The Official Simpsons Quotes Thread

From the educational film, "Road Rage: Death Flips the Finger":

"I sentence you to kiss my ass!"

Cracks me up every time, as does Eddie's little dance as Curtis E. Bear.
 
"You think that's funny? Well, right now Superintendant Chalmers is at home crying like a little girl!"
 
[quote name='The Crotch']I think you're missing a "sir" or two. Could be wrong on this one.

I'd be shocked if this one hasn't been said yet: "Worst. Episode. Ever."[/QUOTE]


I am pretty sure there is a sir at the end, but i didnt feel like looking it up and cheating
 
*Ned and kids are in house, toxic gas is seeping in*

Jesus:"It's alright Ned, goooo to sleep."

Ned: "Ok."

Jesus:"...mwhaahahaha."
 
Someone else might have said it, but oh well:

Bart: Well, what are you going to do now dad?

Homer: Something I should have done a LONG time ago...

Marge: You don't know, do you?
 
homer:"What the hell am I gonna do with 10,000 angel ash trays?!"

bart:"I can take up smoking!"

homer:"You damn well better."
 
"I told you already, you don't get a gun without giving me your name first."

"I'VE HAD IT UP TO HERE WITH YOUR...RUUULES!"
 
[quote name='The Crotch']That was one on two days ago, and you still got it wrong. *tisk*

"Mmmm... organized crime!"[/QUOTE]


just because its on by you doesnt mean it was on by me



I can't believe smell ya later replaced goodbye
 
Homer:this next song is dedicated to a special lady, shes 100 years old and weighs about 4000 tons

Some guy: This gigantic woman will crush us all! *jumps into the water*

Homer: uh..i was talking about the statue of liberty
 
[quote name='The Crotch']You missed a "very", switched "over" with "about", "enormous" with "gigantic", "devour" with "crush", and "meant" with "was talking about". Also, he just says "Statue". No "of Liberty". This thread really brings out the worst in me.

"Cram it, ma'am."[/QUOTE]


just...wow. :lol:


Writer: Excuse me, but "proactive" and "paradigm"? Aren't those just buzzwords that dumb people use to sound important? Not that I'm accusing you of anything like that... I'm fired aren't I?
 
"Quick, someone light this monkey!" *Monkey attacks his face* "ahhhhh"

"Hail Muntu, Muntu means progress, Muntu builds stadiums."
 
[quote name='The Crotch']It's the Soddom and Gomorrah (sp) of the Mississipp(i), you know.

This must have been said already: "Oh, they have the internet on computers now!"[/quote]

"Internet? They have that on computers now?"
 
This may be Homer's best comeback ever, after Patty comes out of the closet:

"Here's another bombshell for ya, Marge: I like beer!"

Actually, Homer has a few great lines in that episode...
 
*in song*
Flanders: They aren't perfect, but the Lord says love thy neighbor.
Homer: Shut up Flanders!
Flanders: Okeley dokeley do!
Sherry Bobbins: Don't think it's sour grapes, but you're all a bunch of apes...which is why I must be leaving you.
 
[quote name='Ikohn4ever']anyone from a species that has mastered intergalactic travel, raise your hand[/quote]
Bart, put you hand down! :lol:



Bart, NOOOOOOO!!!
What? I'm over here...
Sorry, force of habit. Lisa, NOOOOO!!!!!

:lol:
 
"Wow, the house number is spelled out with letters."
"Get used to it, honey. From now on we'll be spelling everything with letters."
 
Marge: Homer, the chance of winning [the lottery] is 380 million to 1.
Homer: Correction! *holds up lottery tickets* 380 million to 50!
 
Ah we drew Judge Snyder. Well, he's had it out for me since I ran over his dog. If you replace ran with repeatedly and dog with son.

Jury will you pass me the verdict. This is written on a cocktail napkin! And it still says guilty. And guilty is spelled wrong!
 
[quote name='cletus']"Ahh... if only real chicks went down this easily."
said by Comic Book Guy as he was eating Marshmallow Peeps.[/QUOTE]

Haha, awesome. And your username reminded me of this:

Some folk'll never eat a skunk
But then again some folk'll
Like Cletus the slack-jawed yokel
 
[quote name='cletus']"Ahh... if only real chicks went down this easily."
said by Comic Book Guy as he was eating Marshmallow Peeps.[/quote]

very nice quote, i dont even remember that one

"What is this, open mic night?

*Shotguns Future Homer*

Now I'm gonna get me some caveman hookers!"
 
Lisa: Wait! Doesn't the Bible say "Judge not, lest ye be judged yeself?"
[The townspeople mutter agreement.]
Chief Wiggum: The Bible says a lot of things. Shove her!!!
 
Homer : (Singing on a recording) Here's the angel, see the angel, it's my angel, no one else's!!

Lisa - Dad I don't think you should call this thing an angel, you don't have any proof.

Homer - Lisa, if you look closely you'll notice that I never once used the word "angel"

Lisa - Well what about that sign (She points to a 10 foot sign with ANGEL written on it)

Homer - That's a typo...
___________________________________________________________

Milhouse - Do you have a 1973 Carl Yastrzemski, when he had big side burns?

Comic Book Guy - Show me the thirty bux, cause if you ain't got it, I ain't getting off the stool

(Milhouse whips out the 30 bux)

Comic Book Guy - Oh.... Ok

Bart - Wait a minute, Milhouse, Martin if we put our money together we could buy a copy of Radioactive Man #1 right now!!

Martin and Milhouse - WOWWW!!!!!

Comic Book Guy - Alright here you go Carl Yastrzemski with the big sideburns

Milhouse - I don't want it.

Comic Book Guy - FREAKIN" KIDS!
____________________________________________________________


Those are two of my favorites. I don't know if it got that last one right, I haven't seen that one for a LONG time.
 
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