Cole - PREPARE FOR A JOLLY GOOD TIME ON RAW!
Truth - I had problems y’all.
Truth - I’m not perfect, but I AM THE TRUTH!
Morrison - I’m happy for ya.
Truth - THANK YA THANK YA THANK YA THANK YA!
Morrison - You didn’t mention that you were hanging out with lady luck.
Truth - What? I’m married!
Morrison - You were lucky to get through those matches given the shape you’re in.
Truth - I’m in the best shape of my life.
Morrison - Well, we’ve got some footage you might wanna check out.
Cole - HE TOOK A DRINK OF WATER IN THE MIDDLE OF A MATCH!? WHEN HAVE YOU EVER SEEN THAT!?
Morrison - You’re in good shape…for a smoker.
Truth - Okay, I been trying to quit.
Morrison - It doesn’t make you a bad guy, but it may shorten your life.
Truth - HE’S TRYING TO GET IN MY HEAD SO HE CAN TAKE MY SHOT AND BECOME WWE CHAMPION.
Morrison - YOU’RE ON!
Truth - ON WHAT!
Morrison - THE WWE DRAFT IS NEXT WEEK AND THIS COULD BE THE LAST TIME THAT JOHN MORRISON AND R-TRUTH WRESTLE FOR YOUR SPOT AT THE PPV!
Truth - ANYBODY GOT A CIGARETTE!?
Morrison - You forgot to ask for the most important thing - LUCK!
Cole - IF MORRISON WINS, HE’LL TAKE R-TRUTH’S SPOT IN THE MAIN EVENT OF EXTREME RULES!
J.R. - Yes, we know. It’s only a 2 hour program.
Cole - WHEN YOU COME BACK FROM A MATCH, YOU RESET THE SCENE!
J.R. - I’d take half the time.
King - Ow.
Cole - THAT’S GREAT COMMENTARY KING, OW!
Cole - J.R., you’re half a second late out here.
King - I think it might be the smell coming from that box.
Cole - THAT’S A GOOD ONE!
King - Why don’t you try to be entertaining instead of annoying?
Cole - I THINK TRUTH IS SUCKING WIND!
King - You’d know a lot about sucking.
Cole - R-TRUTH’S DREAM JUST WENT DOWN THE TUBES IN TEN MINUTES! GOOD MOVE, TRUTH!
Cole - Truth’s opportunity WENT UP IN SMOKE!
Crowd - WATER! WATER!
Crowd - R-TRUTH SUCKS!
Truth - YOU DID THIS, JOHN! YOU DID THIS! (hits paydirt)
Crowd - WHO ARE YA?!
(as Truth smokes in the arena)Crowd - THAT’S ILLEGAL! THAT’S ILLEGAL!
Guy - THINK OF THE CHILDREN!
Vickie - EXCUSE ME! THIS IS MY BUSINESS ASSOCIATE, THE NEW AND IMPROVED DOLPH ZIGGLER! (with NEW HAIRCUT and dark hair)
King - I wouldn’t have recognized him.
Vickie - FINISH HIM!
King - Don’t give Dolph a minute.
King - It’s available for PS3, Xbox 360, PS2, PSP, and Wii. WII!
Cole - TONIGHT, IT’S SIR MICHAEL COLE!
King - Edge forced to retire due to a spinal injury.
Miz - For seven days, I’ve been preparing physically and mentally for a triple threat match with Cena and Truth. BUT NOW, EARLIER TONIGHT, TRUTH, WHICH SHOULD COME AS A SHOCK, MAKE A RASH, ILLOGICAL AND DISRESPECTFUL DECISION. What he doesn’t realize is that his actions affect ME more than anyone else. NOW INSTEAD OF FACING CENA AND A HIP-HOP REFUGEE, I HAVE TO FACE CENA AND MORRISON AND DO IT IN A STEEL CAGE! Where you can win by pinfall, submission, or escaping the cage. I COULD BE EXCAPING THE CAGE AND CENA COLD PIN MORRISON. Or I could pin Cena and Morrison escapes the cage. I DON’T HAVE TO BE DEFEATED TO LOSE MY CHAMPIONSHIP! I WILL NOT LEAVE THIS RING UNTIL THE RAW GM MAKES THIS RIGHT. ALEX, GET ME A CHAIR!
King - BORING! BORING!
J.R. - We’re back and Miz has been talking the whole time.
Cole - I WISH EVERYONE WOULD BE QUIET AND LISTEN TO THIS MAN!
Miz - AT THE END OF THE MATCH, I WILL STILL BE WWE CHAMPION!
