JaytheGamefan
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Par for the course with Raw. Great first hour, but the second hour fell off a cliff. Orton attacking Prinze was great, and if Prinze meant a damn thing this decade, I'm sure it would get press like the deal with Piven did. Santino coming out as the fisherman and selling himself as an actor was funny and didn't go on too long - and they at least acknowledged how outdated the stuff was, and I loved the sign behind Santino asking what Prinze did last summer. They sure did make their fanbase seem like a bunch of dorks by having him state that he, like all of the fans, still has 100s of figures in his closet, a million tapes, and even loved the shitty ice cream because his life revolved around the WWE Universe.
Kofi-Carlito was one of Carlito's better matches this year, but I'm glad he lost. He doesn't deserve the belt, and I'm much happier with Miz in the title hunt than him. I misses Miz's match with Bourne due to a pone call, so I'll catch that later, but I liked Miz's pre-match promo and his new look. The DX stuff was bad, but then got better. The bit with Santino was funny...especially when Shawn missed by a mile with the superkick. DX's pre-match spiel getting broken up by a Legacy beating was great - it did SOMETHING to make Legacy seem somewhat legit, and gave DX a reason to kill them dead at the PPV - revenge. Legacy definitely needed to do more than beat a midget to get people excited about this match - and they did it tonight.
Mickie-Gail was rolling along until the final few spots where things just fell apart to Survivor Chick levels. Jesus that was embarrassing. I don't think I've ever seen the Mickie-T ed up so badly, and then the kick missed, and you could just tell that Mickie wanted to dig a hole under the building and crawl into it after that. She sure looked pissed after the match. Hopefully neither chicks is punished for this.
MVP-Swagger was good for the minute it lasted. If they were building up a PPV match, they did a horrid job as we didn't even have a bit where MVP wanted revenge at the PPV - instead, he just came out as a lumberjack all happy and shit. Hornswoggle-Chavo was its usual brutal self until the Home Alone gag ended revealing Macaulay Culkin...and then they cut to King talking about how hip WWE is for having all of these Hollywood names on the show. That part was stupid, but I did love seeing the Home Alone kid on Raw for a brief instant. Maybe after the SBTB cast does the Fallon show, they can host Raw and Chavo can win a match against Screech.
The main event was decent, although the pre-match poll results showing that, in a landslide, two people who hate each other could beat the tag champs made me sad as it showed the belts still have no credibility - and neither do the champions despite both being former world champs. The post-match deal was just annoying - Orton hitting the RKO was great, but I didn't like Jerishow tossing MVP and Kofi out like they were, well, Noble, nor did I like Cena GETTING UP LIKE NOTHING HAPPENED AFTER THE WORLD CHAMPION'S FINISHER and disposing of the tag champs like they too were nothing. Very annoying stuff.
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Kofi-Carlito was one of Carlito's better matches this year, but I'm glad he lost. He doesn't deserve the belt, and I'm much happier with Miz in the title hunt than him. I misses Miz's match with Bourne due to a pone call, so I'll catch that later, but I liked Miz's pre-match promo and his new look. The DX stuff was bad, but then got better. The bit with Santino was funny...especially when Shawn missed by a mile with the superkick. DX's pre-match spiel getting broken up by a Legacy beating was great - it did SOMETHING to make Legacy seem somewhat legit, and gave DX a reason to kill them dead at the PPV - revenge. Legacy definitely needed to do more than beat a midget to get people excited about this match - and they did it tonight.
Mickie-Gail was rolling along until the final few spots where things just fell apart to Survivor Chick levels. Jesus that was embarrassing. I don't think I've ever seen the Mickie-T ed up so badly, and then the kick missed, and you could just tell that Mickie wanted to dig a hole under the building and crawl into it after that. She sure looked pissed after the match. Hopefully neither chicks is punished for this.
MVP-Swagger was good for the minute it lasted. If they were building up a PPV match, they did a horrid job as we didn't even have a bit where MVP wanted revenge at the PPV - instead, he just came out as a lumberjack all happy and shit. Hornswoggle-Chavo was its usual brutal self until the Home Alone gag ended revealing Macaulay Culkin...and then they cut to King talking about how hip WWE is for having all of these Hollywood names on the show. That part was stupid, but I did love seeing the Home Alone kid on Raw for a brief instant. Maybe after the SBTB cast does the Fallon show, they can host Raw and Chavo can win a match against Screech.
