Roberts - Please welcome actor and fashion designer, and former WCW World Champion, DAVID ARQUETTE.
Arquette - WHO BETTER TO REPRESENT THE INDUSTRY THAN ONE OF THE GREATEST WCW CHAMPIONS OF ALL TIME. I BEAT A MAN NAMED ERIC BISCHOFF - I’M SURE YOU ALL REMEMBER HIM! I should have won an Oscar for READY TO RUMBLE!
Cole - He’s a member of the Cole Miners.
Punk - This is all bad.
Barrett - Thank you. I accept this award on behalf of the Nexus. Of course, the Nexus WOULDN’T BE HERE IF IT WASN’T FOR ME. IF I HADN’T WON NXT SEASON 1, AND BROUGHT THEM WITH ME, THE NEXUS WOULD HAVE NEVER BECOMET HE MOST POWERFUL GROUP IN WWE HISTORY. And speaking of power, I AM THE ONE MAN WITH THE POWER TO REHIRE JOHN CENA! Of course, the other members have told me that if I fail to rehire him, I will be excommunicated from the group - THE GROUP THAT I CREATED. I’ve not yet made my mind up, but I’ll be making it before this night is over. You can all rest assured that Wade Barrett will be making many more shocking moments here in WWE. Thank you very much.
Cole - CAN I HAVE YOUR ATTENTION PLEASE, I’VE RECEIVED AN E-MAIL!
Punk - They really liked it when I did it…
Cole - AND I QUOTE! Mr. Barrett, I’m going to give you the opportunity to give us a shocking moment in a match right now against this man.
Punk - I bet Show thinks there’s chocolate underneath that gold.
Punk - Barrett’s a hero - he’s responsible for getting Cena fired.
Punk - That was smart.
Cole - How?
Punk - HE POKED A GIANT IN THE EYE. HE BLINDED HIM. And when I say poked, I mean he punched him and his finger slipped.
Roberts - Here to present the Despicable Me award, Kelly Kelly.
Punk - HOOORAY!
Kidd - Kelly, congratulations for saying more big words there than you ever have.
Kelly Kelly - Two words - SUPER CUTS!
Punk - Might be a compound word.
Punk - NO WHAMMY, NO WHAMMY…
Punk - YES!
Cole - It’s his third Slammy ever!
Punk - WOW! This goes to prove that if you work hard and you believe In yourself, you can make all your dreams come true. People ask me why I did what I did to Rey because he wronged me, and I get even. Right now, there’s another individual who has wronged me. There will come the day when I get even, so watch your back. Because I hold grudges, and after what you did to me, if you think what I did to Rey was despicable, you haven’t seen anything yet.
King - He should have 667 tattooed on his head.
Cole - Daniel Bryan drew the artwork on his shirt himself.
Punk - Kofi’s going Savage!
Punk - HOW DID SHATNER NOT WIN!? I DEMAND A RECOUNT!
Punk - When it comes to award shows, It doesn’t get any bigger than the Slammys. And it doesn’t get anymore Dashing than DASHING CODY RHODES.
Punk - Cody’s wishing he was still at the spa.
King - John Cena is fired, so he cannot be here tonight…
Barrett - I’ll take it - if Cena wants it, he can come and get it. I’m about to decide whether or not to rehire John Cena…And my decision is... I’m not gonna make it unless he comes out here and faces me.
JUST YOU KEEP YOUR DISTANCE. Attack me now and you know what my decision will be. This decision affects a lot of people - you, me, AND THE NEXUS.
Punk - This doesn’t look like it’s gonna be good. For John Cena.
Barrett - Cena, YOU’RE OFFICIALLY REHIRED. ON TWO CONDITIONS! ONE, you agree to face me this Sunday at TLC in a chair match. Two, you give the whole world what they’ve been waiting to see - you agree to go one on one with David Otunga!
Arquette - The winner - ANGRY MIZ GIRL!
Miz Girl - I’d like to thank my dad for taking me to Raw. (Miz’s theme hits)
Miz - Hi Kaley, do you remember me? Cuz I remember you. Look at that Slammy…it’s so shiny. I should take it for safekeeping. Can you do me a favor? IF ANYONE DESERVES A SLAMMY, IT’S ME. IN THIS YEAR, I’VE HELD THE U.S., UNIFIED TAG TEAM, MONEY IN THE BANK, AND WWE CHAMPION. THAT IS CALLED A GRAND SLAM! I find it amazing that tonight is the Slammys, because there are still three weeks left In the year, and if you want a moment of the year, order TLC this Sunday so you can see me put Orton through a table.
Cole - AND I QUOTE! Both you and Orton are gonna face former champions. Your match, against a former World Champion, starts right now… (Rey comes out)
King - Punk, have you ever seen what happens when you throw beads at girls on Burbon street?
Punk - Never been there.
Edge - Christian, CAPTAIN CHARISMA. How’s your pec?
Christian - Pec’s feeling better. I hope Alberto wins this award - I don’t think my peeps here in NEW ORLEANS have forgotten, and I know that I haven’t forgotten that he’s the reason I’m on the shelf.
JTG - YO YO YO YO YO! WHAT’S REALLY HOOD?
Regal - Here are the nominations for Knucklehead moment of the year…
Punk - The most important thing that’s happened tonight Is ME WINNING A SLAMMY!
Cole - Tonight, Orton takes on FORMER WCW WORLD CHAMPION David Arquette and A-Ri.
King - Don’t talk about David Arquette when the divas are in there.
Punk - Yeah, TALK ABOUT ME WINNING A SLAMMY.
HBK - I’m at an undisclosed location, for fear that WWE would try to get me to come back - and we can’t have that. In all seriousness, I have to thank you all for making my life so worth living. I don’t miss it, but I do miss you.
Punk - Hanicap matches are usually dangerous, but…I can’t say Orton’s in danger here. Arquette’s in Clubber Lang’s gi.
Punk - MIZ IS DOWN TO ONE STOOGE!
Cole - Ladies and gentlemen, 2010 had not only great action, BUT ALSO GREAT QUOTES. AND THE WINNER IS… MICHAEL COLE. I’m sorta shocked. I really wasn’t expecting this tonight. I’m so humbled by this award, despite the fact that I deserve it. I WANNA THANK MY COLE MINERS, THE MIZ, AND THOSE WHO PAVED THE WAY FOR ME - AND SINCE I’M THE ONLY ANNOUNCER TO WIN IN TWO STRAIGHT YEARS, I PAVED THE WAY FOR MYSELF!
Cena - I WILL CONTINUE TO BE A MAN OF MY WORD! I don’t care if he brings the guy from Fashionable Male or the girl from Wendy’s, OTUNGA WILL PAY.