Jericho - I am Chris Jericho - and I’m the new World heavyweight champion! For those who didn’t see Unforgiven, let me explain what happened. (fans chant “you suck”) Last night, I faced the wrath of a hypocrite named Shawn Michaels - he likes to talk about turning the other cheek, well, let me show you exactly what this “good person” did to me last night. Look at the bruises, the welts…What kind of a man would do this to another human being? What kind of person would intentionally disfigure another? Shawn Michaels, and he’s a hypocrite! He whipped me like a dog, he mauled me! All of you people savored every moment of it, didn’t ya? When all the bravado calms down, what did he win? Nothing, because his hand might’ve been raised, he’s at home celebrating with his family, but that match was an unsanctioned match - it’s not official, never really happened. What did he really accomplish? NOTHING! What did I accomplish last night? THIS! Six months ago, I told you that good things happened to good people - and I’m a good person. I’m an honest man, and now I’m the champion! After I received the brutal beating that I did not deserve, I was in the dressing room trying to stand straight and Adamle said that Orton had kicked Punk’s head off and I took his place, and now I’m in the new champion! So now not only am I the man who beat te Rock and Austin to become the first undisputed champion, now I’m the man who beat Batista, Rey, JBL, Kane to win the title again. Batista was close, but I WON! Now you’re all forced to respect just how good Chris Jericho is! Michaels told me that I would never be him - he’s right, I’m better! And I’m also the new world heavyweight champion!
Adamle - Chris, congratulations! CM Punk suffered a concussion last night and wasn’t medically cleared to compete. I had to find a championship-caliber replacement and Chris, let me say, you answered the call! But the fact remains, CM Punk lost his title without having a chance to defend it. Now CM Punk isn’t here tonight, but next week, live on Raw, he will be given a chance to regain it! It will be CM Punk versus Jericho for the world heavyweight title! And just to ensure that there is no outside interference, the match will take place inside a 15 foot high STEEL CAGE!
Jericho - You think that bothers me? I beat Punk in his hometown and I’ll beat him next week! I’ve had enough of these hypocrites, I’m gonna take this title and get outta here…
Adamle - Wait, there’s more. Since the cage match is NEXT week, I need a main event for tonight… And after what transpired last night, I can’t think of a more exciting match than Chris Jericho one on one versus BATISTA!
Lawler - Every time I see Candice, I wonder if I make more money than she can spend.
Lawler - Just for Men - stay in the game with JUST FOR MEN HAIR COLOR!
Noble - Having you at ringside last week was like Jamie Noble having his own personal lucky charm!
Layla - Yeah, you winning was…a surprise.
Noble - THAT WAS THE REAL JAMIE NOBLE! You wanna surprise? I got one (Jillian sings) Enough, I WANT MY FIVE BUCKS BACK! She told me she was a professional!
(after he mauls Noble)Regal - What did you expect Noble? Happy endings only happen in fairy tales!
Lawler - Unforgiven was one of the most…HISTORIC PPVs in WWE history - I LOVED IT!
Sign - Jello Belly Loser
CHL - MY NAME IS CHL - CHARLES HAAS LAYFIELD, AND I’M A BIG TEXAS BLOWHARD WHO LIVES IN NEW YAWK CITY! YEE HAW! I’M RICH, MY WIFE’S RICH, EVEN MY DOG’S RICH! MAMAJUANAEXTREME.COM AND I WAS THE LONGEST REIGNING WWE CHAMPION ON SMACKDOWN! AND I LOVE TO HEAR MYSELF TALK! MAMAJUANA, JAMAUMANA! BLAH BLAH BLAH!
JBL (fans chant CHL) - YOU, ARE MOCKING ME!? YOU’VE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME! YOU THINK THIS IS FUNNY!? YOU THINK THAT I, WITH MY PEDIGREE, WITH MY RESUME! AM SOME OVER THE TOP RIDICULOUS CARICITURE, YOU THINK THAT’S WHAT I AM!? YOU DISRESPECTFUL PUNK! I DESERVE BETTER THAN THIS! WHETHER YU LIKE ME OR HATE ME, YOU WILL RESPECT ME! I DESERVE THAT!
Cole - JBL looks...floored.
Lilian - HERE IS YOUR WINNER - CHL - CHARLIE HAAS LAYFIELD!
Cole - I CAN’T WAIT TO SEE BOURNE AND MYSTERIO - TWO OF WWE’S MOST SWASHBUCKLING SUPERSTARS, TEAM UP!