The main event was decent, although the pre-match poll results showing that, in a landslide, two people who hate each other could beat the tag champs made me sad as it showed the belts still have no credibility - and neither do the champions despite both being former world champs. The post-match deal was just annoying - Orton hitting the RKO was great, but I didn't like Jerishow tossing MVP and Kofi out like they were, well, Noble, nor did I like Cena GETTING UP LIKE NOTHING HAPPENED AFTER THE WORLD CHAMPION'S FINISHER and disposing of the tag champs like they too were nothing. Very annoying stuff.
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Cole - WHAT A MONUMENTAL NIGHT WE HAVE!
Lawler - YEAH, IN SIX DAYS IT’S RANDY ORTON VERSUS JOHN CENA!
Cole - Freddie Prinze, Jr., a star of many movies, like Scooby-Doo, I Knew What You Did Last Summer, She’s All That…
Prinze - I’m a lifelong WWE fine like all of you! From the 100s of action figures still in my closet, to the Coliseum Videos hosted by Mean Gene, and the ICE CREAM BARS WITH THE CRUNCH THAT MADE YOU VOMIT IF YOU ATE IT, BUT YOU STILL DID CUZ WWE WAS YOUR LIFE! TONIGHT, WE’RE GONNA GET SUMMERSLAM STARTED TONIGHT WITH THE DEFENSE OF BOTH THE DIVAS AND US TITLES!
(the guy from a 12 year old movie comes out)Lawler - I KNOW YOU SAW I KNOW WHAT YOU DID LAST SUMMER, RIGHT!?
Santino - I KNOW WHAT YOU DID LAST SUMMER! AND I KNOW WHAT YOU’RE GOING TO DO THIS SUMMER! YOU’RE GOING… TO PUT ME IN DA MOVIES! FREDDIE THE PRINCE JUNE. I WROTE A SCREENPLAY CALLED I KNOW WHAT YOU DID ABOUT 12 SUMMERS AGO - I WILL BE A GOOD EVIL FISHERMANS! LOOK HOW EVIL I AM! LOOK AT ME - I HAVE A GLASSES AND SHABBY CLOTHES, I’M OBVIOUSLY A NERD, BUT THEN FREDDIE MADE A BET WIT THE GUY FROM THE FAST AND THE FURIOUS, AND THEN… POW! I’m a sexy hulk guy! I CAN SEE DA TRAILER RIGHT NOW - FREDDIE THE PRINCE JR. AND SANTINO IN - HE’S ALL THAT! WHAT YOU THINK, FREDERICK?
Prinze - I think it’s good, but you need a little help.
Snatino - Let’s make it more current…you’re going to be in 24 right? You need a partner…(he reveals a Kevlar vest) WHERE DID YOU PUT THE BOMB, LILIANS!? TELEVISION IS VERY SERIOUS BUSINESSES! IT’S JUST A MATTER OF TIME AND HOW MUCH PAIN YOU WANT TO FEEL! AND SCENE! What you thinks? You have your phone? Call Keifer and your wife the werewolf killer - TELL THEM THAT SANTINO IS A REAL AC-TOR!
Lawler - His wife…the werewolf killer? I loved the evil fisherman.
Prinze - Well, at least it wasn’t a Scooby Doo joke.
(in his gear)Orton - Tonight, I am teaming with the man I am facing this Sunday - John Cena. I don’t like it - I won’t do it. As a matter of fact, Summerslam’s only 6 days away - I don’t feel like competing at all tonight.
Prinze - Orton, this is St. Louis… This is your hometown! And you don’t wanna work!? WHAT YOU THINK, that I’m gonna disappoint all these people?
Orton - You must be confusing me with someone who actually cares. I’m not here to please these people - I have NOTHING IN COMMON WITH ANY OF YOU! THIS IS ABOUT ME! IT’S ALL ABOUT ME! I AM THE WWE CHAMPION! And Freddie - I’m not going to ask you again! Now, take me out of this match!
Prinze - Do I look like Seth Green or Jeremy Piven? Don’t try to bully me! Sgt. Slaughter made a match last week and I am not gonna change it! YOU WILL TEAM UP WITH JOHN CENA AND FACE JERICHO AND THE BIG SHOW! Sorry! (Orton hits the 3.0 on him, fans chant RKO loudly)
Cole - THE WWE UNIVERSE IS SHOCKED OVER ORTON’S ACTIONS AGAINST OUR GUEST HOST FREDDIE PRINZE JR! IT’S THE FIRST TIME WE’VE SEEN SOMETHING LIKE THAT TOWARDS A GUEST HOST OF MONDAY NIGHT RAW!