King - Okay, so get out of the ring.
Miz - BECAUSE I’M THE MIZ AND I’M …(Sin Cara comes out)
Crowd - SIN CARA! SIN CARA! (Cena comes out, crowd boos)
Cole - CAN I HAVE YOUR ATTENTION PLEASE!?
King - Can we say no?
Cole - I have received an e-mail ON MY IPAD. AND I QUOTE! There will now be a tag team match. Alex Riley and the Miz team up to face Sin Cara and John Cena. And that match starts now.
King - Do you wear the glasses in case you get in a fight?
Cole - I’VE BEEN WEARING THEM FOR A YEAR. Glad you could notice.
J.R. - CENA AND SIN CARA TEAMING UP FOR THE FIRST TIME.
King - What if you get drafted to Smackdown?
Cole - I’D DO MY JOB AND NOT COMPLAIN ABOUT IT!
Cole - I don’t need to worry about being drafted - I’m on both shows anyway.
J.R. - Sin Cara is being tested as he has yet to be tested in his WWE career.
Cole - SEE YA LATER SIR BILL GATES!
Cole - ENOUGH OF THIS. LET’S GET TO THE MAIN COURSE. OF COURSE, NEXT WEEK, IT’S THE WWE DRAFT, SO IT’S ONLY APPROPRIATE THAT I’LL GO NOWHERE ANY SUPERSTAR HAS GONE BEFORE. IN TWO WEEKS, IT WILL BE THE ROYAL WEDDING, AND IN A COUPLE MINUTES, I’LL BE KNIGHTED SIR MICHAEL COLE!
Cole - CAN I HAVE YOUR ATTENTION PLEASE. PLEASE WELCOME MY TRAINER. My friend. AND THE MAN THAT IS GOING TO TEAM WITH ME TO DEFEAT JERRY LAWLER AND JR! THE ALL-AMERICAN AMERICAN, JACK SWAGGER!
Swagger - HERE HE, HEREYE! TONIGHT, THE WWE UNIVERSE WILL WITNESS A BRAVE, GENUINE AND NOBLE MAN TAKE THE NEXT STEP IN HIS HALL OF FAME CAREER. AFTER TONIGHT, HE WILL NO LONGER BE KNOWN AS MR. WRESTLEMANIA, BUT AS SIR MICHAEL COLE. TONIGHT, THE WWE UNIVERSE WILL WITNESS THE FIRST-EVER KNIGHTING CEREMONY. AND WITHOUT FURTHER ADO, PLEASE WELCOME HER ROYAL MAJESTY, QUEEN ELIZABETH.
Queen - Ladies and gentlemen, we are gathered here to celebrate the specimen that is Michael Cole. Do you promise to honor, defend, and uphold the faith of the United Kingdom?
Cole - I DO!
Cole - SIR MICHAEL COLE! SIR MICHAEL COLE!
Crowd - SUCKS!
Cole - YOU SHOULD BE SILENT BECAUSE YOU’RE MY PEASANTS. And now that I’m royalty, I think we should make a couple of peasants, namely J.R. and Jerry Lawler, maybe you should show me some respect and KISS MY FEET!
Cole - KISS ROYALTY’S FEET!
J.R. - GO TO HELL!
Cole - KISS THEM YOU PEASANT!
Cole - If you don’t think I’m an athlete, I HAVE ATHLETE’S FOOT. THAT PROVES I’M AN ATHLETE!
Sheamus - The last time we were in England, you embarrassed me in your little tea party. TONIGHT, THE CHAMPION OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA… IS GONNA EMBARRASS YOU!
Cole - Sheamus wants to PUNISH THE SUPERSTARS WHO MADE HIS LIFE HELL FOR THE LAST SIX MONTHS!
Cole - I think I need medical attention.
Cole - Remember what St. Patrick did to snakes.
Crowd - CM PUNK! CM PUNK!
Cole - Punk is always talking to his opponent - PLAYING MIND GAMES.
Guy - COME ON, RANDY! COME ON, RANDY!
Crowd - GTS! RKO! GTS! RKO!
Cole - EVERYTHING THAT PUNK DOES IS CAUSING TRAUMA AND STRESS TO HIS OPPONENT!
Cole - Ever since the bite from Orton, Punk has been AGGRESSIVE.
(after a superplex, which Orton did at WM)Cole - YOU DON’T SEE ORTON GO TO THE TOP MUCH, BUT THIS SHOWS HOW MUCH THIS RIVALRY MEANS TO HIM!
Punk - FEEL LIKE A WINNER, RANDAL!?