J.R. - Thank you for being with us here tonight, on the aftermath of the EXTREMENESS at One Night Stand.
HHH - Well, the Age of Orton is officially broken. It’s as if it never existed. Randy Orton and I both knew that we wouldn’t be the same coming out as we were coming in, and right now, he watches me from a hospital bed with a broken collar bone. Now, Orton’s out of the way, and I don’t know who’s next, and I don’t care…(Cena comes out)
Cena - I know how ya feel, but I don’t need to be Miss Cleo to see the future - THE FUTURE IS NOW! Don’t get me wrong, I didn’t come out to tell you that I hate you, in fact, we see eye to eye on many things, except the WWE Championship. King of Kings, you have truly conquered them all! Except for me. And with the next WWE draft looming among us, this is an opportunity that may never happen again. Are ya ready? ARE YOU READY FOR THE BIGGEST EVENT IN THIS BUSINESS!? ARE YOU READY FOR THE LAKERS-CELTICS, THE LOTTERY, THE SUPER BOWL ALL ROLLED INTO ONE!? HHH, are you ready to fight?
HHH - Cena, a very big star in this industry once said “You want some? Come get some!” (Jeff Hardy comes out)
Jeff - Wait a minute, guys, you weren’t the only guys on Raw who won matches - there were three, and here we are. John, you beat JBL. I beat Umaga in a falls count anywhere match! And don’t get me wrong, John, I respect the fact that you’re a former WWE Champion, but we’re both in line for that.
HHH - If this is between y’all, I don’t care who I face. Go beg Vince for a match. It’s up to you two, it don’t matter to me.
Jeff - That’s cool. There’s 2 things about Vince I know - he wants to give the people what they want, and he loves first time evers, so tonight, for the first time ever, JEFF HARDY VERSUS JOHN CENA!
HHH - Works for me.
Vince - Hang on a second, I think I know what everyone wants - they want details about how next week, I’m gonna give away a million dollars in cash! Jeff, your idea isn’t bad, but I have a better one! What if HHH defended at Night of Champions, and what if we had a match tonight that would pit, for the first time ever, and the winner faces HHH at NoC. It’ll be John Cena versus Jeff Hardy - that’s a hell of an idea!
J.R. - What’s Birchill gonna do to help his sister prepare? Jumping jacks? Deep knee bends?
Lawler - Well, deep knee bends are good before a match.
Lawler - Umaga may have broken ribs, and just be unable to communicate that to the medical people.
Lawler - THE MILLION DOLLARS HAS ITS OWN ENTRANCE MUSIC! THIS IS GREAT!
Vince - I’ve never seen a million dollars in cash before in my life! OH YEAH, OH BABY! To anyone thinking about doing something funny, I’ve got some plain clothes up here, and there are uniformed police all around, as I’m sure you’ve seen. To get the money, all you have to do is register at WWE.com. Just register, we’ll ask you for your phone number, your address, and speaking of which, you must be a U.S. resident, which may be of concern for a few of you here in Bakersfield, California. I’m just teasing! Loosen up! Why would I give away a million dollars in cash!? Maybe it’s because I’m eccentric, generous, or maybe I want to attract more people to enjoy what you enjoy each and every week on Raw. People who watched years ago and stopped, I want to invite them back. Those who haven’t watched before, I’d like to get them to watch, although some won’t like it - we’re not everyone’s cup of tea. Then there are people who just won’t watch - they’re elitists, they look down on WWE, and you. They don’t get that you come here on Monday night and enjoy yourself - THEY DON’T UNDERSTAND THAT! They’re in a special club, no, not that one. They’re in a club in which none of you are invited, and that’s fine, because we’re not gonna invite them to our WWE club! On the marquee, it should read “no snobs allowed”. In fact, let’s show those snobs what they’re missing, we’re talking BAKERSFIELD, CALIFORNIA! BOO, CHEER! GOOD LUCK EVERYBODY! Next week on Raw, IT’S ALL ABOUT THE MOOONNEEEEYYYYY!
J.R. - Hey kids, do you like the McMoney?
Lawler - I LOVE THE MCMONEY!
Lawler - I think Santino’s the reason God gave us a middle finger.
Lawler - Have you ever seen a million dollars in cash, J.R.?
J.R. - Are you kiddin? HECK NO!
Cody - We can’t have this match - there’s no time keeper - there’s a special time keener assigned for this match! (Piper comes out)
J.R. - Something scares me…Piper with a hammer…
J.R. - Nice judo throw by Carlito.
Lawler - Santino…
J.R. - I’m just amazed by the money.
Lawler - The last time you opened your wallet, Ric Flair was just been named the most popular newcomer.
J.R. - Carlito’s the one with the goofy hair, right?
Lawler - Yeah. I think I’m gonna register at WWE.com
J.R. - I might join ya.
(Santino wins with a sunset flip)J.R. - CARLITO PINS HOLLY!
J.R. - I think Piper’s gonna get kicked out of the time keeper’s union.
Santino - I AM LOADED WITH CONFIDENCE! I HAVE A TOP 10 LIST OF WAYS I AM GOING TO DESTROY COUSIN SAL!
Grisham - That’s Letterman…
Santino - OKAY, I HAVE HEADLINES!
Grisham - That’s Leno…
Santino - YOUR UNCLE FRANKLIN WILL BE IN DA FRONT-A ROW…
Grisham - That’s Conan O’Brien…
Santino - Grishams, nice suit…for me to poop on! I’M SO FUNNY!
DiBiase Jr. - Cody, when I win the world tag titles, the look on yours and Holly’s face will be like me - priceless!
J.R. - Lariat from Hades…
Lawler - MISSED!
J.R. - Micke off the top with the Thesz press! I don’t know if that’s what Lou had in mind, but it worked.
Lawler - I’m gonna register right now! What’s this - service unavailable!? I know what’s happened - too many people have tried to register and it’s taken the site down!
Trevor - Lance, you embarrassed me in front of millions, and now ya wanna fight - WELL BRING IT ON, I AIN’T SCARED…!
J.R. - Murdoch expressing himself in lyric…
Lawler - There’s a fan...people are so excited about the million dollars that one just jumped into the ring.
J.R. - Hardy would be ahead on points, but we don’t have a 10 point-must system here.