Cole - No less than a dozen WWE Hall of Famers have held the U.S. title!
King - Carlito might be joining that list soon.
(after Carlito sandbags Kofi on a move)King - OH, WHAT A PUNCH FROM KOFI!
Cole - ST LOUS IS WHERE LOUIS AND CLARK MADE HISTORY, BUT TONIGHT, ANOTHER COUPLE MAKES HISTORY!
King - YES! DX RETURNS!
Miz - Two weeks ago, I was banned from Raw! So now I stand before you a new man - new attitude, new look - same mouth! And in a few short moments, I will be embarking on the most remarkable turnaround in WWE HISTORY! I WILL BECOME UNITED STATES CHAMPION!
Jillian - BREAK IT DOWN! DUNUNUNUNUNAH!
HHH - Nothing changes around here - there’s always some idiot standing around…
(jumping out of the shadows at DX)Santino - CTU! PUT THEM UP! (Shawn superkicks him and misses by a mile)
HHH - You know, I don’t think he meant to hurt us.
HBK - Oh, I know…
HHH - How’s the hair? In one piece?
HBK - Oh yeah.
(DX comes out, the crowd roars, and a heavy-set, balding middle-aged man throws his arms up in joy)HHH - WOW! Shawn, is it good to be back? He can’t hear you… Is it good to be back, Shawn?
HBK - GOD HELP ME - I LOVE THIS STUFF!
HHH - There’s one important thing we’d like to know…(chick yells SUCK IT!) Are ya ready? I SAID ARE YOU READYYYYYYYYYY!?
Cole - IT’S RHODES AND DIBIASE!
DiBiase - There’s the answer to your question - YES! WE ARE READY!
King - Summerslam is sponsored by Boost…SEVEN ELEVEN!
Cole - Gail Kim is very elastic!
King - I like that…SHE’S VERY BENDY!
Cena - I CAN’T FACE BIG SHOW - HE MIGHT EAT ME! I CAN’T TEAM WITH RANDY ORTON, HE WEARS TOO MUCH BABY OIL! JOSH, I CAN’T FIGHT CHRIS JERICHO BECAUSE I NEVE RLEARNED TO READ!
(after Chavo gets hit with a paint can)Henry - Wasn’t me…
(to Chavo)Macaulay Culkin - Sup, punk?
(Cena does the shoulder blocks, fan holds up big VINTAGE sign)
Lawler - YEAH, IN SIX DAYS IT’S RANDY ORTON VERSUS JOHN CENA!
Cole - Freddie Prinze, Jr., a star of many movies, like Scooby-Doo, I Knew What You Did Last Summer, She’s All That…
Prinze - I’m a lifelong WWE fine like all of you! From the 100s of action figures still in my closet, to the Coliseum Videos hosted by Mean Gene, and the ICE CREAM BARS WITH THE CRUNCH THAT MADE YOU VOMIT IF YOU ATE IT, BUT YOU STILL DID CUZ WWE WAS YOUR LIFE! TONIGHT, WE’RE GONNA GET SUMMERSLAM STARTED TONIGHT WITH THE DEFENSE OF BOTH THE DIVAS AND US TITLES!
(the guy from a 12 year old movie comes out)Lawler - I KNOW YOU SAW I KNOW WHAT YOU DID LAST SUMMER, RIGHT!?
Santino - I KNOW WHAT YOU DID LAST SUMMER! AND I KNOW WHAT YOU’RE GOING TO DO THIS SUMMER! YOU’RE GOING… TO PUT ME IN DA MOVIES! FREDDIE THE PRINCE JUNE. I WROTE A SCREENPLAY CALLED I KNOW WHAT YOU DID ABOUT 12 SUMMERS AGO - I WILL BE A GOOD EVIL FISHERMANS! LOOK HOW EVIL I AM! LOOK AT ME - I HAVE A GLASSES AND SHABBY CLOTHES, I’M OBVIOUSLY A NERD, BUT THEN FREDDIE MADE A BET WIT THE GUY FROM THE FAST AND THE FURIOUS, AND THEN… POW! I’m a sexy hulk guy! I CAN SEE DA TRAILER RIGHT NOW - FREDDIE THE PRINCE JR. AND SANTINO IN - HE’S ALL THAT! WHAT YOU THINK, FREDERICK?
