J.R. - The brackets have been kept secret from the competitors and from us as well.
King - Can you imagine - half-man, half-amazing, and king of the ring.
King - MVP is the highest-paid superstar in all of Smack Down - are you jealous?
J.R. - I’m proud of him…a bit envious.
J.R. - The first WWE King of the Ring was crowned in 1985 - WWE Hall of Famer Don Muraco.
JBL - Tonight the WWE crowns the 2008 king of the ring, on Sunday, at Backlash, will be the coronation of JBL as WWE Champion. I will do what JBL does best - survive. I became a self-made millionaire in the toughest city in the world, NEW YORK CITY, dominated Wall Street, own my own company where I am CEO - and was featured on the cover of today’s New York Times! JBL does not make news - JBL IS NEWS. Sunday, JBL will not only be news, JBL will be WWE Champion. The torch I passed, on Sunday, comes home!
King - King Khali has a pretty good ring to it.
J.R. - It’ll be India vs. Ireland in this match up.
J.R. - The Big Show, just three days after being DOUBLE CHOKESLAMMED, has locked eyes with Khali!
King - It’ll be the biggest match in WWE HISTORY!
J.R. - If my bracket logy is correct - Regal will face Finlay in the second round.
Santino - We are entertaining thousands of millions of people in Europe!
HHH - We’ve been around the world in 14 days.
HBK - The last thing I thought I would have to do at facing Flair at Mania was come out, step into the ring, and talk about facing one of his friends, Batista, at Backlash, but that’s where we’re at. Big man, I know you’re here tonight, and there’s just one question I have for ya - come on down!
HBK - Now I appreciate you coming out here, Dave. Last Friday night, Jericho asked you a question, and you didn’t really give him an answer, and I’m as surprised as you if Jericho told the truth, is your problem with me that you wanted to be the man who wanted to face Flair at ‘Mania? Is that what this is all about?
Batista - Would it make you feel better if I said yes? Absolve you from any blame? Sorry, I already told you, this isn’t about Ric or what happened at Mania, this is about you and me. I respect where you’re at in your career, I just don’t like the way you got here. Six days away from the match, I’m sick of talking about it - this is the last thing I’m gonna say to you, you can point your finger all you want, the bottom line is that at Backlash, I’m gonna finish this.
HBK - Well Dave, I appreciate your honesty, but since we’re being so honest, I’ve got a little confessionon of my own to make - I’m everything that you say I am - I am the hearbreak kid, the showstopper, Mr. WrestleMania, and whether anyone likes it or not - THE MAN! We’ve talked about the blood on my hands, it’s there, there have been many casualties along the way - it’s called collateral damage. I know you’re probably distracted by your world title match on Friday. The guy you think you’re so morally superior to, the man you say will stop at absolutely nothing to win, is the guy you/re gonna be facing at Backlash. So all I’ve gotta say to you is good luck. You’re gonna need it! (they shake, and HBK teases a super kick)
J.R. - While we anxiously away the McMichaels-Batista match at Backlash, we’ve got the most star-studded 8-man tag in Raw history.
Hillary Clinton - Randy Orton, you’re safe for now.
King - Carlito speaks Spanish and Santino speaks Italian - what’s Holly speak?
J.R. - Redneck.
King - Really? Did he learn English from Jeff Foxworthy?
J.R. - Holly’s not really known for his oratory skills.
Crowd (on Holly-Carlito) - BOOORRRINNG! BOOOORRRINNNGGG!
Santino (to Calrito) - PULL HIS PECTORALS!
J.R. - I’m not sure Santino can spell that. Or that I can.
(after Holly gets pinned)Santino - YOU TWO GUYS BETTER GET USED TO THAT, OKAY HARDCORE HORNY AND HIS BOYHOOD FRIEND, WHICH MAKES HIM A BOYFRIEND! WE ARE THE NUMBER 1 CONTENDERS, AND IT’S JUST A MATTER OF TIME BEFORE WE TAKE THOSE TAG TEAM TITLTES AND PUT THEM AROUND OUR BELLIES! I MEAN WAISTS!
Cody - Santino, DO YOU EVER SHUT UP! How do you say “if you say one more word, I’m gonna hit you with this microphone!” in Italian?
Santino - YOU CAN’T TALK TO ME LIKE THAT!
HHH - Orton, JBL, Cena - the four of us can stand out here until we’re blue in the face, and tell the world we’re the best, but it’s just a bunch of words. This Sunday, we get to prove it. Three will fall, one will emerge as the standard-bearer - knowing that he is the best of the best. One will emerge as the WWE Champion! I can tell you right now, with every bit of my being, that that will be me. It’s up to you, Orton, JBL, and Cena, to prove me wrong!
(after a Jericho-Punk botched rope-assisted gut buster)J.R. - That was just ugly.
J.R. - Jericho looking to add the Intercontinental title…King of the Ring title to his Intercontinental title.
King - Punk is all about discipline, does he have the discipline to not tap out! (he doesn’t, crowd boos)
Obama - Hey WWE fans, I hope you’re all enjoying the program. This is a historic time for America - not only could the reign of Randy Orton come to an end, we could see the agenda changed in Washington. Do you smell what Borack is cooking?
