Cole - Vickie is being wheeled to the ring by her assistant, General Manager Long.
JBL - The Rated R-era is back upon us, Michael, and what an era it is!
JBL - The multiplicity advantage - OH COULD WE BE SO LUCKY HERE ON SMACKDOWN!
JBL - Looks like Bill and Hilary, what a power couple this is! …with Chelsea on the side.
JBL - What a great decision the Majors made - they were stuck in anonymity and now they’re in with the world champion!
Hawkins - My name is Kurt Hawkins. I enjoy rock music and long walks on the beach.
Rider - And I’m Zach Rider, I enjoy hiking with my family and cuddling with my girlfriend.
Edge - Well that’s super. I have one person I have to thank, she supported me through the pain and brought me back from the brink of retirement! (Stand By Me video plays with Edge and Vickie on a see-saw)
JBL - That was touching.
Edge - I’d also like to thank Batista for holding the belt for me while I was away - you don’t have to worry about carrying the show anymore, that’s my job.
Cole - I can’t believe you’re gonna break up the team!
JBL - That’s like saying Pavarotti and a second clarinet are on the same team.
Cole - Yeah, well I saw Batista earlier today and he’s determined AND ANGRY!
(on going to Raw)JBL - Raw’s about to get one Hell of a Christmas gift!
Cole - What does SmackDown get?
JBL - You’ll find out.
(Singh comes out and mimics Khali)Cole - Aren’t you going to miss this?
JBL - I’m going to take a big gulp and enjoy it.
(on Hornswoggle)JBL - He’s got that outdated Eddie Murphy goatee.
Cole - Come on, you’re gonna miss this.
JBL - I just got over the flu, I miss that. You miss things in different ways.
(on Khali)JBL - Lots of superlatives for adjectives. Big boot, big chop, what on this man isn’t big?
Cole - Nothing… I guess.
(Khali slams Finlay)JBL - BIG SLAM!
JBL - Finlay… with a giant swing!
JBL - The Graham Brothers, the Bushwackers… I don’t think we’ve seen anything like this.
JBL - I never thought, in 20 years, that I’d see Finlay dancing a jig with a leprechaun with a green derby on his head.
Cole - I WANT ONE, THROW IT OVER HERE!
Flair - Merry Christmas. I’m saying that because I mean it, and because it may be the last chance I have to say it in a WWE ring. I haven’t been on SmackDown in a while, I love the guys in the back, respect them, and want to thank them. I’ve spent 35 years trying to show everybody back there and out here that I was the very best in this business. That’s all I’ve ever cared to be was the best, and now, Vince McMahon has made it very clear to me and to all of you, that the next time I lose a match, my career will come to an end. It’s okay, it’s been a Hell of a ride, each and every night for 35 years. It’s been all I ever lived for and all I ever dreamed of. 10 days from now, I have to wrestle, on Raw, against a man that is the greatest wrestler alive today -HHH. I don’t have to say that, and I’m not saying it because he’s my friend or peer, I’m saying it because it’s fact - he’s the best in the game today. The irony of this is that I’ve told 100 people who’ve asked 1,000 times, if you had your last match, who would you want to wrestle, and I told them, the Game, Triple H. On a personal note, 5 years ago, I came back to the WWE and I wasn’t on top of my game, so the Game took me under his wing and told me THAT DO YOU REALIZE YOU’RE THE NATURE BOY! He never let me forget that I’ve gotta be Ric Flair, but the fact is, what makes him the best is that when we climb into the ring on Raw, he’ll bring everything he has to in order to beat me. There’s no sympathy in wrestling, there’s no sympathy for Ric Flair, and I don’t want it. I want HHH to bring out the best in me, because if I’m at my best, I’ll be very hard to beat. HHH, you’re my best friend, I love you like a brother - Monday night Raw, you and me, if I lose, I walk away to never be seen again. It’s okay, it’s okay, you know why, because I know I will have lost to the best. And if that happens, I will have no regrets. Thank you.
JBL - This could be the last time we’re seeing the Nature Boy on SmackDown. Every great champion has to bow out sometime, let’s hope he haven’t seen the end of Ric Flair.
(Maryse Christmas video airs)JBL - HO HO HO, THAT COULD BE THE NEXT MRS. LAYFIELD!
Cole - It’s fitting, or maybe ironic that Rey Mysterio is coming out there because he retired my partner, JBL. John, what are your thoughts on him as you leave SmackDown?
JBL - The same as they’ve always been - I don’t like the man underneath the mask, I don’t like what he stands for, and I hate his family!
Cole - Do you think Kane celebrates Christmas?
JBL - I don’t think Kane celebrates anything.
JBL - I would love to see Big Daddy V and Mark Henry against the Brothers of Destruction - WHAT A MATCHUP THAT COULD BE!
(MVP comes out)JBL - This is the guy I’m gonna miss, Michael!
JBL - He reminds me of me - he’s young, rich, good-looking, and has LOTS OF BLING! The human highlight reel, MVP.
Cole - Rey is dominating MVP, you should know about that.