Prinze - I think it’s good, but you need a little help.
Snatino - Let’s make it more current…you’re going to be in 24 right? You need a partner…(he reveals a Kevlar vest) WHERE DID YOU PUT THE BOMB, LILIANS!? TELEVISION IS VERY SERIOUS BUSINESSES! IT’S JUST A MATTER OF TIME AND HOW MUCH PAIN YOU WANT TO FEEL! AND SCENE! What you thinks? You have your phone? Call Keifer and your wife the werewolf killer - TELL THEM THAT SANTINO IS A REAL AC-TOR!
Lawler - His wife…the werewolf killer? I loved the evil fisherman.
Prinze - Well, at least it wasn’t a Scooby Doo joke.
(in his gear)Orton - Tonight, I am teaming with the man I am facing this Sunday - John Cena. I don’t like it - I won’t do it. As a matter of fact, Summerslam’s only 6 days away - I don’t feel like competing at all tonight.
Prinze - Orton, this is St. Louis… This is your hometown! And you don’t wanna work!? WHAT YOU THINK, that I’m gonna disappoint all these people?
Orton - You must be confusing me with someone who actually cares. I’m not here to please these people - I have NOTHING IN COMMON WITH ANY OF YOU! THIS IS ABOUT ME! IT’S ALL ABOUT ME! I AM THE WWE CHAMPION! And Freddie - I’m not going to ask you again! Now, take me out of this match!
Prinze - Do I look like Seth Green or Jeremy Piven? Don’t try to bully me! Sgt. Slaughter made a match last week and I am not gonna change it! YOU WILL TEAM UP WITH JOHN CENA AND FACE JERICHO AND THE BIG SHOW! Sorry! (Orton hits the 3.0 on him, fans chant RKO loudly)
Cole - THE WWE UNIVERSE IS SHOCKED OVER ORTON’S ACTIONS AGAINST OUR GUEST HOST FREDDIE PRINZE JR! IT’S THE FIRST TIME WE’VE SEEN SOMETHING LIKE THAT TOWARDS A GUEST HOST OF MONDAY NIGHT RAW!
Cole - No less than a dozen WWE Hall of Famers have held the U.S. title!
King - Carlito might be joining that list soon.
(after Carlito sandbags Kofi on a move)King - OH, WHAT A PUNCH FROM KOFI!
Cole - ST LOUS IS WHERE LOUIS AND CLARK MADE HISTORY, BUT TONIGHT, ANOTHER COUPLE MAKES HISTORY!
King - YES! DX RETURNS!
Miz - Two weeks ago, I was banned from Raw! So now I stand before you a new man - new attitude, new look - same mouth! And in a few short moments, I will be embarking on the most remarkable turnaround in WWE HISTORY! I WILL BECOME UNITED STATES CHAMPION!
Jillian - BREAK IT DOWN! DUNUNUNUNUNAH!
HHH - Nothing changes around here - there’s always some idiot standing around…
(jumping out of the shadows at DX)Santino - CTU! PUT THEM UP! (Shawn superkicks him and misses by a mile)
HHH - You know, I don’t think he meant to hurt us.
HBK - Oh, I know…
HHH - How’s the hair? In one piece?
HBK - Oh yeah.
(DX comes out, the crowd roars, and a heavy-set, balding middle-aged man throws his arms up in joy)HHH - WOW! Shawn, is it good to be back? He can’t hear you… Is it good to be back, Shawn?
HBK - GOD HELP ME - I LOVE THIS STUFF!
HHH - There’s one important thing we’d like to know…(chick yells SUCK IT!) Are ya ready? I SAID ARE YOU READYYYYYYYYYY!?
Cole - IT’S RHODES AND DIBIASE!
DiBiase - There’s the answer to your question - YES! WE ARE READY!
King - Summerslam is sponsored by Boost…SEVEN ELEVEN!
Cole - Gail Kim is very elastic!
King - I like that…SHE’S VERY BENDY!
Cena - I CAN’T FACE BIG SHOW - HE MIGHT EAT ME! I CAN’T TEAM WITH RANDY ORTON, HE WEARS TOO MUCH BABY OIL! JOSH, I CAN’T FIGHT CHRIS JERICHO BECAUSE I NEVE RLEARNED TO READ!
(after Chavo gets hit with a paint can)Henry - Wasn’t me…
(to Chavo)Macaulay Culkin - Sup, punk?
(Cena does the shoulder blocks, fan holds up big VINTAGE sign)