as LOCKDOWN REVENGE MATCHES!
Tenay - CAN YOU BELIEVE IT!? JOE-ANGLE ON FREE TV!
DW - THINK ABOUT IT - YOU’VE HAD TO PAY FOR ALL OF THEIR MATCHES BEFORE! THIS WEEK, NEXT WEEK I MEAN, YOU CAN WATCH THOSE TWO BATTLE IT OUT FOR THE WORLD CHAMPIONSHIP ON SPIKE!
Tenay - JUDGING BY THE BODY LANGUAGE AND FACIAL EXPRESSIONS OF BROTHER RAY, HE’S NOT HAPPY WITH DEVON!
Tenay - YOU DON’T PUT YOUR FACE RIGHT IN MY FINGER! YOU DON’T PUT YOUR FINGER RIGHT IN MY FACE IS WHAT DEVON JUST SAID TO RAY!
Cornette - Eric, listen to me - AJ Styles is ranting saying that it was outside interference, as ridiculous as it sounds, and that you and Kaz should be stirppled of the world tag titles.
EY - That’s your call.
Cornette - You interfered, but you didn’t interfere because it’s a match you were in… the lights are on, but no one’s home. JB, are gonna follow me around like a stalker all night? (knockouts argue in the next room)WHAT THE HELL IS THE MATTER WITH YOU PEOPLE!? YOU WANNA BE ON FOOD STAMPS! I AM SICK OF YOU BITCHES PISSING AND MOANING, YOU WANT BETTER CATERING, YOU WANT LOW-FAT MEAT, YOU’RE ALL SPOILED! BACK IN MY DAY, WE HAD TO DRIVE 500 MILES, 6 PEOPLE TO A CAR, AND IN THE WINTER, THE HEATER DIDN’T WORK! YOU ARE SPOILED, AND IT’S GONNA COME TO AN END! IF THERE ARE PEOPLE MAKING SACRIFICES, IT’S GONNA BE YOU, BY GUM! SPOILED BRATS!
Cornette - Hold on just a second, I wanna apologize to the TNA fans for all the stupidity happening on this program! We’re gonna try to make this real simple, just like you, AJ Styles. AJ’s claiming that Eric Young and Super Eric are two different people - what we’re gonna do is have Eric Young come out and admit that they’re on and the same. Eric Young, come out and explain your identity.
DW - Kaz has both belts, but there’s no Eric or Super Eric - THIS THING JUST GETS MORE CONFUSING!
Cornette - Eric Young, I’m sick of this, you either get out here, or I’m gonna strip you of these belts! GET YOUR BUTT OUT HERE! 1-2! (Super Eric’s theme hits)
Tenay - HE ASKED FOR ERIC YOUNG, BUT HE GETS SUPER ERIC INSTEAD - THIS JUST ADDS ANOTHER LAYER OF CONFUSION TO THIS MESS!
DW - I’m starting to think AJ Styles has a valid point.
Cornette - I remember when I actually had some dignity left - please say that you’re Eric Young so I can get some peace and quiet!
Super Eric - Who, Commissioner Gordon? I know nothing of this Eric Young you speak of, fast-talking man!
Cornette - I’M STARTING TO LOSE MY PATIENCE, TELL ‘EM WHO YOU ARE!
Super Eric - Why is your face getting red?
Kaz - Le me talk to him. Eric, joke’s over bro - were talking about the tag team titles. Tell Jim that you’re Eric Young and let’s go celebrate!
Super Eric - THAT I CANNOT DO, HANDSOME LADIES MAN, FOR I AM SUPER ERIC! SON OF MOLTAR, FATHER OF ZION!
DW - What in the World? Son of Moltar?
Cornette - This is the way you want it to be? Find a doctor - you two are stripped of the world tag team championship. WOAH, I SAID THEY STRIPPED OF THE TITLES, ID IDN’T SAY YOU WERE THE CHAMPIONS!
DW - WHAT’S HE DOING!?
Cornette - LOOK HERE, EVERYONE SAW YOU LOSE THESE THINGS EXCEPT THE SON OF ZORRO OVER HERE, SO AS FAR AS I’M CONCERNED, THERE ARE NO CHAMPIONS, SO I’M GONNA TAKE THESE BACK AND GET AWAY FROM YOU LUNATICS! Now excuse me while I go put a corotid artery through my neck!
Tenay - TO THE BACK WITH LAUREN AND ONE OF THE LOCKDOWN REVENGE TEAMS!
Kip - Do you not know who I am? I AM A MEGA STAR - KIP JAMES! I am the man who beat his partner up and retired his old-ass Marine daddy. I’m YOUR DADDY! I owned your redneck ass, you can go down there.
Lauren - Down where?
Kip - DOWN THERE! HAHA, I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU FELL FOR THAT!
Storm - Enough, the joke’s over. You’re just mad cuz your cowboy gimmick didn’t get over. Sting, you clown, after I beat you, I become a bigger star. Sting, you can go back and tell your kids, and your kids’ kids that I want through hell and got my ass beat by the Cowboy.
Roode - Booker, when you came into TNA, you thought your name and power were gonna take you to the top, but what you didn’t know was that Robert Roode was gonna stop you in your tracks. I have made your life and your wife completely miserable. Why stop tonight? Booker T, bring the clown, bring the redneck, because all three of yas are gonna find out that it pays to be Roode.
Tenay - Kong is here to defend that championship gold belt! The number one contender is here as the challenger!
Tenay - Welcome back to this VERY SPECIAL TNA Impact!
Tenay - Next week, you only have to say these words - Kurt Angle versus Samoa Joe - TNA World Heavyweight title - EPIC BATTLE!
Tenay - To JB with the man who challenges Joe for the TNA Title next Thursday, Kurt Angle!
(Angle goes to his dressing room to find it closed)Angle - WHERE’S MY SIGN! THIS IS LIKE MY LITTLE KINGDOM!
J.B. - Well, ti’s the champ’s dressing room…
Angle - I’M THE CHAMPION! I slipped up once! I didn’t become Kurt Angle, a household name, by being a champion, I became it by bouncing back! Next week, Joe’s gonna slip! And I’m gonna be champion again! WHAT DO I HAVE TO DO TO EARN SOME RESPECT AROUND HERE!? I’M GONNA MAKE JOE HURT! IT’S GONNA BE A REALLY SHORT REIGN, NEXT WEEK, I GET THE TITLE BACK! IT’S REAL! GET OUT OF MY WAY!
Tenay - TNA’s icon, PROFESSIONAL WRESTLING’S ICON - STING! IT’S OUR LOCKDOWN REVENGE SIX-MAN TAG MAIN EVENT!
Tenay - What better way to get ready for Angle-Joe next week than by watching the replay of Lockdown!?
DW - You won’t even want to see Angle-Joe next week until you see it at Lockdown!
(on BG vs. Kip)DW - Boy, I thought that it was just gonna be one of those feel-good feuds that ended with a hand shake, but Kip turned dirty!
(Morgan helps Booker win)Booker - Look man, I don’t need no help from you! And if you want to back him Sting, you gotta problem with me. WHAT YOU JUST SAID IS BULL! If you want some, you can get some too, but your ass better be big enough and bad enough to take some! NEXT WEEK!
Tenay - WHAT!? THEY’VE BEEN FRIENDS FOR YEARS! THAT NEXT WEEK, PLUS ANGLE VERSUS JOE, THERE’S NEVER BEEN AN IMPACT LIKE WE’LL HAVE NEXT WEEK!
, I was so busy I forgot about Impact!
