Cole - THE WORLD’S STRONGEST MAN MARK HENRY FACES THE GREAT WHITE SHEAMUS!
Josh - You can follow Bret on twitter.
Cole - I’m sure he has a lot of coherent things to say.
Bret - HELLO, CALGARY!
Cole - WE’RE IN BIZARRO LAND!
Bret - Due to unforeseen circumstances, Teddy can’t make it tonight, so HHH thought it would be a good idea and made me the guest GM TONIGHT! Another first will be this Tuesday, when a Super SmackDown happens with the stars of Raw and SD on one SUPER SMACKDOWN SPECIAL LIVE. The best part is gonna be the main event. Number 1 contender Mark Henry is gonna face Randy Orton for the World Heavyweight Title!
Christian - Bret, I want to make something clear to you and the world - it wasn’t my fault I lost at Summerslam. I blame one person for my loss - YOUR FRIEND EDGE! I couldn’t concentrate after the things he said to me, and it cost me the WHC. As far as tonight goes, everyone’s excited you’re the GM for SD. But let’s not forget one thing - as the former WHC, I’m entitled to a rematch! THAT’S RIGHT! I GET ONE MORE MATCH! And I want that match this Tuesday on SD my friend.
Bret - One thing I’ve noticed is you don’t listen to your friends, because Edge gave you the best advice he could give you - STOP BEING A CRYBABY! You became an embarrassment to your friends, family, AND THE WWE UNIVERSE. AND THE WORLD TITLE. And worst of all, you’re becoming an embarrassment to Canada. Do everyone a favor, and yourself a favor, GROW A SET OF JENNIES AND BE A MAN AND WORK YOUR WAY BACK TO THE TOP LIKE A MAN!
Christian - Stop embarrassing myself, huh? Let’s talk about that.
Bret - Shoot.
Christian - EMBARRASSING IS GUYS LIKE YOU AND EDGE NOT COPING WITH THE FACT THAT WHEN YOUR CAREER IS OVER, IT’S REALLY OVER. YOU STAND OUT HERE WITH YOUR LEATHER JACKET AND STRINGY HAIR LIKE YOU’RE 25 - LET IT GO. YOU NEED TO HEAR THIS, AND EDGE NEEDS TO HEAR THIS - MAYBE YOU BOTH CAN’T HANDLE THE FACT THAT IN WWE, I’M THE ONLY CANADIAN THAT’S STILL RELEVANT. It seems like you have the same business acumen as Teddy, so I brought something with me. You might wanna read that. Know what that is?
Bret - Lot of big words here.
Christian - IT’S A LEGAL DOCUMENT THAT SAYS NO SUPERSTAR SHALL RECEIVE A WORLD TITLE MATCH BEFORE I DO FIRST!
Bret - Well, ya can’t fight the law - you got yourself a rematch for the world title next week. Think you’re smart?
Christian - SO I GET MY REMATCH!?
Bret - Yeah… You got your match, but what kind of match? What match for a guy with nothing but excuses…A STEEL CAGE MATCH! HOW DO YOU LIKE THOSE APPLES! YOU’LL HAVE NO MORE EXCUSES!
Christian - You can’t do this to me, Bret…(Henry comes out)
Henry - Bret, I’ve been with the company 15 years, and I still gotta deal with this blatant disrespect. Let’s get this straight - I EARNED MY SHOT LAST WEEK! And if I don’t get it - SOMEBDOY’S GONNA GET HURT!
Bret - W…
Henry - DON’T SPEAK TIL I TELL YA SOMETHING! I want the winner of that cage match next week.
And I cam promise you this - as much as I respect what you’ve done, I can’t be held responsible when I get angry. And what I might to you or anybody else.
Bret - You trying to intimidate me?
Henry - I DON’T HAVE TO INTIMIDATE NOBODY!
Sheamus - Mark, lemme tell ya a story fella. A long time ago, my uncle Mick owned a farm, and on it, he had this big, ugly black bull. It chased the other animals away - so one day, HE HAD THAT BULL CASTRATED - DON’T MAKE ME HAVE TO DO THE SAME TO YOU!