JBL - Why do you keep bringing me up with Rey Mysterio?
Cole - Because you’re the color analyst. It’s your last night on the job…
JBL - Yeah, and I’m doing the same thing I did the first day on the job - did the best job in history as a color analyst.
Cole - Yup, still talking about yourself.
Henry - YOU LIKE TO KICK PEOPLE!? (Henry kicks Punk)
JBL - You think I give a damn about that redneck and his date? People care about me. I’m gonna knock your ass out of that chair.
McCool - I’d like a Carbonet…
Noble - What’s that run a fella?
Waiter - $10
Noble - $10!? DO I GET THE WHOLE BOTTLE!?
McCool - Just a glass.
Noble - A GLASS!? Well, the lady wants it… I’d like some Ripple.
Waiter - We don’t have that, sir.
McCool - You look nice, Jamie, did someone help you?
Noble - Granny helped me.
Waiter - Are you ready to order?
Noble - Yeah, we’d like to start off with some French Onion soup, some French fries, and we’ll finish it off with some French latte - VANILLA!
Waiter - These items I cannot get for you, we are an Italian restaurant.
Noble - Italians… you know, I beat Chuck Palumbo 3 times, he’s Italian.
McCool - That’s why I’m here (dream sequence bubble)
Noble - I hope I’m not being too forward, but I got you an early Christmas gift.
McCool - You really should’ve have… Old Spice… why?
Noble - So that when you’re lonely and wantin’ me, you can just spritz it on and think you’re with me!
Noble - You know, there’s a lot you don’t now about me - I like huntin‘… and fishin’!
Announcer - The following is a Santa match. From the other side of the tracks, SANTA DEUCE!
JBL - That’s the coolest Santa I’ve ever seen.
Announcer - Also, here is SANTA FESTUS!
Cole - Santa FESTUS!?
JBL - Ho, ho ho, it’s elf Cherry.
Cole - What’s Domino?
JBL - An elf.
Cole - This is the largest Santa in the history of mankind.
JBL - Speaking of Mankind, he was Santa one year. Ho ho ho
JBL - This Festus has “superstar” written all over him!
Cole - Can you imagine what Santa Festus would do on a roof?
JBL - Knock out Rudolph. Ho ho ho
Cole - Do you think Deuce dresses like this in the old neighborhood? He could be in the Salvation Army, ringing bells.
JBL - He kind of looks like he’s going to some sort of bondage convention. Dominating Santa.
JBL - These guys dressed like Santa are beating the Hell out of each other!
(Festus does a splash)JBL - Kinda looks like when Vader was a Santa.
JBL - SOMEBODY CALL MISS CLAUS AND TELL HER TO SING!
Announcer - Your winner, SANTA FESTUS!
JBL - Festus knows how to beat people up - I’m not sure if he knows much else, but he definitely knows that!
JBL - I’m about to announce the biggest comeback since the resurrection!
Cole - JBL’s farewell address is next!
JBL - Save your ticket stubs and mark this day on your calendar, because this is a day you’re going to tell your kids, and they’re going to tell their kids, because this is the last day that JBL is going to be on SmackDown. That’s the bad news. In the spirit of Foreman and Frazier, this’ll be the greatest comeback in sports, but it won’t be on SmackDown. Been there, done that. The longest-reigning champion in SmackDown history. THE REASON YOU PEOPLE CAME IS TO SEE ME. I MADE SMACKDOWN THE CROWN JEWEL OF THE WWE EMPIRE! THEY BUILT THE ENTIRE CW NETWORK AROUND ONE THING - the attraction of JBL, and when JBL comes back… (fans boo) and DO NOT INTERRUPT ME, it won’t be on the show I built, it’ll be on Monday Night Raw, and the reason, very simply, is because of what happened at Armageddon, which was this! (video plays of Jericho at Armageddon) You play with fire, you gets burned, and Chris Jericho, instead of just coming out on Monday Night Raw, and apologizing for touching greatness, and saying “I’m sorry, JBL”, and expecting me to show up, I’m sorry Chris, but you aren’t very high on my priority list. He called me irrelevant - coming from someone who got fired, then failed miserably at reality TV. I’m not coming to Raw to open a show in Poughkeepsie, New York, I’m not coming to Raw to be a team player, I’m not coming to Raw for a freaking swan song, I’m coming to Raw to do the one thing JBL knows how to do - MAIN EVENT PAY-PER-VIEWS AND WIN CHAMPIONSHIPS! Put my name on the WWE Championship NOW, IT’LL SAVE YOU A LOT OF TIME. Three years from now, Jericho, people are going to look at you ask WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO BY UNLEASHING JBL ON US! I was, I am, and forever will be THE ONLY WRESTLING GOD!
Tazz - It’s nice to be here, Joe… Cole.
Cole - Don’t insult me.
Cole - THE EDGE HEADS HAVE SAVED THE TITLE FOR EDGE! EDGE IS MANIPULATING HIS EDGE HEADS!
(Edge retains)Cole - Welcome to the dog days of SmackDown!