They started talking about the main event was made via Twitter...ugh and that we'd see HHH's emotional speech. I guess some could call it emotional. Either that or hilarious. Oh thank the lord, Sheamus is here to TALK ABOUT HHH AND HOW TOUGH HE IS! Oh thank God, it's Sandow. Sheamus is as ignorant as he is enormous! Tremendous line. Sadly, Sheamus' 'say it to my face' one didn't lead to A-Ry coming out. Sandow's working as a snarker and not just a guy who says big words. I like them throwing Sandow in there with Sheamus - it's worlds better than being saddled with a Brodus feud. Rey's got a match next and SD was the most-watched show on SyFy for the 100th show in a week. Goody for WWE.
Rey is so hard to follow, AND FEEL FREE TO FOLLOW WWE ON TWITTER.
ing hell. He's facing Cody in their 9000th match. Thankfully, Cole brought up their feud and the usage of masks in it to make this feud with Sin Cara seem like it's more than filler. I really liked the little bit with Rey giving his mask to one kid, but the kid next to that one touching him, so Rey did the little meeting of the minds deal with him too and the kid had THE biggest smile ever - things like that will help keep Rey over for-freaking-ever with kids. I love the chemistry these two have - Cody's just the right size to take the bumps needed to help Rey's stuff look better and yet still bigger than him to work a big vs. little man style at points. Loved the running knee from Cody - hit really well. Loved Sin Cara coming to make the save for Rey and set up Cody for the 619 leading to Sin Cara planting his mask on Cody. Great spot - I bet that leads to replica masks selling more. Sin Cara finally feels like he has some direction, which bodes really well for him - it's better than a year and a half of random matches. YAY ANGER MANAGEMENT REPLAY! Don't you dare touch him, Harold.
Eve came out while Cole described the Raw divas battle royal as one of the best divas matches of the decade and Kaitlyn winning as one of the biggest shocks ever. TINY bit of hyperbole there. Kaitlyn and Nattie have a Twitter war causing this match to happen. LOLed at Eve calling Kaitlyn the future of WWE. Eve and Cole just talked about everything but the match, which was won by Kaitlyn and led to a Layla-Kaitlyn graphic where Kaitlyn looked really bored. Loved the little recap video of AJ and Vickie from Raw. Vickie has received TOUTS about her catfight with AJ. Time for another Raw recap - for the Punk-King match. I loved them actually showing clips from Memphis for it. The cage match wasn't recapped very well, but seeing those Memphis clips before it made me wish they'd release a version with Lance Russell on commentary. The TWEETS after the video were hilarious. Surprised they didn't fix A-Ry's typing issues in his, but at least he made TV in some way. Cena's txt-heavy style looks ridiculous. More anger management, YES! AJ's boy toy is a demonic monster from HELL! I missed that the doc found out about Kane's arrival via text - I hope Kane sent it himself. That would've made this skit even more fun. Sheamus-Sandow is next, and Josh can't quite pronounce hooligan correctly, saying it like "whooligan". Maybe he's got owl blood in him.
The match itself was better than I thought it would be. Sandow hasn't really looked great outside of squashes, but looked like he belonged in there with Sheamus to some degree. This is the first time I recall them bringing up Sandow being trained by Killer Kowalski, which made him seem like more of a veteran than they're playing him as. I liked Sheamus reversing the position on the chest clubs - doing them while standing on the apron for a change. The finish was anti-climactic, but I liked the visual of Sandow running away as fast as humanly possible. Orton-Ziggler happens later. I guess Ziggler wanted to lose again. AND WE GET TO SEE HHH CRY AGAIN LATER. PTPs are facing Kidd and Gabriel, who now have THE brightest yellow compression tank tops ever and black and green gear. Wow - turns out they were in that brawl last week. Didn't even notice them or know that they were a team. For some annoying reason, the Usos' Tout was shown DURING THE START OF THE MATCH while the faces did cool shit that got a smaller window than the Usos' talking. I liked Cole saying that it was a toss-up for who got the shot when the PTPs have lost millions and billions of matches in two months. Gabriel's new gear style looks really good. The double knee gutbuster is okay as a finisher, but DY should do it off the top at some point to really get it over. Part 3 pf anger management - still awesome. Kane's ramble on his history might be one of the funniest overall bits in company history.
Alberto does an interview next. I bet it's my destiny to be bored by it. Nope - it was nice and short, and led to a wacky Kane promo that itself led to a HOLLA HOLLA KANE MATCH. I liked Kane mixing up the basement dropkick by doing it TO THE BACK! Alberto hit possibly the shittiest-backstabber ever, and got a win with it. That did not help Alberto in the slightest outside of the story of him beating Kane before facing Sheamus. Loved the post-match kiss on the head from Ricardo. Poor Josh got beaten up once again. Loved the BEAT UP COLE chant. I guess Josh is off of SD next week, which means MORE GUEST COMMENTATORS. WWE should just do us all a favor and have Michael Hayes replace him for one week. HHH crying is next and THE WWE APP IS POPULAR! HHH's speech is the most popular item on WWE.com and now we've got a video with wacky piano music playing over it. They kept in the HBK WAS BETTER THAN YOU sign. Oh this was high comedy. THANK YOU! FOR LETTING ME!!! PLAY THE GAME!!!! The HHH story is THE TOP STORY ON THE WWE APP - ONE OF THE HOTTEST APPS EVER! So much insecurity in a five minute span. And now it's one of the hottest topics in ALL of social media, as evidenced by Foley, J.R., and Kofi talking about it. Godamn that was tremendous comedy.
Dolph came out, DON'T FORGET TO LIKE WWE ON FACEBOOK and check out WWE'S YOUTUBE CHANNEL with Dolph's Download show. Dolph-Orton starts at 9:51, so it's got enough time to be pretty good, but probably not enough to be really good. I liked Orton teasing an outside-in suplex but having it lead to a superplex instead. I don't remember seeing that done before, but it's a great way to mix up doing a superplex. Zig Zg doesn't connect, neither did the fameass, but an RKO does and Orton wins. Good lord, Dolph had better be killing dudes for a few weeks if they're going to have him win the title soon because all of these losses are hurting him even if they are higher up on the cards. I liked the JTPG sign in the background after the match.
Screens -
I'm not sure which facial expression is funnier
HBK WAS BETTER THAN YOU
Rey rules
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