Cole - I think Daniel Bryan will cash in the title shot when it’s opportune to him.
Booker - I agree with ya, but going back to this match, Christian is one of the most dangerous individuals in that ring.
Josh - Christian’s lawyers may be more dangerous than anything. AND THE WWE LIVE TOUR IS SPONSORED BY K-MART!
Cole - EVERY CHAMPION IN THE HISTORY OF THIS BUSINESS HAS BEEN GIVEN A REMATCH! CHRISTIAN DIDN’T MANIPULATE ANYTHING!
Booker - We got a hell of a match going on - CHILL!
Booker - CHRISTIAN IS THE ULTIMATE PROFESSOR IN THE RING!
Cole - Yes, but Daniel Bryan is great in the ring.
Booker - DANIEL BRYAN CAN GET YA WHEN YA GOING DOWNHILL!
Cole - Daniel Bryan’s gotta show charisma, although he’s trying to develop it on You tube - like the one of him doing hammerlocks to clown music. Bryan is gonna show triangle escapes to his dog Asparagus. I guess since he’s a vegan, he’d name his dog Asparagus.
Booker - CHRISTIAN, THE PROFESSOR, JUST DROPPED MY BOY D-BRYAN HARD!
Aksana - My name is Aksana, and I invite you to turn me onto Super SmackDown this Tuesday.
Wade - I have orchestrated attacks on everybody from John Cena, to Vince McMahon - I have shaken WWE to its foundation on more than one occasion. I TAKE THIS AS AN INSULT - THIS IS BENEATH ME AS A MAN AND AS A COMPETITOR TO FACE A DREG SUCH AS THIS!
Josh - THE ONE MAN SOUTHERN ROCK BAND. THE AXL ROSE OF THE WWE!
Cole - Heath calls himself the One Man Southern Rock Band, and yet last night, he quoted CCR.
Josh - Booker, you and I have been texting about Sin Cara attacking Alberto all week.
Cole - You’ve been talking about that all week?
Josh - I can’t wait to be Sin Cara in the new WWE video game this November.
Booker - WHAT ABOUT ME!? YOU CAN BE ME IN THE GAME TOO!
Cole - You think Sin Cara could beat my character in the video game?
Booker - Yeah.
Cody - I PERFORM MIRACLES. I AM RESURRECTING THE STATUS OF THE IC TITLE. AND THE CAREER OF MY DEAR FRIEND, TED DIBIASE. I HOPE YOU BELIEVE IN MIRACLES, BECAUSE I DO!
Cole - Great motivational speech by Ted’s life coach, Cody Rhodes.
Booker - Ted’s a lost soul.
Cole - Winning the IC Title has been a stepping stone to something bigger and better.
Josh - You’re a six-time world champ…
Booker - SIX TIME SIX TIME SIX TIME…
Josh - Orton’s a nine-time world champion.
Booker - ORTON IS PERHAPS THE BEST I’VE EVER SEEN!
Booker - Cody is ugly.
Cole - And you’re a prize.
Booker - Having that second generation background is all the more better for Orton.
Cole - MORE BETTER!?
Booker - You know what I mean.
Cole - THE HUMILATION OF BEING BAGGED BY CODY!
Nattie - Kelly’s a real doll - I DON’T PLAY WITH DOLLS!
(after a stink face)Booker - THAT’S CALLED CHARISMA, AND KELLY KELLY HAS A LOT OF CHARISMA!
Jinder - Khali’s mission is to DOMINATE EZEKIEL JACKSON! KHALI, JUMP!
Josh - If Khali doesn’t do what Jinder says, he’ll divorce his sister and send Khali’s family into poverty.
Booker - Jackson losing the title seemed to do something for him.
Josh - EZEKIEL JACKSON’S STENGTH IS GONNA BE TRENDING ON TWITTER!
Orton - Christian’s like a nightmare - he keeps COMING BACK!
Booker - HENRY’S LIKE A SNOWBALL ROLLING DOWNHILL!
Cole - Just call him an avalanche!