JBL - What are you laughing it?
Batista - MAMAJUANAEXTREME.COM! It’s funny.
JBL - You off all people should know how absurd it is for Haas to make fun of me! WE’RE BOTH FORMER CHAMPIONS, YOU AND I BOTH MAIN EVENTED SUMMERSLAM! Haas and I have NOTHING IN COMMON!
Batista - You’re right - you and Haas have nothing in common - he won his match tonight.
Grisham - Do you know why Kane attacked me?
Kane - I don’t know, and he attacked me without no warning! Because of his actions, I had to take some time off, but I vowed to never let what Kane did to me happen again. If I’m on Raw, I need to stand strong. Kane, you claim that I’m your victim - well despite of what you claim, saying that you killed my spirit - I’M STANDING RIGHT HERE AND STRONG! MY SPIRIT IS STILL ALIVE! I may always be an underdog, but please believe Kane, I’M NOBODY’S VICTIM!
Cole - Bourne told me that this is a dream come true - Rey, along with Eddie Guerrero and Dean Malenko inspired him to get into sports entertainment. Evan Bourne learned his craft in Japan, and before that, he was a marketing vice president!
Cole - The Miz said his shorts cost $1,000.
Lawler - WHAT?!
Lawler - I think we were about to see the shooting star press that Evan Bourne made famous…
Sign (as Orton comes out) - BOO!
Orton - THERE IS NO WORSE FEELING than to be on a global stage, with the title IN YOUR GRASP, only for tragedy to strike - leaving you unable to compete. I’m not talking about CM Punk - I’m talking about myself. A few months ago, I broke my collarbone in a match against HHH, leaving me defenseless and unable to defend my title. The difference between Punk and myself is that I EARNED MY TITLE - I WON MY WRESTLEMANIA MATCH, HE JUST GOT LUCKY and karma got him. He was taken out by a one-armed man, and as I explained to Adamle, I felt concerned for my safety. Punk should thank me from kicking in his face because it saved him from being exposed in the scramble. Now I ask Jericho, you feel free to thank me any time you want, because if It wasn’t for me, you wouldn’t have been in the scramble, and you sure as hell wouldn’t be champion! When I’m fully recovered, I will have no problem and taking back what is mine. When I do…(Priceless comes out)
Cody - CM Punk got taken out by…who? A one-armed man? Randy, you need to check your facts - if the three of us hadn’t done what we did, you wouldn’t have been able to punt Punk. We beat him down, we took out Kofi when he tried to help, so don’t YOU DARE TAKE CREDIT FOR SOMETHING you didn’t do.
Manu - You’re not the only one who was blessed with God-given talent and ability - whose father is a hall of famer. My father, Afa is one as well. You’re not any better than any one of us.
DiBiase - What we did to CM Punk was impressive, and that’s something that… (Orton slaps him down and leaves)
(after Gordon Solie and Bob Caudle are heard on 24/7 classics clip)Lawler - Did you hear those great commentators? You should take notes.
Santino - TANK YOU VERY MUCH! I PRESENT TO YOU THE HOMECOMING PAIR! ACCORDING TO THE HONK-A-METER, THE MOUNTIE ONLY HAD THE TITLE FOR A DAY, AND I’VE HAD IT FOR 19 DAYS LONGER!I’M 19 TIMES BETTER THAN HIM! I hope you’re impressed Randy Orton - because THAT’S IMPRESSIVE! I’M THE GREATEST INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPION OF ALL THE TIMES!
Cole - Snitsky’s no Mountie.
Jericho - Adamle, THIS IS UNFAIR, I wrestled in two matches last night - I’m in no mental or physical shape to wrestle tonight against Batista.
Adamle - I did you a favor by putting you in the scramble last night, tonight, I’m calling In a favor - you’re going to put on a main event-caliber performance. Next.
Adamle - Stop the match - Batista, I’m sorry. I’m learning on the job and in my haste to make a big main event. I probably misdiagnosed the condition of Jericho. I need a match that is star-driven and competitive, so I’ve decided to make the next match a handicap match! It’ll be you, Batista against Jericho and his partner - John Bradshaw Layfield!
(to Batista)JBL - WHO YA LAUGHING AT NOW!? NOBODY LAUGHS AT ME! PIECE OF GARBAGE! (to Cade) SHOOT HIM OFF, SHOOT HIM OFF!