Cena - Rock couldn’t make it tonight (wink) BUT HE ACCEPTED MY INVITATION TO BE MY TAG TEAM PARTNER! The entire WWE Universe isn’t talking about this week’s Raw - THEY’RE TALKING ABOUT NEXT WEEK’S, BECAUSE FINALLY THE ROCK COMES BACK TO RAW! Trust me, it’ll be good to see him - we’ll exchange pleasantries and Christmas cards, BUT WE SHOULD TALK ABOUT TONIGHT! TONIGHT IS A DAMN IMPORTANT NIGHT. IT’S THE FIRST TIME LIVERPOOL HAS HOSTED MONDAY NIGHT RAW! SO I SAY TONIGHT WE MAKE MAGIC, MOVE MOUNTAINS, AND THE MADNESS MEETS THE MANIA, BECAUSE TONIGHT THE MIZ AND R-TRUTH ARE IN A TAG MATCH WITH JOHN CENA AND A FUTURE HALL OF FAMER!
Miz - Really? A future hall of famer? REALLY? REALLY!? REALLY!? REALLY!? Funny, because I don’t see you teaming with Truth or myself tonight. Ya know, all week long, all I’ve heard is how last week, you embarrassed us. But what everyone needed to realize is that last week just upped the level of anguish we’re gonna put you through at Survivor Series! I did something that Edge, HHH, the Big Show, Batista, HBK, and the list goes on couldn’t do - I PINNED YOU AT WRESTLEMANIA AND RETAINED THE WWE TITLE IN THE MIDDLE OF THAT RING! You beat me and dropped Truth, and I’ve spent the past 7 days watching it in my mind over and over again and I hope you DVRed it and watched it over again because John, that’s the last time you’ll embarrass us again! ONCE BEFORE, BUT NEVER AGAIN WILL THAT HAPPEN TO US. AND AS A MATTER OF FACT, TONIGHT, WE WILL LEAVE YOU WITH A LAST IMPRESSION YOU WILL NEVER FORGET!
Truth - Cena, do ya know what it’s like to have all the Little Jimmies laughing at ya!? I want these people to keep laughing, keep ya sense of humor - CHUCKLE IT UP AND DON’T WHAT ME! I promise ya this, won’t nobody be laughing after what happens at Survivor Series. As a matter of fact, you, Cena, won’t be laughing after what happens to you tonight! WHOEVER YOU TEAM UP WITH, THEY GONNA GET GOT!
Cena - OH NO, HIDE YA KIDS AND HIDE YA WIFE - TRUTH DUN LOST HIS MIND AGAIN! Look at Miz - he’s STEAMING MAD! I don’t know if you heard, my partner isn’t just any ordinary ssuperstar - HE HAS CAUGHT THE WORLD ON FIRE! HIS REP IS EXPANDING FASTER THAN THE UNIVERSE. HE’S THE FIFTH PEOPLE, THE NINE TIME QUARTER-FINALIST IN THE SPELLING BEE AND THE TENTH WONDER OF THE WORLD!
Miz - IT DOESN’T MATTER WHO YOU’RE TEAMING UP AGAINST! YOUR TIME IS UP!
Cole - Vickie’s looking very Beatle-esque here tonight.
King - I don’t think they ever wore that skirt though.
Cole - Morrison says the losing streak is more a mental thing than a physical issue.
Cole - WWE CONTINUES TO TAKE THE SOCIAL MEDIA WORLD BY STORM! TODAY, WE HAVE LAUNCHED OUR NEW SOCIAL EXPERIENCE ON GOOGLE PLUS!
King - Depending on what happens in your challenge next week, THIS COULD BE YOUR LAST RAW!
Cole - If J.R. beat me, I’ll quit - but I’m confident in my ability to beat the Staypuft Marshmallow man.
King - Why doesn’t Punk deserve a title match?
Cole - I don’t think he’s earned it.
Punk - During everyone of your DESTINY speeches, everyone watching at home on DVR HITS FAST FORWARD! AND WHEN THEY FAST FORWARD, THEY DON’T MISS A DAMN THING DO THEY!
Alberto - Listen to me…
Punk - I’VE LISTENED TO YOU, THEY’VE LISTENED TO YOU, AND NOW YOU’LL LISTEN TO ME! I’VE LISTENED TO YOU TALK ABOUT YOUR DESTINY TIME IN AND TIME OUT. YOU’RE A HELL OF A COMPETITOR, BUT AT SURVIVOR SERIES, I’LL DO WHAT YOU CONSISTENTLY FAIL TO DO - MAKE THE WWE CHAMPIONSHIP INTERESTING AGAIN!
Alberto - I’m the WWE Champion, AND THAT MAKES ME THE BEST IN THE WORLD! NOT YOU, ME! THE BEST IN THE WORLD! Are you gonna cancel that match at Survivor Series? Yes or no?
Punk - Let me think about it… I’m still thinking… NO!
Nash - First of all, I’d like to thank Mr. Laurinitis for bringing me back. For 2 weeks, everyone’s asked Why Nash why - I don’t owe anyone an explanation. The only one I do is sitting in Connecticut now with a headache. 1995. I watched you walk in the building - you had slacks on and a sports coat and were shadowing Killer Kowalski. I SHOULD’VE BURIED YOU THEN! No, but HBK sat at the monitor, watched you and said the kid’s got something and he’s funny. And I let you into our Kliq. You won me over, and we had something that’s so unusual in the business - a real friendship. I was honored to be at your wedding. And then the Rumble comes up - I GET WITHOUT A DOUBT THE BIGEST POP OF THE NIGHT. AND I call up my friend and say hey buddy, let’s put the band back together. Not only do I get a “NO” I DON’T EVEN GET A RESPONSE. YOU BETRAYED ME! YOU BETRAYED ME! WITHOUT ME, YOU’RE NOTHING! Yeah. You took our friendship and put a nice career together. I don’t care how anyone else sees it - HHH is the measuring stick around here. GIVE ME A HAS-BEEN LEGENDS CONTRACT! I STILL GOT IT - I’M THE BEST THERE IS. ON ANY GIVEN NIGHT, I CUOLD BECOME WORLD CHAMPION! Ya know what I did? BOOKED MYSELF IN A MAIN EVENT MATCH! I took your sledgehammer and used it against you! I SAT FOR SIX HOURS, CONEMPLATING IT - WONDERING HOW I’D FEEL. IT FELT GOOD! As I walked out of the arena and looked on the monitor and saw you on the board, I thought I could do it again. YOU SAT THERE LIKE A HELPLESS LITTLE CHILD AND I TOOK ADVANTAGE OF YOU! WITH YOUR SLEDGEHAMMER! THE CEREBRAL ASSASSIN! Nash just showed you that’s how you play the game!
Otunga - Wasn’t Brodus supposed to debut tonight?
Ace - David, Brodus is special - I can’t waste him in Liverpool. He needs to be seen by the most sophisticated audience - in America.
ing Ohio.