J.R. - With one of the longest ring introductions of all-time, we can tell you that William Regal’s first-round opponent was Hornswoggle.
J.R. - Finlay’s lest, let, left knee - I’ll get it right, has been taped up by the medical staff. Regal and Finlay are no strangers to each other.
J.R. - We’ve got England and Ireland represented here in th semi-finals of King of the Ring.
King - Regal doesn’t want to be a senator - he wants to be king of all the WWE!
Crowd - Regal sucks! Regal sucks!
King - Hey, you can’t blame him for wanting to be king!
King - Finlay can’t tap out - his arm is trapped underneath his body!
J.R. - Finlay didn’t quit, but he was unable to continue. I think Regal should thank Khali for damaging the knee of Finlay.
McCain - How are ya, South Carolina? The Mac hs come back to South Carolina! If you wanna be the man, you have to beat the man! Come November, it’ll be GAME OVER! What are you gonna do when John McCain and the McCmaniacs run wild over you! I want Osama Bin Laden to meet the Undertaker. Americans don’t watch wrestling because we’re bitter, we do it because WWE is about fighting to be the very best. Do you smell what the Mac is cooking? You may need a ticket for the fatal four way next week, but you don’t need a ticket to the cage match in November - that’s the bottom line because John McCain said so!
J.R. - You gotta believe Edge has a massive plan to become WWE…World champion again at Backlash!
Cena - They’ve been talking from the dawn of time. Tonight, you’ve heard from a wall street tycoon, who has told you about his accomplishments. You’ve heard from an 11-time champion who believes with everything in his being that Backlash is HIS time that wants to be PROVED WRONG! You will hear from a one-man dynasty who claims that he has a grip on the WWE Championship so tight that it matters not who he faces! I talk to send a message to the other three, not that I will be WWE Champion, because that’s anyone’s ball game, but say that they gotta go through me to get it, and I will make them earn it! Questions about my resolve will be answered at Backlash! I am locked, loaded, and ready to bring down the thunder!
Librarian - WWE has helped put the library on the map.
Lilian - The following is a democratic party SMACKDOWN!
King - THE BILL IS HERE AS WELL!
(Clinton/Obama skit starts)Crowd - BOY THIS SUCKS! BOY THIS SUCKS! BORING! BORING!
King - Those ears…I can’t get over them. He must be getting satellite reception on them.
J.R. - Careful, he might here ya.
King - Might!?
“Obama” - FINALLY, BORACK HAS COME BACK TO SOUTH CAROLINA! NOW YOU TWO ROODY POOT JABRONIES THINK YOU CAN CHANGE WASHINGTON!?
“Bill” - I’m gonna tell you what I think…
“Obama” - IT DOESN’T MATTER WHAT YOU THINK! IF YOU SMELLLOW WHAT BORACK IS COOKING!
J.R. - The pre-match festivities, I think, I think, are over.
King - The ref’s checking them for foreign objects - he’d better check those ears!
“Bill” - Don’t touch her, she won’t even let me touch her! She hasn’t had a man touch her in so many years it’s not even funny.
King - THE BORACK BOTTOM!
(after “Bill“ trips “Obama)“Bill” - I DID NOT HAVE ILLEGAL CONDUCT WITH THAT CANDIDATE! (Umaga’s theme hits)
J.R. - I didn’t know he had an interest in politics.
Ashley - DING DONG, THE WITCH IS DEAD!
King - If sexy’s the goal, Mickie’s the hat trick.
King - Ding dong, the witch is not dead, and she’s brought her flying monkeys!
Lilian - THE FOLLOWING IS THE FINALS IN THE KING OF THE RING TOURNAMENT! (a fan in the front row is so excited that he checks his cell phone)
J.R. - Being king is bigger than being the general manager - by far!
J.R. - Punk lives the straight edge lifestyle - he doesn’t drink or do drugs, and you’ve got to admire him for that, but he might need an aspirin after that suplex!
J.R. - The GM of Raw rose to the occasion in a royal way tonight.
King - What a historic night it’s been - we’ve had the future President of the United States appear, a new king crowned, and now, we’ve got the most star-studded tag team match in Raw history.
J.R. - King, mark April 21st, 2008 on your calendar!
Orton - I am getting sick and tired of hearing people say they’re going to walk out of Backlash the new WWE Champion! My actions do most of my talking, so I don’t have anything to say about the four way elimination match at Backlash.
Crowd - YOU SUCK! YOU SUCK!
Orton - Except No Mercy! Armageddon! Survivor Series, the Royal Rumble, No Way Out, and WrestleMania 24 - all where I had successful championship victories! So it doesn’t matter that I’m gonna be in there with 3 top contenders - at Backlash, I will remain WWE Champion!
J.R. - Today, this top contender was featured on the front page of the business section of the New York Times - Mr. Mamajuana himself!
Lilian - From El Paso, Texas - CHAVO GUERRERO (dead silence from the crowd)
J.R. - If there’s ever a History of the WWE book written, the Undertaker will be in chapter one! The reigning heavyweight champion of the world!
J.R. - The 8 men in this match have a total of 38 world championships between them!
King - I hope JBL and Orton find something that takes their attention off each other.